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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child lost soft toy. Should I get another and fake it?

107 replies

Teddybear87 · 13/10/2023 12:06

My DS is almost seven. This summer, he lost his beloved jellycat soft toy. I’m considering getting a new one, and faking it. I would need to take its arm off and stitch it back on again a bit wonky and put it through the wash a lot of times to make it look “loved”!

I don’t know if that’s not a good thing to do. It’s lying, isn’t it?

And what if he can tell the difference?

He’s still devastated about it, and I’m heartbroken for him so am v tempted to do it. Because maybe he really needs that soft toy?

What would you do?

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 13:06

I'd do it. He's 7, not 17. He still believes in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. Where's the harm?

Marblessolveeverything · 13/10/2023 13:13

I voted YABU because I honestly don't think you will be able to replicate him exactly - smell etc. I think acknowledging how sad it is and processing it will be more successful.

At his age I would be honest and work out how to make the best of what is a loss. I would reassure him that his friend is safe somewhere - and that his teddy would want him to remember him in the good times. Poor pet.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 13/10/2023 13:15

I replaced a lost soft toy when DS was 5.
Even though he looked the same, and id beaten it up, slept with it, washed it etc - he knew.

newYear10 · 13/10/2023 13:35

Sartre · 13/10/2023 12:22

7 is a bit different to 3. At 7 I think he has the understanding to grasp the fact it’s gone missing and you should just ask him outright if he wants a replacement or just to choose a different soft toy entirely.

This. I have a 7yo and would not even entertain the ridiculousness of lying and alterations just to not tell him the truth. He's 7! Just ask if he wants another one. are you really saying he doesn't understand that it got lost ?

anon0007 · 13/10/2023 13:43

Yes get him another.

I'm shocked at people saying it's a life lesson. Not everything is a life lesson ffs.

Spencer0220 · 13/10/2023 13:46

I don't agree with everyone saying he's 7 and it shouldn't be a big deal.

My husband is 34. When he was 11 his mother decided he was too old for all his teddies and got rid of every single one. It absolutely traumatised him.

He was still affected by it when I met him nearly 20 years later.

The only thing that helped? My mother (without telling either of us) set about finding him a new teddy. From her. So that no matter what happens, nobody can take it away.

Trust me when I tell you, that 33 year old sobbed like a baby on Christmas Day when he opened that package. It will never undo what happened, but it went a long way to helping

I can't tell you what to do with your son. Only you know whether to replace new or fake it.

But if he's struggling? I'd do something.

MardiLisa · 13/10/2023 13:48

No one can fake it! Buy a new one, give it to him as new and help him name it. Tell him you know it won't replace the old one but you wanted him to have it all the same.

CoalCraft · 13/10/2023 13:50

Don't try and fake it. You'll almost certainly fail. My DD instantly recognised her replacement was a different one and she was 2.5. I hadn't been trying to pass it off as the old one but even if I had I'd have failed instantly.

Ask him if he'd like another one, and if yes, buy him one. Be honest about it.

Obviously not quite the same but I was so hurt as a kid that my mum tried to pass off a new pet as an old one that had passed away while I was in school. I noticed straight away and was then gutted, not only that my pet had died but that my mum had planned not to tell me.

Sprogonthetyne · 13/10/2023 14:03

I have 3 of my 4oy's special toy, I rotate every few months, when the current one needs a wash, so they all look roughly equally loved. Luckily non of them have required surgery yet, so haven't had to maim the others to match.

Spencer0220 · 13/10/2023 14:13

Sprogonthetyne · 13/10/2023 14:03

I have 3 of my 4oy's special toy, I rotate every few months, when the current one needs a wash, so they all look roughly equally loved. Luckily non of them have required surgery yet, so haven't had to maim the others to match.

I love this idea

musicforthesoul · 13/10/2023 14:14

At 7 he's most likely going to realise if you try and fake the old one, it's not going to work and could make him feel worse if he realises later you've lied.

I'd offer to get him a new exact replacement if he wants but let that be his choice.

Beamur · 13/10/2023 14:19

Every home with little children needs a copy of Tatty Ratty by Helen Cooper - deals with this perfectly.
I think at 7 your DS is not going to be conned by a deliberately dishevelled toy. Sadly honesty is the best way - beloved toy is lost and may not come back. I would offer a new toy to love and sympathy and understanding for the loss of the other.
We had to impose a no special toys out of the house after the loss of one!

VineRipened · 13/10/2023 14:19

I would do it.

And say he has been travelling / on holiday / visiting relatives and got a bit lost but is home now, and has had a good bath.

It is likely that he will know what happened but telling himself this will allow him to move forwards with new cuddly.

Children this age can (and do) live an imaginary / emotional life alongside their rational understanding. That is how he, and other children, feel so strongly about him being ‘lost and alone’, and all the other adventures toys have.

Also how they understand Father Christmas etc.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/10/2023 14:26

Always good to have several of a fab toy and Rotate them but obv to late for that

I would ask ds if he would like a replacement till other one turned up

Or buy a different one

Going forward - either a fav toy stays in the house

Or

Put your phone number on toy on label etx so if found they can ring you

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 14:29

@Spencer0220

I don't agree with everyone saying he's 7 and it shouldn't be a big deal.

No-one on here has actually said that.

Thebigblueballoon · 13/10/2023 14:31

Do it. Absolutely no harm in this and it’ll bring joy to your son.

PurplePanther1 · 13/10/2023 14:40

I echo what others have said - that he'll know. My granddaughter had a favourite cuddly toy. Her mum bought two more of the same, but it didn't stop her having a preferred one of the three. She knew every last detail such as three missing stitches and she was only 3 when it went missing, so a 7 year old will definitely know the difference.

trevthecat · 13/10/2023 14:48

We've done this, with two children actually. The face of utter joy and relief when they got the new toy was absolutely worth it. 1st one we said he had been cheeky and gone to the North Pole and told santa what he wants for Christmas! He was about 7 at the time. Second we just said we had found him but he was younger at about 4

toadasoda · 13/10/2023 16:24

We got a 'new' second hand one on ebay. DD called it 'new mouse', to this day we wonder where 'old' mouse went. She was delighted and understood it was a replacement but that was OK. She was 4, at 7 I think he wouldn't be fooled by pretending

zingally · 13/10/2023 17:04

I'd just take him to pick out a new one.

happytobee · 13/10/2023 18:15

which is it? i’m in some jellycat groups as an avid collector myself and could ask for you

wouldthatbeworse · 13/10/2023 18:32

I rotate my 7 yo’s bunny with the 3 we have in a drawer. She kind of knows (saw a spare once) and she will comment on the fur feeling different or the holes having come back but overall she is accepting. I think I’d do it. Can you get a “pre loved” one to save all the washing.

Brendabigbaps · 13/10/2023 18:37

We’ve sent a few away to be “juzzed”
basically they get lost/eaten by the dog, we buy a new one and it turns up, we then tell DD that they’ve been away to be juzzed. A bit like a spa fir teddies. It gives a reason why they come back looking like new! She still believes now at 10!

fearfuloffluff · 13/10/2023 18:40

DD lost a special little mouse toy, we got a different one (I'm an eBay fiend) and told her the mouse had gone away go uni and then came back, so that's why she was different.

Could his bunny have gone to a health spa or salon or something, and come back with appropriate things?

seymourhoffwoman · 13/10/2023 18:54

Read the Knuffle bunny books by Mo Willems. Made for this situation

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