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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting hassled on holiday by locals

164 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 16/10/2023 13:01

I've arrived on holiday a couple of days ago and can't believe how off-putting to business some of the locals are. The two main examples so far;

  • Going to a market to have a look around, and wanting to buy some gifts.
Market trader: "Madam do you want to buy this scarf" Me: "No thanks just looking at the moment" "I can give you a good price" "No thank you" "I can sell for x" I end up just walking away as I have ASD and can't concentrate on what I actually want to buy and it's overwhelming someone getting in my face trying to sell something I'm not looking at.

Second scenario was a taxi ride
"When are you going home, I can do airport taxis"
"22nd, we have a taxi sorted thank you"
"I can do it for 15 ( example amount, much higher than our booked one)
"No thanks, we have it booked cheaper for 10 " (true)
"I can do it for 12.50"
"No thanks , we have a cheaper one booked"
He then gets arsey and moody so we have a quiet journey. 5 minutes later he hands us a business card and asks us to contact him if we need a driver. Yeah sure, a miserable man who tried to offer an inflated price for a journey we already sorted, and got irritated we didn't accept...

I don't want to name the country because I don't want to give bad opinions to someone who might want to go, but it's Asia (the Thailand/Indonesia/Malaysia/Philippines sort of vibe). But Im surprised that people think this is a way to get business. I saw loads of people looking at the markets before being scared off by persistent sellers.

Does anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
Itsaloadofbollocks · 16/10/2023 13:06

It can be annoying when you get pestered but I think both examples are pretty normal for holiday destinations. Just continue being polite and saying no, if it gets too much just do what you did at the market and walk away

gotomomo · 16/10/2023 13:06

Unfortunately the bartering and trying to get business is normal in many cultures, I don't like it myself either but it's part and parcel of travel.

My vest example was in Sri Lanka where the hotel seemed to think i needed an escort, a driver etc and were bemused at me insisting on heading out alone. They really didn't want to take no for an answer but I shut down all the offers and headed out to find an UberTUT, brilliant service, full day sightseeing just me, I certainly didn't need a guide, I had google maps

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 16/10/2023 13:07

It helps to research the areas you are going to. This is totally normal in some places and to be expected. It's very different to what we may be used to but it's not wrong

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 16/10/2023 13:07

It's just part of travelling!

I expect it

custardlover · 16/10/2023 13:07

I tend to think that if you visit another country and enjoy their food and landscape and weather then you should be open to their culture too, including the haggling in the marketplace.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/10/2023 13:09

Stop engaging with them! There was zero reason for you to tell a taxi driver your dates of travel, you're opening yourself up for all sorts of problems if you tell randomers your travel plans like that.

Just ignore them and walk off or if they follow you tell them very firmly to go away and be very clear about it. If it happens in a taxi or restaurant tell them you don't want to talk about that or be deliberately vague. Don't give them an opening.

Wise up!

BubleBath · 16/10/2023 13:10

This is the culture of another country.

Part of traveling is to get exposure to different cultures and learn that it’s not “wrong” just because it’s not the same as how it’s done in your country.

assignedferretatbirth · 16/10/2023 13:12

If you're in Turkey/Egypt/Africa this is completely standard there.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/10/2023 13:12

And what's with all this "oh it's cultural for men to harass women abroad to sell them crap they don't want and depend on women's social conditioning to accept it" bullshit?

OP, despite what PP's are implying, you don't have to stand there like a feeble lemon and accept harassment as a woman in any country. Stand up for yourself.

GCSister · 16/10/2023 13:16

Stop engaging with them!

This! Just say no thank you and walk away.

bigbish · 16/10/2023 13:16

Why did you give the taxi driver all of that information?
Being autistic shouldn't stop you from realising this is totally normal practice in many many other countries with different cultures and ways of doing things.

A lot of the countries who do are poorer countries and need a way to get business with broken English.

Just don't give any information away, be polite, or walk away.

PeggyPoggleshaw · 16/10/2023 13:18

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/10/2023 13:12

And what's with all this "oh it's cultural for men to harass women abroad to sell them crap they don't want and depend on women's social conditioning to accept it" bullshit?

OP, despite what PP's are implying, you don't have to stand there like a feeble lemon and accept harassment as a woman in any country. Stand up for yourself.

They do the same with everyone, they don't just single out women.

bigbish · 16/10/2023 13:19

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/10/2023 13:12

And what's with all this "oh it's cultural for men to harass women abroad to sell them crap they don't want and depend on women's social conditioning to accept it" bullshit?

OP, despite what PP's are implying, you don't have to stand there like a feeble lemon and accept harassment as a woman in any country. Stand up for yourself.

You don't need to make this a misogynistic thing.
It happens to everyone.

It even happens in the U.K.

Go down to st ives and see how much the people will haggle / bug / barter you for a boat trip.

Steev · 16/10/2023 13:22

Definitely stop engaging or you'll drive yourself mad.

Just a no and a smile.

ActDottie · 16/10/2023 13:24

YABU it’s a cultural difference and you’ve chosen to go to those countries. In the U.K. it would be rude but in other cultures that’s what they do, they haggle and try and convince you to buy things in a different way to how they sell in the U.K.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 16/10/2023 13:24

It's no different to insistent chuggers on UK high streets - it's all about telling them politely to f*ck off. Just imagine yourself as being poor as a church mouse ,struggling to pay bills and feeding your children - then saying no becomes second nature.
I adopt the same attitude abroad and although I know I seem rich compared to them, that doesn't mean I am rich.

CircleofWillis · 16/10/2023 13:28

Steev · 16/10/2023 13:22

Definitely stop engaging or you'll drive yourself mad.

Just a no and a smile.

The smile is completely optional. I go with a scowl, myself.

itsmyp4rty · 16/10/2023 13:29

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/10/2023 13:12

And what's with all this "oh it's cultural for men to harass women abroad to sell them crap they don't want and depend on women's social conditioning to accept it" bullshit?

OP, despite what PP's are implying, you don't have to stand there like a feeble lemon and accept harassment as a woman in any country. Stand up for yourself.

It's not men hassling women, they will be just as happy to try to hard sell to foreign men - and women sellers can be just as unwilling to take no for an answer!

If you don't want it to happen OP then don't go somewhere where bartering is normal and definitely don;t give so much away - why would you tell the taxi driver the date you are leaving? Just say no thankyou I'm sorted. Don't be afraid to haggle them down as well if not metered, find out the price beforehand and then you know what it should be.

The keenness to sell isn't always bad though, in Laos I wanted to buy a picture I saw in the market but wanted to look around the whole market first so i didn't have to carry it round with me. I asked the price and then said I'd come back as I thought it was a fair price, the woman called out lower and lower prices as I walked away until I literally couldn't say no, it was so little. I didn't see any other pictures the same in the rest of the market and would have been happy to pay the original price!

In most of Europe/US/Canada this sort of thing just doesn't happen OP so if it makes you too uncomfortable then just stick to those countries.

whatt2do · 16/10/2023 13:36

Covid destroyed the economy in some of these areas especially those relying on tourists. I get that the aggressive hard sell is off putting for you but in some cases it comes from desperation. Disengage with a short no thanks and move on. However if you find a guide, driver or shop that works for you try and re use them or recommend them to other tourists, they'll be very grateful for the business.

TheChosenTwo · 16/10/2023 13:36

I find it really annoying sometimes to OP but wouldn’t have given travel dates!
I tend to smile and say a polite no thank you and then when they continue the smile disappears and a sharp no while walking on.
Dh and I were on holiday last year and just gave up shopping. The minute we walked into one the vendors up the whole street were swarming outside and pounced on us when we left. I get that it’s how they gain custom but there’s only so many souvenirs one person needs or wants! (They were bracelets for our dds, I never buy anything else really)

NannyGythaOgg · 16/10/2023 13:39

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/10/2023 13:12

And what's with all this "oh it's cultural for men to harass women abroad to sell them crap they don't want and depend on women's social conditioning to accept it" bullshit?

OP, despite what PP's are implying, you don't have to stand there like a feeble lemon and accept harassment as a woman in any country. Stand up for yourself.

The women are as bad as the men and men get hassled just as much as women do when it comes to selling.

Lentilweaver · 16/10/2023 13:40

Because they are poor and don't have social welfare. If they don't make money, they don't eat. They don't get benefits.

cartagenagina · 16/10/2023 13:40

Agree with PP, did you not do any research? It’s a cultural difference so to be expected and hopefully tolerated.

My experience has definitely been that women are treated the same as men with regards to bartering and pushy sales tactics.

Lentilweaver · 16/10/2023 13:42

If you don't want to encounter agggressive sellers, don't go to Asia. Stick to Europe the USA and wealthier countries.

ShellySarah · 16/10/2023 13:42

gotomomo · 16/10/2023 13:06

Unfortunately the bartering and trying to get business is normal in many cultures, I don't like it myself either but it's part and parcel of travel.

My vest example was in Sri Lanka where the hotel seemed to think i needed an escort, a driver etc and were bemused at me insisting on heading out alone. They really didn't want to take no for an answer but I shut down all the offers and headed out to find an UberTUT, brilliant service, full day sightseeing just me, I certainly didn't need a guide, I had google maps

There are some places that aren't safe for solo travellers. Especially females.

Depending on where i was, I might have opted for that.

Or to countries i wouldn't want to be alone in, I'd book a guided tour so I was safe that way.

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