Saw a text message on his phone

[Eviepea21]

I was round at my Bfs house yesterday and I was sat in his room watching TV and he went downstairs to make some food. His phone was next to me on the bed and it beeped so I looked. It was a message from a work colleague (he’s a kitchen assistant). The message said ‘ just tell that girlfriend of yours to shut the fuck up’. I know I shouldn’t have and I don’t usually snoop but I just really wanted to know what they had been talking about me for. The message my Bf sent was ‘can’t work any more hours this week, that bitch is already complaining’. He works a lot of hours, finishes late a lot. He had obviously been asked if he could work extra. I wasn’t complaining at all, I just wanted to spend time with him and I feel like we hardly see each other at the moment.

And to be referred to as ‘that bitch’ just threw me tbh. What would you do? Would you tell him you had seen the message?

Yes I’d mention it to him.. in the same sentence I told him it was over and that would be the very last time we spoke.

I didn’t mention it at the time as I was worried he might turn it on me and he does sometimes have a quick temper.

So basically you’re scared of him as well? Have you asked yourself why you are in this relationship? Quick temper, turns things on you, calls you “that bitch” to other people- do you genuinely not think you can do better/ would be happier alone?

You haven't dumped him yet ? Come on, raise the bar and have some respect for yourself.

As an aside, I dislike the snobbery on this thread about kitchen assistants. Vital role in hospitality and physically demanding

I agree. I bet the people being condescending about the job eat in restaurants and pubs and therefore rely on someone fulfilling that role. There's nothing wrong with this man's job. It's his misogyny and temper that's the problem.

Get out of this relationship before you have children and he turns that quick temper on them.
You are worth more than this.

Don't blame it in colleagues leading him astray. It wouldn't work if he wasn't that way himself.

Not only does he refer to you as that bitch, you're afraid of his temper.

Right. Hope you've left.

Crikey, I always think MN is a bit trigger happy in telling people to leave their relationship, but this would be it for me. 100% LTB

Not married and no kids? This man has done you a HUGE favour.

I wouldn’t tell him why. I’d just say it’s not working for you anymore and it’s over. It’s me not you etc. I couldn’t be arsed with his justifications and bullshit.

He has a communication issue, a respect issue, a misogyny issue and why would you stick around with that? Let him work his overtime and blame someone else for his inability to communicate and say what he wants (assuming he wants to work overtime).

You weren’t snooping your were uncovering the state of your relationship. And thank fuck you did!

As others have said leave quickly. My DH has also worked in and works in industries where the reactions of some men would be similar (haulage and construction) but he has never in the almost 8 years (Jan) we’ve been together ever referred to me in a derogatory way. We couldn’t spend a lot of time together but he tried for one evening a week and would always send me a photo of whatever motorway services or industrial estate he has stopped at on his break.

A short fuse and trying to turn things on you though are big red flags and I would run now very quickly. Make an escape plan and go. Make sure you have friends and family for support.

Disgustingly disrespectful attitude and quick temper? What a prince! Time to leave without a backwards glance.

Obviously you dump a man the very instant he even hints he has a quick temper. Don’t date again until you’ve done a huge amount of work on your standards, self esteem and how to spot massive red flags in males.

Sorry but you are an absolute fool if you continue this relationship. This man has nothing but contempt for you.

I would have cleared my things and left immediately.
NOT Acceptable attitude.

OP, it feels like you are taking this too calmly.

It is NOT ok for anyone, never mind your boyfriend, to call you a bitch.

Please, please don't give this guy any more time. You deserve to be respected by a good person. There is NO explanation for this which makes it possible that your boyfriend is a good person who respects you. It doesn't matter what the work culture is like. A good person who respects you would never, ever talk like that about you.

Please, please leave.

Being called a bitch "threw" you? You really need to raise your standards. This is absolutely unacceptable. I would not stay in this relationship. Do you really think he respects you if this is how he speaks about you??

I didn’t mention it at the time as I was worried he might turn it on me and he does sometimes have a quick temper.

Even more reason to dump him. I hope you went home, never to see him again.

The fact that you did not walk out at that moment in time shows you did not do the thing many of us would have done, what I would have done.

Why do you think you deserve so little consideration?

This!

I would leave if he's calling you a bitch behind your back. And it must be a regular thing sadly as the colleagues message showed it was normal.

Up to you how you leave I feel you owe little explanation.

I'm sorry, what an awful twat he is!!

Yeah, bye.
I would walk out and never speak to him again. The bad tempered thing seals the deal for me. I would be gone.

If that’s how he talks about you now then I’d worry about the future. Doesn’t matter if that’s how his sexist and awful colleagues speak, he shouldn’t be referring to you like that.

Id be ending the relationship if i’m honest, he has no respect for you and you’ve already said he has a temper.

My DHs has told me several times when he's been talking about me, that people have said to him "it's so nice to hear a man speak about his wife like that". It's sad that there are so many men out there clearly speaking ill of their wives who probably do a lot for them. All this "old ball and chain" "her indoors" chat is just disgusting, but seems common in certain work places.

I'd block him. Don't give him any more space or time in your mind or life. Move on and forget he exists. He doesn't need or deserve any explanations. He knows what he is.

We all know the OP won’t leave, see so many women on here put up with crap, disrespectful behaviour and then have kids with them and wonder why they are such shit dads and partners 🤷‍♀️

Find some self respect.

He's a dick. It doesn't matter what anyone at work is like. You're in a relationship with him. End it. Find someone who likes and respects you.