Child lost soft toy. Should I get another and fake it?

[Teddybear87]

My DS is almost seven. This summer, he lost his beloved jellycat soft toy. I’m considering getting a new one, and faking it. I would need to take its arm off and stitch it back on again a bit wonky and put it through the wash a lot of times to make it look “loved”!

I don’t know if that’s not a good thing to do. It’s lying, isn’t it?

And what if he can tell the difference?

He’s still devastated about it, and I’m heartbroken for him so am v tempted to do it. Because maybe he really needs that soft toy?

What would you do?

I think he could know the difference even with a second hand one, BUT you could try having the replacement sitting on the doorstep one morning. Then you could feign surprise and leave it to him to make the decision as to whether it is the real one come home, or whether he wants to suspend disbelief and accept it anyway. It must be awful as 7 year olds are still very young and to them that toy is a real friend which has been with them through thick and thin. I definitely DO NOT see this as lying! And anyway we lie all the time so as not to hurt people's feelings and with children it's all about creating magic for them. All positive imo. Good Luck.

Yes do it. I did and it worked a treat. My parents took my daughters to Disney and my youngest had a little cuddly dog she adored. Of course she left it accidentally at the airport in Paris and was devastated. I tried calling the airport but they hadn’t found it and looking around endless shops to find a replacement with no luck. A couple of months later I was in a little gift shop and they had the toy. I bought two (one for back up should it happen again!). I put it in a padded envelope and got some French stamps from my post office and addressed it to my daughter. I pretended the Postie had delivered it and gave it to her. She was just ecstatic. To see her so happy was totally worth the lie. I told her the truth eventually (probably in her teens) but she thought it was lovely that we’d done it. She still has the toy and she’s 27 and I still have the spare!

My son loved his jellycat teddy so much that I bought two more abd used to rotate them but when he got to about 5 or 6, he would only sleep with the original one, he knew the difference. He named all three of them different names and whilst he liked the others, he wouldn't sleep with them. He just knew they weren't the same.
I wouldn't try to fake it at his age but I feel for you as its heartbreaking when they lose something so loved. I hope he comes to terms with it.

I'd not lie to him but buy a preloved one the same, don't worry about the arm and say this is its brother/cousin as the original decided to take a trip. Maybe a preloved over a new one would be more acceptable for him?

Absolutely agree with @Dita73 My daughter (aged about 8) was bought a cat toy from the Rainbow cafe in London by her Auntie. Lost it on the way home. Heart-rending posters were put up in the street, I called everywhere we had been - nothing. I called Rainbow cafe and bought a new one and my daughter was beyond overjoyed to have him back with a story that someone had handed it in from the train. Now I know that the first toy was newish to start with, so didn't have the badges of "love" that some toys have, but I think, as a parent, this is time for a white lie, whatever that might be, "he doesn't smell the same as the people who found him thought he needed a wash" - "he has been to the toy hospital and they have mended his stitches and made him look like new, what a great job they have done, isn't it great to have him back". And for all those who insist that lying is not a great lesson to teach, put your child and their feelings first, then cope with your own. You will have to be economical with the truth sometimes, and for lots of different things as they grow up. There does come a time for "brutal truth" I agree, but it is not when your child is missing a toy or comforter at an early-ish age.

I would absolutely fake it. I'd take it a step further and 'find him' in the washing machine with your DS. To explain where its been and why it might look a bit different, because it's been washed.
Everything doesn't have to be a lesson in life. He's only young, let him have his favourite Teddy back.

yes. Do whatever it takes.

my 60 year old husband cried big soppy tears when he spotted a toy in an antique shop window that he lost when he was 6. Different toy obviously but same (and now a dinky toy worth $$$) but I ran straight in to buy it for him. F@ck the cost. Worth. Every. Penny.

do whatever it takes to fix his heart so you don’t have to let his wife do it when he’s 60!!!

I'd do it. Sod life lessons. I remember making my parents drive up and down a country road at night to find a small soft toy that my sibling had dropped out of the car because I hated thinking about it all alone in the dark and wet.

But I wouldn't give it to your DS outright. I'd leave the new one out in the garden on a rainy morning under a bush or in a shed (or somewhere your DS could plausibly have lost it) and 'find' it together with your DS. I'd make sure it was a bit muddy/wet/the worse for wear and needed to go in the washing-machine, which would help to explain any differences.

What a wonderful wife.

That’s brought tears to my eyes.

I wouldn't try and replace in the "ooh look he's turned up!!" way, especially after all this time. If you're the kind of person that gets attached to teddies they aren't replaceable - it's genuine grief.

My DD lost a teddy earlier this year, she's 11, she was absolutely devastated. It was a very little one she took everywhere so it wasn't a surprised he got lost eventually. I found a new one but changed its name and gave it a different personality (she gives them all "feelings"!). The new one is now a very well established part of her life (secretly goes to school every day!) but she still wistfully talks about the one she lost every now and then.

Yup. DD at 3 handed back clean rabbit and demanded the other one which was being washed. She had no idea there were multiples. But she knew what she had been cuddling in bed for three weeks. If any parent out there is planning a rotation, do it very regularly indeed!

Yes. We did it.
Look! They found snuggle and washed him and made him perfect again!

A PP suggested reading him JK Rowling's the Christmas Pig.
OP - DO NOT do this. That book is pretty traumatizing for young children. Yes it's on topic and explains about lost toys but there is a real sense of hopelessness to it for all the lost toys who are desperately trying to hide from a baddie. He would be distraught thinking his beloved dog was scared and frightened and trying to hide.

I wouldn't at that age. The kids I know whose parents tried it always knew! Didn't smell the same.

I agree that 7 is too old to pretend- mine would have known. Not to say don’t try and get a new special one though.

The slightly elaborate solution in our house was the invention of “Teddytropolis” where all teddies live and pop in and out of the human world. Lost teddies live there, daddy’s lost Ted from when he was a child is happy in a little retirement cottage there, there’s even a special needs school for teddies with missing limbs and stuffing that works differently. Lots of this came from my daughter’s own imagination at around 7, but it meant the lost teddy was never truly lost, he was living it up at teddytropolis beach with a honey ice cream - and it helped.

This is why DD(12) now has:
Dolly
Floppy Dolly (she tumbled the spare pretty quick and adopted it)
Stiff neck Dolly (took her a few years longer to discover this)

And I still have:
Super Spare Dolly, who lives in a box in a drawer under my bed away from peeping eyes and prying fingers.

Get him another one. I still think about my lost toy and I'm 31 years of age 😂

Don’t do it!

I’d be tempted to buy a second hand one off eBay or vinted so it looks worn.
although I tried this with my DS and he sniffed and gave it back and said it wasn’t his as didn’t smell right!!

We used to keep spares of DD1's favourite Teddy for this very scenario.

When I was a kid my parents told me my parrot flew away. When I was 16 my mother confessed he died. I felt so stupid and betrayed, I surprised myself with this reaction. Do what feels right for you but if you decide to lie, don't feel compelled to tell him about it a decade later.

Completely different scenario.

They def have a smell

Dd has bun bun - a small pink bunny but we have lots as seen friends kids distraught losing a toy

So when born I brought a lot of them and easily brought on eBay /Amazon

She knows she has a few but does have a particular one that is a fav which is smellier and grubbier

It gets washed weekly - end of

Yesterday she handed bun bun to me and said smelt bad as had a dark patch one corner

Which it did

I asked what it was

Dd 6 reply

My snot and bogies mummy 😂🙀

I said needs to be washed as small was rank

Weirdly enough when we go on holiday she likes a brand new bun bun 😂

She she doesn't really mind which one as long as has one. Or 5 😂

Counted 5 in bed this am

My children of similar age would 100% know it was faked. They’d know the colour and placement of the stitches in the broken arm, the smell, the grubby patches.