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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child lost soft toy. Should I get another and fake it?

107 replies

Teddybear87 · 13/10/2023 12:06

My DS is almost seven. This summer, he lost his beloved jellycat soft toy. I’m considering getting a new one, and faking it. I would need to take its arm off and stitch it back on again a bit wonky and put it through the wash a lot of times to make it look “loved”!

I don’t know if that’s not a good thing to do. It’s lying, isn’t it?

And what if he can tell the difference?

He’s still devastated about it, and I’m heartbroken for him so am v tempted to do it. Because maybe he really needs that soft toy?

What would you do?

OP posts:
Worddance · 13/10/2023 12:07

If he's struggling to sleep and you're sure you can do it, yes.

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 12:09

Surely if this happened in summer then he is going to be getting better about not having it by now? I wouldn't bother but maybe I'm mean lol.

LadybirdLover · 13/10/2023 12:10

YABU. I think it’s an important lesson to learn that sometimes we can’t always get everything back.

Floralnomad · 13/10/2023 12:10

I’d just let him pick a new one .

SM4713 · 13/10/2023 12:11

Have you asked him?

'If we can't find old jellycat, would you like a new one?'

Or, 'We could get a new jellycat whilst we still look for your old one- how does that sound?'

icantchangetime · 13/10/2023 12:12

Yes

Simple solution

You don't need everything to be a life lesson ffs people

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 12:12

Give him a new one and tell him it is a replacement for the one he lost. I would have no qualms about switching the favourite toy for a very young child, but at 7 he can make his own mind up. I am sure he will be happy to be getting the same toy back.

nutsnutspistachionuts · 13/10/2023 12:13

At 7 I'd ask him outright. "Shall we get a Tiddles 2, look here he is on the internet, then if Tiddles 1 turns up then he'll have a friend?"

Original poster
Teddybear87 · 13/10/2023 12:14

SM4713 · 13/10/2023 12:11

Have you asked him?

'If we can't find old jellycat, would you like a new one?'

Or, 'We could get a new jellycat whilst we still look for your old one- how does that sound?'

We did that and have got a new one, different type of animal etc. He seemed to be handling it okay, with some wobbles.

But the last couple of weeks there have been tears every other bedtime again, and a sadness that his soft toy is out there “lost and alone” and also sadness that he’s had him since he was a baby, and now he’s gone. I’ve tried saying “it is very sad” to acknowledge his feelings and also saying maybe his soft toy has found some new friends, but this doesn’t seem to comfort him!

OP posts:
Todaysproblem · 13/10/2023 12:17

we had this happening when mine was about 5. I half faked it, I pretended the toy went on a holiday and came back beautiful, refreshed and looking like new (must’ve gone to Turkey)! She then found the old one somewhere, looked puzzled at both and I had to pretend it was the toy’s cousin visiting, it was a whole thing. 🙄

She’s 9 and still sleeps with the original toy and the ‘cousin’.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/10/2023 12:18

I’d do it, if you can.

And I’d liken that sort of ‘lying’ to the ‘love lies’ we used for parents with dementia, when they could never remember anything for even 2 minutes and the truth was only going to distress them.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 13/10/2023 12:20

My ds almost 7 tucked his beloved toy into my bed this morning before he went to school. If it got lost I would replace it from the stash I've ebayed he would be devastated. So I'd say yes replace preferably eBay so it's a bit worn already and get someone to post him to ds with a some funny photos of his adventures since he has been gone. Even if he twigs then it would be cute.

ShellySarah · 13/10/2023 12:21

Just buy him another one and say this is toy2. Hopefully you can love it just the same.

Sartre · 13/10/2023 12:22

7 is a bit different to 3. At 7 I think he has the understanding to grasp the fact it’s gone missing and you should just ask him outright if he wants a replacement or just to choose a different soft toy entirely.

MasterBeth · 13/10/2023 12:22

icantchangetime · 13/10/2023 12:12

Yes

Simple solution

You don't need everything to be a life lesson ffs people

Life lessons should be good things, not bad things.

The life lesson that sometimes we lose things - and people - and life goes on in a different way is hugely valuable. Sadness is OK.

The life lesson that you risk teaching if you fake it is "you can't trust what your parents say to you and they will tell you lies rather than confront your reasonable emotional reaction".

Squirrelsonthescaffolding · 13/10/2023 12:23

I’d be honest but offer to buy a new one. My parents told me my teddy had to go to the toy hospital to be fixed and came back good as new. I found out as a young teen that it was a new teddy and they’d thrown the old one away as it was worn.

I was upset as the first one was given me by my lovely nanna and she’d died shortly before the ‘hospital’ trip so didn’t have anything to do with imposter bear. I don’t think it’s worth risking the showing your child your word can’t be trusted.

lolomoon · 13/10/2023 12:24

Could you buy another the same and tell him that Jellycat has been to the doctor to get fixed/ for a makeover & now he's like new?
My little brother had the same thing when he was little. He would know it was 'different' to the scruffy loved version,so we made up that teddy had been to the doctor to get repaired so he doesn't break again.

MasterBeth · 13/10/2023 12:26

lolomoon · 13/10/2023 12:24

Could you buy another the same and tell him that Jellycat has been to the doctor to get fixed/ for a makeover & now he's like new?
My little brother had the same thing when he was little. He would know it was 'different' to the scruffy loved version,so we made up that teddy had been to the doctor to get repaired so he doesn't break again.

Could you buy another the same and tell him that Jellycat has been to the doctor to get fixed/ for a makeover & now he's like new?

You could try this if you think your seven year old is a bit thick.

Escapetofrance · 13/10/2023 12:29

Fake it.

Squirrelsonthescaffolding · 13/10/2023 12:32

Cheers @MasterBeth ! 😂

BernadettesToothbrush · 13/10/2023 12:38

@Todaysproblem that is so sweet!

Ellie1015 · 13/10/2023 12:45

I think at 7 it probably won't work. Also sometimes kids just need a reason to be sad at bedtime. Perhaps he is feeling a bit rubbish about the back to school routine and homework etc and it isnt really the toy at all. Maybe he is just delaying bedtime or maybe something else bothering him.

I don't think it will do any harm, just dont think it will solve the issue as he will likely know/suspect not the same one.

SlipperyLizard · 13/10/2023 12:50

My DD lost her beloved soft toy a few years ago, it was heartbreaking to watch her genuine grief. We got a replacement and agonised over whether to try to “age” it and say it had been found.

She was 11, though, and ultimately we decided that it wasn’t worth the risk of being round out.

We gave her number 2 toy as a replacement, and tried to reassure her that number 1 had most likely been found and was being looked after by a new family, as that’s what we’d do if we found a lost toy and could find the owners.

Still pulls at my heartstrings even thinking about it!

WomenCantBeBulliedOutOfResistance · 13/10/2023 13:02

The Christmas Pig by JK Rowling is all about what happens to lost toys and other precious lost things. Might help him with his feelings? There are some sad themes in the book though.

CalistoNoSolo · 13/10/2023 13:02

When DD lost her (discontinued) favourite Teddy I did everything I could to find a replacement. She had been given it when she was born, just a cheap tesco one, but he was her favourite from the word go and she loved Teddy so much. In the end I found one on ebay and bought that. The new version had a different patterned top but was otherwise identical. I told her Teddy had been on holiday and was still in his holiday clothes and she accepted the replacement without question.

Teddy is still her favourite, he's been all over Europe and to SA, India and Canada with her. He's currently guarding her room at university and I'm very glad I found a replacement. Dd was only about 4 at the time though, I think your son may be too old for thus kind of story.