For not wanting to give up my glass of red?!

[RunOutOfMoney]

I look forward to a glass of red of an evening, and as much as I think I should stop, I actually don't want to. Is this a problem?

To clarify, I'm not talking more than a glass, and considering that the recommended units of alcohol per week is 14, this allows me to easily have a glass a day .

I remember, though, a time when I could give or take alcohol, and only used to partake very rarely. If I ever had to complete a medical questionnaire, I would put one to 2 units per month max . I think it's currently on my mind because of Stoptober, and it's played on my mind how resistant I was to the idea of joining in.

AIBU? I'm hoping I don't have an alcohol dependence because I am very particular. It has to be one particular bottle or I just don't buy it in. I think someone with a drink problem wouldn't mind what colour it is much less what actual type? I suspect the very fact I am asking is probably going to invite someone to tell me that that shows there's a problem, but it could also be argued that by keeping a finger on the pulse I show that I'm being responsible over it. I just thought I'd ask around and see if everyone else feels the same each evening?

We are all going to die so enjoy every evening. One glass is fine, so just buy a ridiculously large glass.

Wow, there have been so many responses and I thank each and everyone of you for every single point of view. I'm surprised by how much variety there is and am also surprised at how much support there has been shown in AIBU!

If I had been present throughout the whole time people were posting I would've liked to reply individually and I think I will probably miss some people’s posts who stood out to me, but I will try to remember as much as I can.

First of all, I went through a stage of checking how many wine bottles were going into my recycling. I was glad to see that it did average 3 bottles a fortnight, which equated to 1.5 bottles per week. The wine I drink says that it has 11 units per bottle, not 10, which may make a slight difference.

I had to smile at each person who said I could chill out and still have a drink because it's fine, and I appreciate those of you who compared it to chocolate addictions or smoking. There was one particular poster who mentioned smoking one or two cigarettes per night but feeling it was a mini addiction, and I can relate to that . I wondered whether that poster did a new routine or just no routine at all? I think that links to some of the early posters who suggested creating a new routine that feels special or a wind down that I deserve after a hard day. I did do a little bit of that with the new CBD drinks in the supermarkets and for a while it worked. I can't remember why I began drinking the wine again, I think it may have been after a social occasion or something, and it is true, if I've had a particularly difficult time of it, I will have more than one glass. But that's definitely not a daily thing at all and I think I only did that once or twice all summer.

I realise, from reading your replies, that I rely on my daily wine heavily, psychologically. I do look forward to my drink but wouldn't rearrange my entire night to get one. If I fell in bed without it I wouldn't wake up to go hunting downstairs for some. And I find it troubling that only drinking one drink is more of a red flag than less. I thought it was the other way round because someone I used to be close to is an alcoholic and they told me they'd drink anything - their friends even looked hungrily at hand gel and perfume, really not fussy at all! So I assumed naively that it was a positive sign for me to be too fussy to be an alcoholic/alcohol dependent, not a sign there could be trouble.

I know for a fact that anything we lean on too much can become unhealthy. It's the only vice I’ve got that way as I'm not a cakes and puddings kind of person or a smoker, I don't gamble and want to feel I can live to 90 years old, happily managing 1 or 2 glasses like the old man one poster spoke of, who never increased his intake. I always make sure I'm fit to drive which is why I don't even drink 150ml or more. It's always 125.

Except when it isn't, because I like the odd gin and baileys of all things! But I'm talking once every 2 or 3 years and certainly not every night. A poster asked why I lie on medical questionnaires and I think you misunderstood: I don't lie. I used to be able to report it because it used to be true, and now it's not. So now I would say honestly: I max out to the full 14 units.

If it were not for the guidelines I could drink more though. I stop because I should and not because I naturally have reached the end. Having said that, i couldn't drink even half a bottle a night because I detest the insane thirst and wouldn't like the faint headache. I also can't afford to drink that much.

But it bothers me that I look forward to it so much. I feel instantly better after the first mouthful. I asked myself tonight whether, if I feel instantly better, I could just have a 50ml mouthful each day then, but I couldn't. I wouldn't want to. Maybe it's a bit like being served a nice dinner and asked to only eat one mouthful - who would want to do that?!

I need to look long and hard at what's going on for me. If I do that and decide I can live with it then fine. But if I look at it and think ‘this can only get worse, so stop now’, then I would really hope I could stop. Having lived with an alcoholic I wouldn't want to end up in that place but I am quite surprised at myself for even thinking there could be a problem, having been so teetotal for many decades and then such a light drinker for many years after.

We can all make excuses for having a vice and I’ve got some really good ones. But even if more worst-case scenarios happened in my last 6 months than anyone else normally experienced in a lifetime, it still doesn't mean I ought to turn to alcohol - even a small amount - to soothe myself. Not even short term I guess.

So thank you MN, for your honesty and kindness. I want to throw caution to the wind and skip off into the sunset with my lovely rebellious repliers that are saying I'm fine, and, ‘all things in moderation’, but I think I'm going to-at the very least - have a period of abstinence and really notice what comes up for me.

There was one particular poster who mentioned smoking one or two cigarettes per night but feeling it was a mini addiction, and I can relate to that . I wondered whether that poster did a new routine or just no routine at all?

I had to break my evening routine so I wasn't thinking about smoking. I actually took myself off to bed with a book or ran a bath as soon as I had put the kids down. Obviously I didn't buy any cigarettes and I'm not sure if I could have done it if I'd had them in the house. It helped that I didn't have a social circle that smoked so no-one offering me any. These days I might have one if I'm out and someone has a pack but it's just a couple of times a year. I'll never go back to feeling like I need them to unwind or relax at the end of the day.

@RunOutOfMoney I think you are being quite cautious about this because you had an alcoholic parent, which is understandable.

I live in France, where wine is very much part of the culture. There are definitely older people who will have a glass of wine with their dinner every night without even questioning it, purely because it makes their dinner more pleasurable. I wouldn't describe those people as alcoholics.

I've tried doing Dry January and Sober October a couple of times and never quite made it through the full month. At the time I was living with my parents who are quite heavy drinkers and it's definitely true that when I am staying with them my alcohol consumption skyrockets. When I tried giving up for a month I realised that I hate not drinking for no particular reason, especially when I go out, I'm not driving and the only soft options are things like Coke which are clearly worse for your health than a nice glass of wine. And for an event or a special occasion I want to have a glass of something, definitely.

I came to the conclusion that I don't want to give up alcohol ever. I'm not dependent on it and I enjoy it. Now I live with my husband who isn't a big drinker and I have two young children, so I wouldn't have more than one drink at home. It would feel wrong and the headache in the morning wouldn't be worth it. But if we open a bottle at the weekend I will have a glass a night until it's gone, whereas my husband won't touch it. If I realise I've had a drink every night for more than three nights or so I lay off though because I don't want to be an every night drinker. I pick up bad habits really quickly and then they are hard to kick.

So I guess what I'm saying is, know yourself. If you really are having one 125ml glass per night, I'd say that sounds fine actually. But be honest with yourself. Is it actually that much or do you sometimes have a large glass, or a top up? If you're lying to yourself about how much you have, be cautious about that.

One thing I would say is that if you live alone and are drinking alone, there's nothing wrong with that in principle but you do need to hold yourself accountable because no one else will. In your situation I might say no more than three nights per week, or only at weekends and one night during the week. Find something that works for you. I did hear of someone allocating themselves poker chips at the start of the year and exchanging one chip for one drink. So if you use up all your chips by March, no more booze for you until next year. That sounds a bit extreme to me, but I guess the principle is the same. Make a rule for yourself which allows you to have a drink when you want one but also moderate your consumption, and then stick to it.

You say you wouldn't rearrange your night to have your drink but perhaps rearrange your week so the opportunity isnt there. Go to bed early, get out to a club, do your food shopping later than normal so it's too late for your treat.

It's recommended to have some non alcohol days to give your (liver? Kidneys?) a break. The problem for me would be drinking one glass every day would make me entirely tolerant, I wouldn't get a buzz (I love the buzz!) so I'd probably then want 2 glasses and so on. So I personally opt for weekend only (unless out, xmas etc). That way the buzz is preserved! I'm more concerned about the calories for me tbh.

Just to highlight again, if you are drinking 3 X 11 unit bottles every fortnight, you are actually regularly drinking 16-17 units per week, with no rest. That is potentially significantly harmful to your health and not a risk I personally would take.

(Obviously the guideline is a guideline and the actual "reasonably safe" amount will vary person to person - but I don't think there is a way to find out / predict where on that spectrum you would fall)

Though it sounds as though you plan to cut down anyway; I just wanted to highlight that you appear to find it reassuring that you drink 3 bottles a fortnight as that means you are "maxing out at 14 units / week"; when this number of bottles actually proves that you are exceeding that amount, every week.