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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Saw a text message on his phone

132 replies

Eviepea21 · 16/10/2023 00:57

I was round at my Bfs house yesterday and I was sat in his room watching TV and he went downstairs to make some food. His phone was next to me on the bed and it beeped so I looked. It was a message from a work colleague (he’s a kitchen assistant). The message said ‘ just tell that girlfriend of yours to shut the fuck up’. I know I shouldn’t have and I don’t usually snoop but I just really wanted to know what they had been talking about me for. The message my Bf sent was ‘can’t work any more hours this week, that bitch is already complaining’. He works a lot of hours, finishes late a lot. He had obviously been asked if he could work extra. I wasn’t complaining at all, I just wanted to spend time with him and I feel like we hardly see each other at the moment.

And to be referred to as ‘that bitch’ just threw me tbh. What would you do? Would you tell him you had seen the message?

OP posts:
NunsKnickers · 16/10/2023 03:21

Leave him.

lilmishap · 16/10/2023 03:40

The restaurant trade has a reputation for this shit.
Text him "Some bitch at his work, I can't even fake giving a shit" then block.

Orio2023 · 16/10/2023 03:46

Ghost him. I wouldn’t even explain.

Redruby2020 · 16/10/2023 04:03

Lotta0 · 16/10/2023 01:01

If you're not married to that man, run for the hills! He has zero respect for you

🤔 How does being married to him help.

MsDogLady · 16/10/2023 04:14

@Eviepea21, that remark is utterly despicable. Your pig of a BF has no regard for you, so he thinks it’s cool to speak of you with contempt. His loser boss is no better.

You’d be mad to stick with this guy. Move on immediately.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/10/2023 04:29

Screenshot.
Leave.
Text him 'work as many hours as you like now you're single - 'that bitch'.

Then send the screenshot.

What a cunt. There is no excuse, either he really thinks of you like that and is a cunt, OR, he doesn't but is so weak he can't just say 'I don't want extra hours/can't work, I have other commitments' like an adult would, and has chosen to throw you under the bus to look like it's not his fault. Which means hes a weaselly little cunt.

LuckyPeonies · 16/10/2023 04:33

‘That bitch’? 😮 Hell no, dump him and don’t look back.

momonpurpose · 16/10/2023 05:10

NailsHairNipsHeels · 16/10/2023 01:02

This.

It doesn't sound like he has much respect for you calling you "that bitch" to work colleagues.

I too say this

Mothership4two · 16/10/2023 05:58

What would you do? Would you tell him you had seen the message?

I think most people would be straight out the front door!

Luddite26 · 16/10/2023 06:15

I wouldn't screen shot as they will turn it round on you snooping etc.
Just leave, split up no explanation necessary. Horrible man.

Hope OP is ok ?

ZolaBudd · 16/10/2023 06:16

Surprised you’re even asking

Brexile · 16/10/2023 06:17

@lilmishap Absolutely. The restaurant I worked in last summer had exactly this sort of horrible unfunny banter all the time, crude and disrespectful and relentlessly negative. I think only really awful men can thrive in that environment, and women can't at all. Of course not all kitchens will be the same, but OP's boyfriend's clearly is.

LTB. Horrible loser.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2023 06:18

You can do so much better op. He sounds like a stirrer or weak, hiding behind you. Either way, it isn’t pleasant.

lemonskittles · 16/10/2023 06:18

Honestly i would leave! He doesn't respect you at all.

WaltzingWaters · 16/10/2023 06:53

I wouldn’t stay with someone who referred to me as ‘that bitch’.

TravelInHope · 16/10/2023 06:54

Well, you could sit down with him and talk through your relationship in a loving, caring way, or…

ConnieTucker · 16/10/2023 06:58

End the relationship. A kitchen assistant who calls you a bitch and lets someone else tell them to tell you to shut the fuck up? No. Just no.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 16/10/2023 07:01

I would have picked up all my stuff and just walked out. No screen shotting, no chat. Nothing.

Just got my stuff and left.

What a horrid little twerp. You're worth so much more.

BrutusMcDogface · 16/10/2023 07:05

I hope you left. Fuckwit doesn’t deserve you.

re: the married comment above, I think what the pp meant was that if they’re married there’s a bit more to it than just grabbing your handbag and walking out.

Conkersinautumn · 16/10/2023 07:11

He doesn't even deserve an explanation. He's not worth time or effort. I'm not a fan of ghosting but if anyone deserved "I can't be bothered to see you" he does

towriteyoumustlive · 16/10/2023 07:16

I wouldn't be in a relationship to anyone who referred to me like that.

This one is not a keeper!

Hopefully the OP has replied because she walked out there and then!

fedupwithbeinghot · 16/10/2023 07:22

Time to leave. He has zero respect for you and never will. Is this really how you want the rest of your life to pan out?

wizzler · 16/10/2023 07:22

What did you do Op? Did you say anything at the time?

mum11970 · 16/10/2023 07:47

I’d have grabbed all my stuff and left with a parting text informing him ‘that bitch’ wouldn’t be back. Why would you stay with someone who refers to you like that.

MsRosley · 16/10/2023 08:29

Yeah, you definitely need to throw this one back, OP.