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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saw a text message on his phone

132 replies

Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 00:57

I was round at my Bfs house yesterday and I was sat in his room watching TV and he went downstairs to make some food. His phone was next to me on the bed and it beeped so I looked. It was a message from a work colleague (he’s a kitchen assistant). The message said ‘ just tell that girlfriend of yours to shut the fuck up’. I know I shouldn’t have and I don’t usually snoop but I just really wanted to know what they had been talking about me for. The message my Bf sent was ‘can’t work any more hours this week, that bitch is already complaining’. He works a lot of hours, finishes late a lot. He had obviously been asked if he could work extra. I wasn’t complaining at all, I just wanted to spend time with him and I feel like we hardly see each other at the moment.

And to be referred to as ‘that bitch’ just threw me tbh. What would you do? Would you tell him you had seen the message?

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 16/10/2023 08:30

Swiftly dump and move on.

Pinotwoman82 · 16/10/2023 08:32

How did the rest of the evening go? I would leave and never return

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/10/2023 08:33

Hope you grabbed your self esteem and your bag and walked out OP. I would probably have told him I saw the disrespectful message that popped up on his phone and that I was disgusted that he could talk about anyone like that, especially his girlfriend. Then I’d say, but it’s OK now, you can work as many hours as you like in your crappy kitchen assistant job because you no longer have a girlfriend-you’re dumped.

Gardeningtime · 16/10/2023 08:35

Bin him . What an awful way to talk about uou. Are you very young, does he live with his mum and dad or in a house share, it’s the way you say sitting in his room rather than the bedroom.

noworklifebalance · 16/10/2023 08:36

I couldn’t be with someone who referred to women in that way let alone his girlfriend

Aitrop · 16/10/2023 08:37

IHateLegDay · 16/10/2023 01:00

I'd have taken a screenshot of the messages, text it to him and left.

You deserve more than that.

Yep, this. He can work all the hours he wants then.

Worddance · 16/10/2023 08:40

Leave today.

Babadook76 · 16/10/2023 08:41

Just imagine what else he’s saying about you behind your back.

LifeonMarss · 16/10/2023 08:45

Well he's about to work all the over time his heart desires because you're leaving him and finding someone who respects you

Testina · 16/10/2023 08:48

Shame you didn’t text back, “actually mate it’s all right I can work - the bitch has dumped me.”

Then I’d have found an excuse to leave, ghosted him, and let him work it out.

NeedToChangeName · 16/10/2023 08:49

I wouldn't bother with screenshots. What's the point? You know what you saw

Many people have the occasional whinge about their partner, but i agree that the language is telling. Calling you a bitch isn't acceptable

The fact you posted here at all concerns me. I wonder if you have low self esteem? Or, financially trapped in the relationship? Otherwise, I'm struggling to see why you didn't end the relationship already

Be aware that ending a relationship is one of the most dangerous times for women in abusive relationships. If this applies to you, best not to have a showdown argument. Safer to make a plan and then leave eg when he's at work

As an aside, I dislike the snobbery on this thread about kitchen assistants. Vital role in hospitality and physically demanding

Kittensat36 · 16/10/2023 08:56

I'd have blocked every last one of his contacts (let him try and work out why no-one is texting him) then got my stuff together, gone down to where he was, say "sorry love, been called into work" and left him there.

Then I would have ghosted him. He would try to play the "you shouldn't have been snooping" card.

Sausage1989 · 16/10/2023 08:57

That's absolutely terrible. You need to finish with him.

MarkWithaC · 16/10/2023 08:57

If my DP referred to me as 'that bitch' I'd leave him. And we've been together over 20 years.
Fuck him off.

GalileoHumpkins · 16/10/2023 08:58

I'd have got up and gone straight home without a word and not looked back. I have a feeling you probably stayed though.

determinedtomakethiswork · 16/10/2023 09:00

Nobody here is going to say you should stay with that man.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 16/10/2023 09:03

What would you do?

I would have got my stuff and left.

SpringleDingle · 16/10/2023 09:09

I’d have just picked up my stuff and gone home and told him he was dumped.

Iknowthis1 · 16/10/2023 09:14

He might be using you as an excuse when he doesn't want to work extra hours.

It doesn't really matter what the reason is, however. Anyone who speaks about you like that is not a keeper.

Original poster
Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 09:18

Thanks everyone. I didn’t mention it at the time as I was worried he might turn it on me and he does sometimes have a quick temper. He’s always telling me that the chefs at his work are really derogatory and sexist and that they have a crude sense of humour. it looks like he has become that way too

OP posts:
Caerulea · 16/10/2023 09:19

Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 09:18

Thanks everyone. I didn’t mention it at the time as I was worried he might turn it on me and he does sometimes have a quick temper. He’s always telling me that the chefs at his work are really derogatory and sexist and that they have a crude sense of humour. it looks like he has become that way too

And you've left?

Solonge · 16/10/2023 09:20

IHateLegDay · 16/10/2023 01:00

I'd have taken a screenshot of the messages, text it to him and left.

You deserve more than that.

This.

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/10/2023 09:21

I hope by the time you read this he is history. Imagine what else he has been saying about you behind you back! Disrespectful and immature - you can do better.

BardRelic · 16/10/2023 09:22

I didn’t mention it at the time as I was worried he might turn it on me and he does sometimes have a quick temper.

In that case I'd have left and avoided the temptation to send funny or sharp texts. I'd just have got to a safe distance and texted 'this isn't working for me. Enjoy the single life' then blocked him on everything.

CharlotteBog · 16/10/2023 09:23

What would I do? I'm more shocked that you are even asking. Isn't it obvious?