I suspect that I will be told that I am being unreasonable but here goes.
I am in a relationship that is loving and committed and serious. The relationship is great and he makes me very happy. I hope and believe that I make him happy too and I think we are a good team.
The issue is... DP and I are from a culture where typically husbands pay for essential costs, such as food, bills, and essential clothing. It is not expected that luxuries are paid for however.
DP was raised in this culture but I was not born into it. I entered into later on in my life in my very early 20s.
Long story short, and yes as anti-feminist as it might sound, I have zero desire to split bills 50-50 or even proportionally in relation to income. It is my strong preference that DP will pay a little more than me and that we split things 70-30, or that he perhaps pays the bills and food costs and everything else we split. He doesn't want to do this and I did not realise this when I entered into the relationship as we did have a lot of conversations around how we would like a relationship and marriage to be, but this part seems to have caused confusion between us.
Essentially, there is no meeting of minds on this matter and DP says that this is not the sort of relationship he wants. The problem is that when we started dating this is exactly how things worked so I was of the understanding that they would continue on in this manner.
I am not looking to freeload off my partner, and would be very understanding of him not wanting this set-up until we are married, which is also my preference, but to not ever have it at all has caused me to feel 'less than' and down and depressed, as though somehow I am not as valuable as the women who are in this arrangement.
It is also important to state that I do not intend to give up work or to become financially reliant upon my partner once we are married, so the argument that I will be making myself vulnerable is not relevant here I don't think.
Given that it is so much more expensive to be a woman ('the pink tax'), and the gender pay gap, and the fact that at present I earn considerably less than him (although in the future that is set to change), I feel it is only fair. Not to mention the fact that I will have to make untold sacrifices to have children with him, in terms of my body, my pension, my career stagnation, my mental health, etc. For those reasons and more it feels fair to me that the split should be 70-30 or similar.
Has anyone been in a situation like this and how did you figure things out?
Breaking up is not an option. I really do love him. It is just that this has made me feel sad and confused. It has also impacted my libido as I am stressed about what the future holds.
I have put my hard hat on and I am ready to be told I am being ridiculous. This is just the way that I feel however, and I can't really change that.
Thank you in advance for any advice or musings!