To insist my 12-yr old collects nine-yr old from school

[Bigroundpear]

My nine-year-old is in year 5 at a small inner-city state primary a five minute walk from home. School policy is for children to only be able to walk home alone from year 6 which I fully accept (though I don't particularly agree with it).

Last week I let the school know that my 12-year old (who is in secondary school and travelled alone from year 5 for 40 mins each way - different school) would be collecting nine-year-old from school today. School emailed back to refuse because their policy is siblings who collect must be over 14.

I emailed back to say I will be exercising my parental responsibility, that it's up to me what happens to my child outside of school and I will not be there to collect, but my oldest child will. My kids have done this same journey alone together often (school is next to a supermarket they visit together frequently), I have risk-assessed this and feel confident that though of course there are risks, everything that needs to be is in place to prevent them coming to harm. I have prepared both kids for all eventualities with the school today, including that they may call social services (not bothered about this, know SS won't do anything).

I think the school is over stepping the mark, and should release my nine-year-old, however I'm sad I have put office staff in this position.

AIBU?

I came home to an empty house at that age and had to either lay the fire or cook the dinner.

I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone who uses the phrase ‘a victory for common sense’ who is in fact possessed of commons sense.

I'd have to go over to the primary school and take my younger brother home. I just wanted to be like all my friends tbh, be able to have a slow walk home with them, have a laugh, have the opportunity to...just do what most normal 12 year olds do on the walk home with schoolfriends. Maybe pop into a shop or whatever. It felt really restrictive. I also felt that responsibility was being placed upon my shoulders when I was just a kid myself, my only concern should've been walking home with my friends or getting myself home if I didn't have friends around on a particular day.

I do get that it's hard though, childcare is the bane of my life!

He finishes at 3.20, it’s 30 mins to get home and the after school club finishes at 4.45. If the after school provision finished at 5.30 or 6 pm I would never have to ask for any help with picking my kid up, never have to pay etc, but my child’s school repeatedly reminds us parents that after school clubs are curriculum enhancing and not childcare. I think this is pretty awful but I love the school for other reasons, so have just always got on with it.

my 12 yr old has just started secondary and doesn’t yet have a big group of friends to walk slowly home with. He will do I’m sure by next year, when my 9 yr old will be able to leave yr 6 independently.

Huh? Thanks for your contribution?

Secondary finishes before primary in many areas.

The secondary school finishes 45 minutes before the primary school here... 3 minute walk apart! Then there's another primary school 15minutes walk...

If its an every day thing then yeah, that's not fair on the older sibling, but sounds like its just for 3 days and perhaps occasionally if needed afterwards for OP.

I thought that the law said that babysitters must be 14, siblings or not.

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter its a common misperception, there’s no lower legal age to leave a child alone or to leave a child in the care of another. The law kicks in if there’s a problem at which point the parent is legally responsible for both of the babysitter is under 16. It’s for the parents to make a reasonable assessment of the child’s capacity.

Where have you got that a 14 year old can be responsible for a younger child?

When parents leave children together, it is the parent that is legally responsible, not the children.

Ds2 had to pick up ds3 for about 6 months until I managed to get him into the same school as ds4

They were about 14 and 6 at the time. It never bothered ds2

I made a mistake its under 16 year old should not be caring for younger children - NSPCC giluidelines

I’m guessing the school policy is to only hand over to a responsible / nominated person over the age of 14. Anything happens to your yr5 on the way home, they’re responsible. Have a read of their policies & your local LA :-)

Actually what they say is
If your child has an older sibling or step-sibling, you might feel more comfortable leaving them home together, especially if one child is older.There’s no legal age a child can babysit – but if you leave your children with someone who’s under 16 you’re still responsible for their wellbeing.

You are using your 12 year old for childcare 3 times a week?

My 7 year old walks home alone (literally a 5 minute walk home with a crossing patrol for the only road) and 13 year old meets her as she gets off her bus just before the house. School haven't had an issue with it so far, soon as they go into primary 4, that's them allowed out without teachers making sure someone's is there to collect them. At 9, surely it's up to you whether your child is responsible enough to walk 5 minutes home even without an older sibling and the school shouldn't have a say on the matter

Try reading the op properly before commenting. That way you won't sound like a dick.

Children can be self reliant without having the responsibility of a younger siblings.
My eldest daughter was more than capable of looking after her younger sibling when she was 12 but I didn't ask her to because it wasn't her responsibility, it was mine.
Neither of my children are layabouts and now in their late teens they are well adjusted, capable and independent.
If something were to happen to your youngest son whilst on his brothers watch, how do you think your eldest son would feel? He would blame himself.
I'm glad schools have these safeguarding rules in place.

No, it just means that legally under 16s are not responsible for younger children. If you leave children under 16 together the parents are still responsible for their welfare.

Whereas my daughter loved picking up her younger brother. She thought his friends, who sometimes joined them, were entertaining & there was nothing stopping them going in the shop on the way home.

So interesting. My 12 year old picks up my 7 year old from school and walks him home occasionally. Absolutely no problem. We live 7 mins away, all the roads have crossings or are very local with loads of school kids and families around. Can't see why it would be a problem if you have sensible kids. My little one has Autism, but knows roads saftey and his brother holds his hand and makes sure he's safe. Honestly, some of you underestimate your kids.

Of course they can. I wasn’t suggesting the only way a child can become independent is by caring for a younger child. But I think it helps, sibling or not, and that is why schools do things like mentoring isn’t it.

I would happily let my youngest walk home alone, the school won’t. This is my compromise. As previous posters have said, the oldest is not in charge of the youngest I am legally responsible for both. They are both capable of walking home safely and I’m comfortable with the risk, and that they’ll likely be safe. As they were yesterday. I came home, gave them dinner then we went out for a walk in the park. No one was upset. Nothing bad happened.

Yeh three days - for one week. As a one off, as my kids’ babysitter will be back after half term. I wouldn’t blame anyone for doing that though, it’s up to families how they arrange their childcare.

If you think there aren’t children out there caring for others you’re totally naive. I’ve met kids caring for a number of adults or siblings in their homes. It’s hard, hard graft, I have felt desperate for some of them. But shit happens in family life, it’s not perfect but sometimes we all have to muck in. The alternatives are often worse.

if you care lots about kids who are put upon there are some lovely charities you could donate to who work with young carers.

School policy should be respected. Move school if u disagree with it.
same with any rules, you join the club you follow the rules.