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Original poster

Saw a text message on his phone

132 replies

Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 00:57

I was round at my Bfs house yesterday and I was sat in his room watching TV and he went downstairs to make some food. His phone was next to me on the bed and it beeped so I looked. It was a message from a work colleague (he’s a kitchen assistant). The message said ‘ just tell that girlfriend of yours to shut the fuck up’. I know I shouldn’t have and I don’t usually snoop but I just really wanted to know what they had been talking about me for. The message my Bf sent was ‘can’t work any more hours this week, that bitch is already complaining’. He works a lot of hours, finishes late a lot. He had obviously been asked if he could work extra. I wasn’t complaining at all, I just wanted to spend time with him and I feel like we hardly see each other at the moment.

And to be referred to as ‘that bitch’ just threw me tbh. What would you do? Would you tell him you had seen the message?

OP posts:
Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 10:46

I would be more annoyed that he’s used me as an excuse.

Either work the extra hours or tell them he’s not doing it.

He’s acting like you’re his mum and he’s not allowed and his friends are acting like he’s hard done by because his mum is so strict.

He’s the one acting like a bitch because he’s sulking that you’ve asked to spend time with him and then moaning about it to his friends/colleagues, instead of just telling you he’s working or telling them that he doesn’t want to work.

Sunshineguy · 16/10/2023 10:49

Dump him. Never be with someone who would refer to you so disrespectfully.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/10/2023 10:53

You need to value yourself a bit more.
There's no way I'd spend another minute with anyone who referred to me like that.

Apossum · 16/10/2023 10:55

He hasn’t just become that way, he was always a disrespectful, misogynistic prick, he was just hiding it up to now. You’d be an utter fool to stay in a relationship with a man who, frankly, thoroughly dislikes you and who has no respect for you at all.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 16/10/2023 10:56

This is your no-longer-socially-appropriate-so,-2002,-Kate-Hudson-rom-com set-up, OP.

First of all, you find the text. Then you talk it over with your girlfriends (that’s us, I guess) and someone (me, I think) cuts through all the “omg, what a pig!” talk with a cunning plan. Make him fall head of heels in love with you, as the best girlfriend in the world. And then destroy him.

Cut to montages of you watching American football and enjoying / understanding it, dressing in tiny plastic skirts, cleaning his apartment, impressing his friends, schmoozing his parents and, above all, being totally supportive of his shift patterns.

Now it’s time to destroy him. And probably write a column about it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t work for a newspaper, OP. You can just start a blog.

There’s going to be a big event. Perhaps his kitchen are catering it. And after it goes off, he’s going to get super-promoted and be a millionaire. But the new job is inexplicably linked to the need to not be a woman-hating cunt. Perhaps because it’s being hosted by Beyoncé or Michelle Obama something. We’ll see if we can get Beyoncé or MO to do a cameo. Failing that, Lizzo is almost certainly free.
There’s a projector screen at the front of the room and… uh-oh, it’s going to show his horrible texts.

But, throughout all of this, you’ve fallen in love with his brother, Brad. For some reason. And he will be really upset if you actually destroy his brother. Because… isn’t Brad’s love enough? Why are you wasting your time doing this?

You change your mind about shaming him. But uh-oh. It’s JustEastTheOne… she’s like a runaway mine train with her dastardly plan. And she’s only got your best interests at heart. Besides, all men suck. So, she presses the button and…

The room goes super quiet. Then Beyoncé / Michelle Obama / Lizzo says something really cutting and the “That Bitch” guy gets fired.

Bitter sweet though. Because Brad has left. You chase him down. It’s raining.

Sorry, I’m having a slow day at work. Just dump the prick.

newYear10 · 16/10/2023 10:58

ZolaBudd · 16/10/2023 06:16

Surprised you’re even asking

This. If you didn't leave and dump him right then , then you can't complain if he treats you badly. Leaving should have been the only thing you did, not asking what to do. People treat you how you allow them to.

Branleuse · 16/10/2023 11:20

How do you feel about being as spoken about so nastily?
Do you think that's normal?
You say you didn't talk about it as he has a quick temper. Are you frightened of him at all?

Caerulea · 16/10/2023 11:26

@JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit is your work writing sitcoms?! 🤣

jazzyfips · 16/10/2023 11:33

Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 09:18

Thanks everyone. I didn’t mention it at the time as I was worried he might turn it on me and he does sometimes have a quick temper. He’s always telling me that the chefs at his work are really derogatory and sexist and that they have a crude sense of humour. it looks like he has become that way too

So he has a quick temper and refers to you as a bitch. That’s surely leave the bastard territory?

SirVixofVixHall · 16/10/2023 11:37

IHateLegDay · 16/10/2023 01:00

I'd have taken a screenshot of the messages, text it to him and left.

You deserve more than that.

This.

SherbetDips · 16/10/2023 11:39

I would get up leave and block him. There’s no relationship there.

piscofrisco · 16/10/2023 11:54

Why on earth did you stay?

cartagenagina · 16/10/2023 11:54

I would just dump him telling him you weren’t into him any more.

FartSock5000 · 16/10/2023 11:55

@Eviepea21 No.

The red flag here is that he is blaming you, using you as an excuse and calling you horrid names rather than being a grown up and just telling them no. Maybe even in his mind he believes you are controlling when you know that is NOT true.

This isn't an emotionally mature man ready for a committed relationship. He's a wee boy blaming mummy for his mates being mad he cannot come out to play.

Dump him and move on. This isn't going to fix itself and he doesn't seem to even respect you much.

Alfiesmom74 · 16/10/2023 12:01

This!

Maray1967 · 16/10/2023 12:04

The safest thing to have done was copy the message , leave quietly and then text it to him later.

What I would have done was go downstairs, put my shoes on and open the door, then throw the phone at his feet and tell him the bitch is leaving.

MartyFunkhouser · 16/10/2023 12:05

I’m surprised you’re even asking.

Dump him. Immediately.

cloudydays2 · 16/10/2023 12:07

Sack him off, there are plenty of decent guys out there that won't speak about you like that.

saythatagaintome · 16/10/2023 12:23

I would break up with him, what’s wrong with you? Why do you even have to ask others what THEY would do?

OP, no one should be referring to their SO like this. To anyone! If I found out early on that my DH called people such foul names, we wouldn’t be a thing.

Sighhhhh · 16/10/2023 12:24

Gently, I’m surprised you’re even posting. This is the end. Women need to stop giving their time and energy to men who not-so-secretly hate them. What an awful thing for you to find on his phone. But now you know and can move on.

Onemoretimeok · 16/10/2023 12:36

Yuck gross. You deserve better than that. Please have some self respect and leave him.

Alopeciabop · 16/10/2023 13:14

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 16/10/2023 10:56

This is your no-longer-socially-appropriate-so,-2002,-Kate-Hudson-rom-com set-up, OP.

First of all, you find the text. Then you talk it over with your girlfriends (that’s us, I guess) and someone (me, I think) cuts through all the “omg, what a pig!” talk with a cunning plan. Make him fall head of heels in love with you, as the best girlfriend in the world. And then destroy him.

Cut to montages of you watching American football and enjoying / understanding it, dressing in tiny plastic skirts, cleaning his apartment, impressing his friends, schmoozing his parents and, above all, being totally supportive of his shift patterns.

Now it’s time to destroy him. And probably write a column about it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t work for a newspaper, OP. You can just start a blog.

There’s going to be a big event. Perhaps his kitchen are catering it. And after it goes off, he’s going to get super-promoted and be a millionaire. But the new job is inexplicably linked to the need to not be a woman-hating cunt. Perhaps because it’s being hosted by Beyoncé or Michelle Obama something. We’ll see if we can get Beyoncé or MO to do a cameo. Failing that, Lizzo is almost certainly free.
There’s a projector screen at the front of the room and… uh-oh, it’s going to show his horrible texts.

But, throughout all of this, you’ve fallen in love with his brother, Brad. For some reason. And he will be really upset if you actually destroy his brother. Because… isn’t Brad’s love enough? Why are you wasting your time doing this?

You change your mind about shaming him. But uh-oh. It’s JustEastTheOne… she’s like a runaway mine train with her dastardly plan. And she’s only got your best interests at heart. Besides, all men suck. So, she presses the button and…

The room goes super quiet. Then Beyoncé / Michelle Obama / Lizzo says something really cutting and the “That Bitch” guy gets fired.

Bitter sweet though. Because Brad has left. You chase him down. It’s raining.

Sorry, I’m having a slow day at work. Just dump the prick.

I love a good romcom.

WhatWhereWho · 16/10/2023 13:51

Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 00:57

I was round at my Bfs house yesterday and I was sat in his room watching TV and he went downstairs to make some food. His phone was next to me on the bed and it beeped so I looked. It was a message from a work colleague (he’s a kitchen assistant). The message said ‘ just tell that girlfriend of yours to shut the fuck up’. I know I shouldn’t have and I don’t usually snoop but I just really wanted to know what they had been talking about me for. The message my Bf sent was ‘can’t work any more hours this week, that bitch is already complaining’. He works a lot of hours, finishes late a lot. He had obviously been asked if he could work extra. I wasn’t complaining at all, I just wanted to spend time with him and I feel like we hardly see each other at the moment.

And to be referred to as ‘that bitch’ just threw me tbh. What would you do? Would you tell him you had seen the message?

He's an arsehole. He's shown you how he's willing to talk about you to others when he thinks you would not find out. Dump him and do not look back.

MarilynSays · 16/10/2023 14:09

mic drop that phone. walk out. thank you, next! x

GuitarGeorge · 16/10/2023 14:15

Surely there’s nothing to think about here.

anyone who calls you a bitch has zero respect for you and isn’t a nice person.

if you have the opportunity to smash his phone or drop it down the loo before leaving him, that would be worth doing.

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