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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to give up my glass of red?!

132 replies

RunOutOfMoney · 16/10/2023 11:46

I look forward to a glass of red of an evening, and as much as I think I should stop, I actually don't want to. Is this a problem?

To clarify, I'm not talking more than a glass, and considering that the recommended units of alcohol per week is 14, this allows me to easily have a glass a day .

I remember, though, a time when I could give or take alcohol, and only used to partake very rarely. If I ever had to complete a medical questionnaire, I would put one to 2 units per month max . I think it's currently on my mind because of Stoptober, and it's played on my mind how resistant I was to the idea of joining in.

AIBU? I'm hoping I don't have an alcohol dependence because I am very particular. It has to be one particular bottle or I just don't buy it in. I think someone with a drink problem wouldn't mind what colour it is much less what actual type? I suspect the very fact I am asking is probably going to invite someone to tell me that that shows there's a problem, but it could also be argued that by keeping a finger on the pulse I show that I'm being responsible over it. I just thought I'd ask around and see if everyone else feels the same each evening?

OP posts:
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Whataretheodds · 16/10/2023 11:48

If you're concerned about your ability to not drink why not try a week where you abstain 5 days out of 7. Or only drink 2 days out of 3, or don't drink at all.
For at least 4 weeks.

See how you fare physically and mentally and that may inform how you proceed.

Jellycats4life · 16/10/2023 11:49

One glass of red a night? Not a problem. I’d say it’d only be a problem if the glass was this big

For not wanting to give up my glass of red?!
MollyMarples · 16/10/2023 11:49

You sound quite normal to me, a glass a day doesn’t seem harmful to me, but I’m no expert! I also love a glass of red with dinner every day, but I’m pregnant now, so no more wine for me 😭

Just to nit pick something on your post: It is not recommended to have 14 units a week, 14 isn’t the ‘aim’. It is recommended that you don’t have any more than 14, as a limit.

WhateverMate · 16/10/2023 11:50

I suspect the very fact I am asking is probably going to invite someone to tell me that that shows there's a problem, but it could also be argued that by keeping a finger on the pulse I show that I'm being responsible over it.

Your problem is probably psychological but as you say, the fact you've started this thread shows that for you anyway, there is some sort of problem.

Maybe give it up for a couple of weeks just to show yourself you can?

Original poster
RunOutOfMoney · 16/10/2023 11:50

Whataretheodds · 16/10/2023 11:48

If you're concerned about your ability to not drink why not try a week where you abstain 5 days out of 7. Or only drink 2 days out of 3, or don't drink at all.
For at least 4 weeks.

See how you fare physically and mentally and that may inform how you proceed.

That feels a little bit like saying don't shower every day but shower for two days out of every seven. It's not going to kill you but you might not like the idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
RunOutOfMoney · 16/10/2023 11:51

Jellycats4life · 16/10/2023 11:49

One glass of red a night? Not a problem. I’d say it’d only be a problem if the glass was this big

Ooooh… Where do I buy a glass like that from? 😉

OP posts:
Findyourneutralspace · 16/10/2023 11:52

A glass a day sounds fine although it’s advised to have a couple of non drinking days a week. It’s whether you think it will stay at a glass a day or if it starts to creep up.

Original poster
RunOutOfMoney · 16/10/2023 11:52

MollyMarples · 16/10/2023 11:49

You sound quite normal to me, a glass a day doesn’t seem harmful to me, but I’m no expert! I also love a glass of red with dinner every day, but I’m pregnant now, so no more wine for me 😭

Just to nit pick something on your post: It is not recommended to have 14 units a week, 14 isn’t the ‘aim’. It is recommended that you don’t have any more than 14, as a limit.

That's just poorly worded. When I said recommended 14 units, I meant recommended max 14 units. I can't think of any study that would recommend everyone actually has the maximum!

OP posts:
MsRinky · 16/10/2023 11:52

How big are your glasses? Modern red wines are often quite strong and you often only get one and a half bottles for your 14 units. And you know that even if you drink 14 units, you're ideally meant to have several alcohol free days a week. I think I would have a good think about whether drinking every day is serving you well, or whether cutting it back would be a good idea. And if it sounds too hard, that probably does tell you something.

12345onceIcaughta · 16/10/2023 11:55

If I have one glass of wine I really feel it the next day so you must have built a tolerance to it.
I wouldn’t do it for health reasons and I do think drinking every day isn’t good.

PinkRoses1245 · 16/10/2023 11:56

depends on your glass, it would need to be pretty small to be under 14 units. And it's recommended to have a couple of days no alcohol a week. If it seems hard to not have your glass of wine, that's fairly telling. And I say this as someone who used to drink a lot, and stopped whilst TTC and realised how much it did dominate my life.

Whataretheodds · 16/10/2023 11:57

RunOutOfMoney · 16/10/2023 11:50

That feels a little bit like saying don't shower every day but shower for two days out of every seven. It's not going to kill you but you might not like the idea.

Show quote history

The point is to shift the habit, and to have some alcohol-free days each week (which is also part of the guidance).

I suggest you do it for 4 weeks because if you only do it for 2 you won't notice the benefit.

I reckon it's better if you try going cold turkey or do 5:2 to give your body time to get rid of the alcohol and feel the benefit.

By posting you're recognising that you'd like to feel confident that you are in control - so better to try it out (and now, well before Christmas season excuses!)

DaftQuestionForToday · 16/10/2023 11:58

Could you try substituting your 'treat'?

i think it's often about treating/rewarding ourselves & having something to look forward too.

try substituting it with something else you really enjoy...see how you go.

you need to measure it out & see how many units you're actually having (if you care about that)

Seaweed42 · 16/10/2023 11:58

So what you are saying is...

If I don't have wine, I get uncomfortable feelings that I don't like.

So I drink wine in order not to get uncomfortable feelings.

You have to do some behavioural experiments.

Don't have the wine, notice what feelings arise.
Write down what happens in your body and your mind.

I suspect there are difficult feelings that arise when you even think about not having wine.

There's a lot of rigidity based around having this particular bottle of wine and that 'bad stuff' might happen if you don't have it.

It's really about have you become alcohol's 'bitch' so to speak.

Kind of like being in an abusive friendship, sometimes you come away not feeling good about yourself but you are afraid to stop meeting her, because you like to give up your power to her and let her tell you what you'll be doing.

Stilldigging · 16/10/2023 12:01

The amount you are drinking now is not necessarily a problem, but I would be concerned that you are depending on it psychologically, and the danger is that the amount could increase in the future. I think it would be good for you to have a month off to break the habit, and then maybe start having a few drink free nights a week when you do start drinking again. No one starts out as an alcoholic, but it does have a way of creeping up on you if you aren't careful.

ChienneDesFromages · 16/10/2023 12:01

There’s drinking every day, and there’s drinking every day. I think what most British people would perceive as drinking every day isn’t really what you are doing (although you technically are.) There’s a huge difference between having a glass of wine with dinner each night and sitting in front of the telly with a vat of wine, or chugging alcopops at the pub. The alcohol free day thing is probably much more relevant for the latter than the former.

Drinking a small glass of wine with your evening meal is a perfectly normal and healthy habit in my view.

As long as you are being honest with yourself about the size of your daily glass of wine, it’s fine. It’s easy to get three/four units into a glass of wine if you are drinking New World reds in those big old supermarket glasses.

I drink a glass of French or German Pinot Noir from what my (French) mum calls a ‘Swiss glass’ (known for their abstemiousness, you see.) Here are the glasses we have, and I only ‘drown the bees’ at the weekend…https://www.johnlewis.com/la-rochere-abeille-bee-stemmed-wine-glass-set-of-6-240ml/blue/p5927576?s_ppc=2dx_mixed_home_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInJm55bT6gQMVKYtQBh2OAwfWEAQYBSABEgJnhPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Blackcoffee1 · 16/10/2023 12:03

How many bottles do you get through a week? That’s easier to quantify than a “glass a day”.

WaltzingWaters · 16/10/2023 12:05

A glass a day is fine. Didn’t they always say a glass of red wine contains lots of healthy antioxidants and is good for the heart?! Let’s just stick with that advice.

Obviously if it started creeping up to more every night I’d review. But a glass of red a night with an otherwise balanced diet is fine IMO. I drink no sugary drinks or caffeine and eat a healthy diet, so I don’t worry over a glass of wine each evening.

Mavissdaviss · 16/10/2023 12:06

I think it’s also recommended that you have one or two completely alcohol free days a week. But it’s exactly that - a recommendation. It’s your life to do what you wish with.

Also alcohol guidelines are based on self reported alcohol intake. Who hasn’t slightly underreported their alcohol intake on one of those GP questionnaires?!

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 16/10/2023 12:06

Depends on the size of the glass. If it's a 250ml size then that's at least 3 units, so 21 a week. There are approximately 10 units per bottle of wine.

Namechange4234 · 16/10/2023 12:06

The crucial thing here is - can you drink no alcohol with no bother and no 'upset' for 4 weeks

If not you are alcohol dependent

Jellycats4life · 16/10/2023 12:11

Namechange4234 · 16/10/2023 12:06

The crucial thing here is - can you drink no alcohol with no bother and no 'upset' for 4 weeks

If not you are alcohol dependent

THAT is a load of complete and utter nonsense.

PenguinRainbows · 16/10/2023 12:11

Yes it’s a problem. You shouldn’t be drinking every evening and you shouldn’t be using it to calm yourself down.

cartagenagina · 16/10/2023 12:14

How many glasses do you get out of a bottle?

UseOfWeapons · 16/10/2023 12:16

When I'm speaking to my patients, the standard NHS advice is to have a couple of days when you drink no alcohol at all, to allow your liver and kidneys to have a rest from it. As others have pointed out, 14 units is the maximum recommended in 1 week. I have recently written our clinical protocol for managing people with a high alcohol intake, and according to that, you wouldn't be classed as a risk at all, really However, the only think that would flag for me, would be that fact that it's every night, no rest for a few days, or a week? That might signal some degree of psychological dependence, but it's hard to tell with little information about how you feel if you DON'T have it.

Maybe try and have a night or two without it, and see how it makes you feel?
Good luck, whatever you decide.