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Original poster

What should I pay, if anything towards my partners car

88 replies

Lalalalala555 · 12/10/2023 20:35

So I just wanted some advice as to splitting car costs.

My so of 4 years has a car. They use it to drive to work, sometimes on weekends with us.
Its so's car, but only so is insured on it, has full use and decision of where/if they drives it.

Our relationship is we live together. I wfh, so works from office. We're not engaged. If so ever leaves me the car will be theirs.
They chose the car on their own, in terms of budget and what car it is.

I benefit from the car if we go away on holiday / for the weekend.
I don't get to use the car myself, if I need to get anywhere ie doctors or food shopping I use public transport /my bike. We have one parking space where we live so I couldn't get my own car.

Question is - to what extent is fair to split costs?

  1. don't pay anything, it's so's car, if I go somewhere with s.o, s.o would be going anyway/ actively wants to go
  2. pay for fuel or split fuel, for journeys we make together
  3. same as above, plus I pay for extra stuff when we have days out like food/drinks as a thanks to them driving and also using their car
  4. we split fuel, and I pay a nominal amount towards maintenance/loan/insurance costs
  5. we go halves on all costs.

I'm in a pickle what's right, because I do benefit, but I had no decision on what car it was and therefore the related expenses of insurance, maintenance and insurance. I also don't benefit in any way from independent freedom. Any journey that car makes is one s.o has decided is one s.o wants to make.

If we were living apart, I think its pretty normal someone you date you don't pay towards their car. Like people don't pay towards each others appearance costs/tv license or anything else they benefit from in a relationship.

If s.o ever did leave me, s.o would leave with a car. So any upkeep/loan costs would be towards his asset.

(not disclosing current arrangement because I'm really curious to have non biased opinions on what's right and also what others do)

OP posts:
Polly271220 · 12/10/2023 20:37

You pay nothing towards it

SoSad44 · 12/10/2023 20:38

I was in your situation- SO had a car, I never used it alone but we did trips and shopping and together. I contributed for fuel on longer journeys nothing else. When I started driving it, I paid for fuel occasionally. Didn’t contribute to MOT or insurance. Have my own car now and pay all my own stuff.

AnneKipankitoo · 12/10/2023 20:39

It’s so car. Maybe offer to pay a share of fuel or parking if you benefit from trip.

UndercoverCop · 12/10/2023 20:39

I think you could chip in for some petrol if you're going away together and driving, or if it's a day trip you might cover the parking, or buy the coffees. I wouldn't be paying halves for a car you don't use, especially when you cycle/use public transport for your own appointments and socialising etc. The fact he doesn't drive to food shopping, which is a pain on public transport, when I assume you're buying food for both of you is outrageous!

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/10/2023 20:39

If anyone pushed for more I'd say no.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 12/10/2023 20:39

number 2. His car, but offer towards trips made together for both your benefit.

SoSad44 · 12/10/2023 20:39

But overall my SO never expected or asked me to contribute to fuel, we definitely didn’t calculate it or anything. I think you should have expect to contribute ti long journeys like holidays together.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 12/10/2023 20:40

Sorry, I rudely assumed his. Clearly, it could be hers!

Fionaville · 12/10/2023 20:41

I wouldn't pay a penny towards it! Its their car!
I wouldn't offer petrol money for joint days out either. I don't take petrol money from friends if I drive on days out, so I certainly wouldn't from a SO! Only a tight arse SO would want money towards a car that is theirs. If they are asking, I'd run a mile.

ISeeARedDoorAndIWantToBreakIn · 12/10/2023 20:41

So they won’t even drive the two of you to the supermarket for the food shopping that you both eat? I wouldn’t be paying a penny towards it, but maybe, as you suggested, an extra coffee or similar on a day out.
Are the days out decided by him, or would he drive if you said “I’d like to go to Legoland next weekend, what do you think?”

parietal · 12/10/2023 20:41

Chip in for fuel on long journeys but otherwise it is his car.

DisquietintheRanks · 12/10/2023 20:41

I think you should offer petrol money and chip in for things like parking on holidays and days out, but nothing more than that.

Khvdrt · 12/10/2023 20:41

I’d be paying towards fuel; before DH and I moved in together if we did a long trip in each others cars then we’d pay towards fuel and i think if you do lots of day trips in his car that you’d otherwise have needed to use public transport for then it’s fair to pay towards fuel. I wouldn’t be paying any other costs though as he’d have them regardless

Soggydog · 12/10/2023 20:42

Number 2. And if he wants a reward for doing all the driving I'd say its his choice as he could put you on the insurance and halve it or you both split the cost of a hire car to share the driving.

jolenethea · 12/10/2023 20:43

2 seems fair

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/10/2023 20:43

2 if you are very scrupulously attentive to splitting everything exactly.

But it's a bit joyless. I'd rather buy lunch when we go out and DP is drinking kind of thing. Nice to offer, vaguely even, isn't nitpicking and mean.

Tinkerbyebye · 12/10/2023 20:44

You pay nothing for it if you go out split costs if food etc

arethereanyleftatall · 12/10/2023 20:45

Two things.

  1. The car. I'd pay all petrol and car parking charges any where we went together.
  1. I would hate to be in a relationship where this would even come up. I'd rather be single.
jolenethea · 12/10/2023 20:45

Although I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett.

I don't think I'd take money if it was my car, me and DP don't split things to that degree.

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 12/10/2023 20:46

option 2.

or you could pay one half of the 45p / miles that HMRC allow as mileage costs. So that 22.5p / mile . But then lf course you shouldn’t pay extra for food or coffee on the day , as you’ve already paid your half.

Id be interested to know how you divide up the other costs of living together.

ChickHenLittle · 12/10/2023 20:47

I'd say 2 or 3.

Daffidale · 12/10/2023 20:48

At minimum you should go halves of fuel for holidays and weekend trips. It would be a nice gesture if you offered to cover all the petrol on those trips, as a thank you and contribution for your SO doing all the driving and also the wear and tear.

beyond that it depends on how you manage the rest of your finances. If you are very much “my money, your money” people, then it’s OK that your SO covers their own car costs. If you are much more a partnership and split household income and expenses either equally or proportional to income, then personally I think the car maintenance is a joint household cost, and you should at least talk about what a more equitable split would be. The fact your SO uses it for their commute might mean you don’t split 50:50. But then you’re into how you are splitting other household costs. For example your SO could argue that you should pay more of the heating and electricity bill, as you WFH all day while they don’t.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/10/2023 20:48

Why on Earth if he isn't using the car can't you use it to go food shopping or doctors etx

Obv would need to be a names driver

I just find this really weird that he lives with you but you can't use his car if he isn't using it

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 12/10/2023 20:49

Half of fuel if you go on long journeys together.

Doggymummar · 12/10/2023 20:50

Pay nothing towards it

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