For not wanting to give up my glass of red?!

[RunOutOfMoney]

I look forward to a glass of red of an evening, and as much as I think I should stop, I actually don't want to. Is this a problem?

To clarify, I'm not talking more than a glass, and considering that the recommended units of alcohol per week is 14, this allows me to easily have a glass a day .

I remember, though, a time when I could give or take alcohol, and only used to partake very rarely. If I ever had to complete a medical questionnaire, I would put one to 2 units per month max . I think it's currently on my mind because of Stoptober, and it's played on my mind how resistant I was to the idea of joining in.

AIBU? I'm hoping I don't have an alcohol dependence because I am very particular. It has to be one particular bottle or I just don't buy it in. I think someone with a drink problem wouldn't mind what colour it is much less what actual type? I suspect the very fact I am asking is probably going to invite someone to tell me that that shows there's a problem, but it could also be argued that by keeping a finger on the pulse I show that I'm being responsible over it. I just thought I'd ask around and see if everyone else feels the same each evening?

Sounds normal to me but you should have some alcohol free days

A year ago I would have, without hesitating, said 'no problem', 'sounds typical' etc.

But a few months ago I looked into alcohol consumption more seriously and it was profoundly shocking. For example, I had a glass of white a night, and occasional more on weekends. Never felt drunk and thought this was fine. When I calculated the units by glass size etc, I was over 14 units and classed as a 'Heavy Drinker'. With all the risks associated with that.

Red wine can be stronger so even worse.

The psychological dependency is also a real thing and in my mind possibly the main thing.

I have a friend who drinks a lot more than me. Can stop for a month to convince herself she hasn't got an actual REAL problem, but when she starts drinking again rapidly slips back into it being excessive. She also really really looks forward to her evening when it's 'OK' to drink - normal. She knows she probably has a problem but gives herself permission to drink because 'it's so cold, I've had a shit day, I deserve a treat' ... anything, really.

If you absolutely feel uncomfortable about giving it up, you need to ask yourself why.

I would suggest buying an actual measure and measuring out your glasses to literally one a night with two days of none in a week and see how you get on. My friend, for what it's worth, resents having to have less than she's used to and takes an 'oh bugger it' approach and instantly gets another glass.

I have no doubt she's an alcoholic. It worries me so much.

There is no safe amount of alcohol, but a small glass of wine as part of a meal a few days a week is a very different experience from self-medicating with alcohol.

If you’re stuck on a particular type of wine whether it goes with the meal or not then it’s possible you’re misusing alcohol. What happens when you take a week off? How do you feel?

I think it’s obviously a sore spot to be thinking about it and posting about it. I found that I’d started drinking most nights; only a glass but it started being something I looked forward to each night rather than just weekends. I also kept seeing things online about the benefits of not drinking and wondered if I’d sleep better, be less stressed etc. So I stopped drinking for September and it essentially got me out of the habit of drinking every day and thinking about that glass of wine in the evening. It didn’t make much difference physically but it has now meant that I don’t automatically think I’ll have a drink, I can take it or leave it

Obviously something you do every day is a habit, not a treat.

I think it’s fine.

Lots of people will be in a similar situation.

My evening cigarette used to be the best thing about the day but it kept leading to me smoking more cigarettes throughout the day.
If I could just have 1 a day in the evenings then I’d be so happy.

If you are genuinely just having 1 a day then it’s fine, as it’s just part of your routine.
But if it starts creeping up to 2 a day then you need to get help.

I can see why you would want a glass of wine after a stressful work day but why do you need one on the weekend?

If I was you I would have one Mon-fri but none Saturday or Sunday.

I have a rule don’t drink sun-thurs but will on fri-sat if I want to.

It would make me feel uneasy but it's your life and your responsibility.

I have a single bottle of lager maybe 4 nights a week if we have some in the fridge (but it does tend to be a while before it gets replaced) so I'm not teetotal and maybe I'd be considered a habitual drinker too.

But every single day, I'd struggle to feel OK about that.

Carry on and enjoy your glass of wine OP, absolutely nothing wrong with one glass of red an evening. In fact there are probably health benefits ... antioxidants, relaxation ....

Depends how big your glasses are. I was in a similar position. The amount I was drinking was going up and up. Two weeks ago I cut out alcohol five days a week. Within a week my tolerance had dropped, I was sleeping better, I was less hungry (a good thing I can assure you! I opened a bottle of prosecco on Friday and drank it all across the course of one evening, 8 units. I felt horrendous on Saturday morning. Previously I was doing that 2-3 times a week.
I gave a cup of decaff tea now in an evening.

On MN if you even question having one glass a week it's suggested you have an issue because you're questioning it. Same with a pregnant woman who asks if a sip of a spritzer is OK 😬

I liked a small g&t (as in 20ml measure with nearly half a pint of tonic 🤣) every evening but had some liver results come back high ( gp was convinced I was lying about alcohol intake 🙄) no problems found though and they went back to normal after a few months. But in order to prove it wasn't alcohol I went completely tee totaL (tests still high in that period tho - meh)

It did make me think it was definitely the 'ceremony' of the whole thing that I liked rather than the actual g&t, especially as it was such a miniscule amount it didn't affect me at all.

I still enjoy a g&t but now treat myself to those posh botanical type drinks and pour that into a wine glass so it still feels like a bit of a ceremony type thing without the alcohol so maybe try that? Some of them are lovely!

The risks of the alcohol in that red wine will always overpower the good bits like antioxidants in the red wine. The benefits can be found in other foods and habits. Research is showing how bad alcohol is for us so I don’t think it’s right to tell ourselves it’s good for us when it isn’t.

I say the above as someone enjoys a glass of wine. As for the op I agree with those that say you should have 2/3 days without any alcohol really.

I wouldn't compare it to showering, I have ice cream pretty much every single night. I think it is comparable to that. I like my ice cream I enjoy it. I wouldn't like not to have it. It does get to a point in the evening when I go 'ohhh ice cream time'

How many bottles is 1 glass a night? I don't really drink anymore but mine were always big!

I think even in moderate amounts don't the doctors recommend a few alcohol free nights per week.

Op this will sound doom mongering. The only person I know who drank a glass every day was my dad. He did it for years without stopping, claimed a glass a day was good for etc.

About 10 years ago it started...slipping. 1 glass became 2 then a bottle a night. Every night. We went for Christmas about 5 years ago (he lives abroad) and my husband saw him doing shots alone in the kitchen.

When he came to visit my sister and I a couple of years ago we compared notes afterwards. She opened her booze cupboard and realised he had nearly finished a new gin bottle by himself while she was out in the 48hours he was there, I found similar, we worked out he had drunk well over 20 units a day over 4 days. He had a medical crisis last year, didnt tell us about it. I had to hear it from my brother who visited. I could go on and on about seeing booze seeking behaviour and how it effects our relationship. The drunken ranting. The 'its been a stressful journey'.

Tbh we are expecting him to simply get a call that he's died at some point.

It sounds extreme and I'm of course not suggesting this will be your future but...there is a reason you have posted. You have an amazing opportunity to do something about this now, before it potentially becomes a real dependency. If you feel like you would struggle to give it up then its already time to do so.

I think many people pour big measures at home, is it actually 125ml you're having? I guess the risk is that one glass becomes two, then your dependence is creeping up.

I think it would be helpful if you defined what you mean by "a glass". What is the actual amount being consumed? From that, you should be able to work out how many units of alcohol you're consuming.

What is it about your daily glass of red that attracts you so much to it? Is it merely the comfort of routine, or is more to do with the physical effects it has?

Have the wine OP 🍷

My stepdad and grandad (they didn’t live together!) both used to drink the best part of a bottle of red a night. Grandad also used to go the pub every night for a beer or two as did stepdad (different pubs, locations). Both would never have admitted to having a drink problem. Grandad lived to 94 and stepdad stopped drinking completely at 65, doctor advised cutting down at first.

I personally think a glass of wine every night with no free nights you do have a problem and should cut down by a couple/few months nights a week.

Some people just have a tolerance, I always have done
I don't drink at home but went out at Christmas having not had any alcohol for over a year and drank 2 bottles of wine plus shots, cocktails and Prosecco with no issues

A glass a day isn't a problem in terms of consumption but my concern would be that that can easily increase. If your finding that you can't go without that one glass that would concern me

Advise is to have a couple of days alcohol free. Give yourself a few alcohol free days a week. If you don't have a problem this should be easy, try something like an alcohol free g&t if you enjoy the ceremony. If your worried you can't stop you need to stop and see how you feel

I think the problem might be in how far you will go to avoid not giving up your one glass. E.g. do you say no to going to alcohol-free events, do you avoid giving people lifts/driving so you can have your daily drink. IMO if it’s a very high priority for you then that might be a problem. If it’s something that you enjoy and don’t really see the point of giving up then that’s not really a problem (I guess thinking of it as either a want or a need).

I’m the child of two alcoholics in case that has affected my viewpoint. One thing I remember was my sister got lots of lifts after school but at her age I got none because my parents weren’t willing to give up their wine for anything.

OP, the fact you’ve started a post on this tells me you’re starting to worry.

To correct something you said, alcoholics tend to have a specific drink they’ll always drink. Not the other way round. I’m not calling you an alcoholic, but this specific trait is one of the hallmarks of the disease.

Drinking every single day without a break is only going to lead to more drinking in future. When your tolerance is up and you stop getting the ‘hit’ you used to, you’ll start drinking more.

Also, are you measuring out your glasses? A glass can be tiny or have a half bottle of wine in it. How are you sure you’re doing 14 units a week? I suspect you’re doing more than that. The vast majority of people underestimate how much alcohol they drink. A bottle is 10 units. Working out how many bottles you’re drinking in a week will tell you how many units you’re truly consuming.

I’d say you’re probably already dependent now, not alcoholic. But if you don’t significantly reduce, you’ll be heading that way. Good luck!

How many glasses do you get from one bottle ?

Good points.
People think of alcoholics just blindly drinking anything so long as they get alcohol into their system
When in reality 99% of the alcoholics we work with, have a single preffered drink.

You're hesitancy to give it up even for a few days, is a red flag to me.

Could not be the case with you, but normally, give the type of person you've described in your post a few years.. And they're the ones in the clinic.

No alcoholic starts with drinking too much
They all start with a little bit very frequently. Ie daily.

How big is your glass (1 unit is quite small)? You may be over the recommended weekly maximum. Also, a couple of days alcohol-free is recommended each week. How long have you been in this pattern ?

If your becoming reliant on it. Its a problem.