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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with teacher about commenting on pupil appearance

136 replies

Drizzlydrizzle12 · 13/10/2023 19:58

What do you think about what this teacher said today. He's a supply until Xmas.

Recently when the children line up for assembly he's been saying about them being smart and commenting on their appearance saying they don't look smart enough.

Today he gave a reward point to a girl because she had really shiny shoes. They are that shiny leather material and some of the other children will never have shoes that material so I feel its unfair. They are yr6 so beginning to become aware of their appearance. I just think personally he shouldn't be doing this.

Also what about the children in the class who I know live in difficult circumstances and its not their fault that their uniform is messy. It just places more anxiety to them and points out the gap between the well looked after children and those who aren't. Aibu to be mad at the teacher?

OP posts:
Safxxx · 13/10/2023 20:01

If this is a regular occurrence I would speak to the headteacher about it.
As long as children are coming in with full uniform he has no right to judge any further and make comments.

toomanyboxes · 13/10/2023 20:03

If the children at that school turn up looking like the hundreds of untidy ramshackle scruffs that I drive past every morning on my commute, then the teacher probably has a point.

Original poster
Drizzlydrizzle12 · 13/10/2023 20:04

Safxxx · 13/10/2023 20:01

If this is a regular occurrence I would speak to the headteacher about it.
As long as children are coming in with full uniform he has no right to judge any further and make comments.

This is about the 3rd time now. But now he's pointing out specifics about children

OP posts:
Original poster
Drizzlydrizzle12 · 13/10/2023 20:05

toomanyboxes · 13/10/2023 20:03

If the children at that school turn up looking like the hundreds of untidy ramshackle scruffs that I drive past every morning on my commute, then the teacher probably has a point.

They don't. Plus some have tough neglectful backgrounds which they can't help with their uniform

OP posts:
Totaly · 13/10/2023 20:06

He is probably commenting on all the children at some point - it makes a connection

cansu · 13/10/2023 20:08

Teacher praises shiny shoes. Are you seriously cross about this?? Maybe you need to relax a bit.

Iam4eels · 13/10/2023 20:08

toomanyboxes · 13/10/2023 20:03

If the children at that school turn up looking like the hundreds of untidy ramshackle scruffs that I drive past every morning on my commute, then the teacher probably has a point.

They're Year 6 so 10-11 years old. Children that age don't have much control over their clothes or appearance as are still very reliant on their parents to provide uniform and shoes that is in good, clean, usable condition. They're reliant on an adult to take them for a haircut and provide washing facilities/products.

Only a right dick would judge children for their appearance.

CountingDownTheHours · 13/10/2023 20:08

I think it depends on the child - perhaps it was obviously a child from a more deprived background (and I dont mean that every child from a deprived background "looks" a particular way obviously, but some will stand out unfortunately) and he was trying to be nice and find something positive to say?

Its hard to say without knowing the child in question and how they usually look. I understand what youre saying, but maybe its like giving a reward to a child who struggles with things when they do something other kids can manage on a daily basis.

Original poster
Drizzlydrizzle12 · 13/10/2023 20:09

cansu · 13/10/2023 20:08

Teacher praises shiny shoes. Are you seriously cross about this?? Maybe you need to relax a bit.

He pointed that out but also was being negative and saying children looked messy and picking out children and saying they looked messy

OP posts:
WestendVBroadway · 13/10/2023 20:11

cansu · 13/10/2023 20:08

Teacher praises shiny shoes. Are you seriously cross about this?? Maybe you need to relax a bit.

I think it was more the fact that the teacher gave reward points for shiny shoes when some families cannot afford nice shiny shoes!

Underneaththestars · 13/10/2023 20:12

You are being very unreasonable. It's completely normal for teachers to comment on the smartness and check uniform/shoes before assembly. Sounds like he's doing his job to me.

CyberCritical · 13/10/2023 20:13

It shows he has a fundamental lack of understanding of the demographics of the children he's teaching. My DD goes to a lovely little school with great teachers and a very common sense approach. We're in a deprived area so many of the kids have very little, they come to school hungry, they come to school in whatever clothes they have. Any teacher rewarding clothing in our school would be doing a lot of students a huge disservice.

Ilovelurchers · 13/10/2023 20:13

I work in a school in a very deprived area and nontheless all staff are expected to insist on high standards of uniform from the children. This is very common in most if not all schools I have worked in/been involved with. We do also do our best to support students who struggle by having a uniform bank and also helping fund uniform for families who can't afford it (we do this better than any other school I ever worked in, tho I am not claiming we always get it right).

I am surprised if no previous teachers your child has had have ever commented on uniform. It's a really common thing to push for in most schools.

If I was designing my own school, it isn't something I would worry about personally - I do understand and sympathise with your point about kids who can't afford to have new shoes and look smart.

Nontheless, to single this teacher out seems strange. He is just doing a totally normal teacher thing.

berksandbeyond · 13/10/2023 20:14

You must live an incredibly charmed life to actually think this is a big issue

Sirzy · 13/10/2023 20:14

Although the reward for shiny shoes was a bit odd I don’t think comments on overall smartness are wrong.

irrespective of anything else uniform tucked in and looking presentable isn’t a big ask!

Lilithlogic · 13/10/2023 20:16

He sounds like a power hungry weirdo

MrsOracle · 13/10/2023 20:17

It seems an odd thing to reward. Surely he has better things to do?

Original poster
Drizzlydrizzle12 · 13/10/2023 20:23

berksandbeyond · 13/10/2023 20:14

You must live an incredibly charmed life to actually think this is a big issue

I know what the big issues in a school are thanks. I'm thinking about the children who struggle and these comments because they can't contact.it and believe it or not words stick and damage these kids self esteem

OP posts:
StrictlyComeback · 13/10/2023 20:27

At least he isn’t measuring the girls skirts like they do at high schools round here. Not that is seems to help the issue.

cansu · 13/10/2023 20:28

Were you there? What is your connection to this school? Sounds a bit like you dislike the teacher tbh. Many schools talk about appearance and uniform.

Lilithlogic · 13/10/2023 20:28

berksandbeyond · 13/10/2023 20:14

You must live an incredibly charmed life to actually think this is a big issue

And you must be incredibly naive to think that this wouldn't affect a child who doesn't live a blessed live.

Original poster
Drizzlydrizzle12 · 13/10/2023 20:32

cansu · 13/10/2023 20:28

Were you there? What is your connection to this school? Sounds a bit like you dislike the teacher tbh. Many schools talk about appearance and uniform.

Yes I was there. I work in the school/class

OP posts:
WASZPy · 13/10/2023 20:34

Asking kids to straighten their skirts and ties, tuck their shirts in, pull their socks up, tidy their hair etc before assembly is absolutely standard practise. I should imagine by 'messy' he was referring to this sort of thing, not whether their polo shirts were from Harrods or not.

berksandbeyond · 13/10/2023 20:36

@Drizzlydrizzle12 I think the kids who are coming from those families probably have bigger problems than someone else having shiny shoes but ok!

toadasoda · 13/10/2023 20:38

How is the shiny shoe kid normally? I wonder if it was one of those made up rewards for the kid who never gets praised for anything. I often think of a classmate many years ago, god love her she had nothing going for her and the teacher would often say she was a 'good listener' and a 'good friend' (not sure she was either) but it meant she had positive feedback