What should I pay, if anything towards my partners car

[Lalalalala555]

So I just wanted some advice as to splitting car costs.

My so of 4 years has a car. They use it to drive to work, sometimes on weekends with us.
Its so's car, but only so is insured on it, has full use and decision of where/if they drives it.

Our relationship is we live together. I wfh, so works from office. We're not engaged. If so ever leaves me the car will be theirs.
They chose the car on their own, in terms of budget and what car it is.

I benefit from the car if we go away on holiday / for the weekend.
I don't get to use the car myself, if I need to get anywhere ie doctors or food shopping I use public transport /my bike. We have one parking space where we live so I couldn't get my own car.

Question is - to what extent is fair to split costs?

1. don't pay anything, it's so's car, if I go somewhere with s.o, s.o would be going anyway/ actively wants to go
2. pay for fuel or split fuel, for journeys we make together
3. same as above, plus I pay for extra stuff when we have days out like food/drinks as a thanks to them driving and also using their car
4. we split fuel, and I pay a nominal amount towards maintenance/loan/insurance costs
5. we go halves on all costs.

I'm in a pickle what's right, because I do benefit, but I had no decision on what car it was and therefore the related expenses of insurance, maintenance and insurance. I also don't benefit in any way from independent freedom. Any journey that car makes is one s.o has decided is one s.o wants to make.

If we were living apart, I think its pretty normal someone you date you don't pay towards their car. Like people don't pay towards each others appearance costs/tv license or anything else they benefit from in a relationship.

If s.o ever did leave me, s.o would leave with a car. So any upkeep/loan costs would be towards his asset.

(not disclosing current arrangement because I'm really curious to have non biased opinions on what's right and also what others do)

I would offer to fill it up every now and again when using it for a joint journey. To be honest though, if your SO is stressing out about this perhaps they can’t afford the car at all. Sounds like a lot of stress for a few tanks of fuel.

1 or 2 - half fuel on long journeys/hols. There would be NO way I would be contributing to a car that I didn’t use.

I own and drive a car and my husband benefits - but it is mine, he can't drive.

We do 2, split fuel, unless I use it for a proper solo trip. If a joint trip, he also does all the "dogs body" chores for that day - going to the bar, bringing luggage in etc as a thanks for driving.

I think you pay for holidays. Unless perhaps having the car means your daily life is facilitated eg so does food shops, random shops, takeaway runs in it.

Pay nothing unless you're using it for holidays and really long trips in which case it would be fair to split the fuel cost

Chuck them half the cost of fuel for longer drives.

Nothing or half the petrol costs on long journeys. I wouldn’t expect to pay for short lifts.

His car, his cost. I wouldnt pay anything towards it.
And if he asks for fuel money, then i wouldnt wanna be in this relationship.

I mean, its nice if you offer something towards fuel etc once in a while. Or invite him for the dinner out sometimes if he always drives etc. But he shouldnt expect you to pay for it.

No you shouldn’t pay for the car or running costs. No more than your SO should pay for your bike or your tube pass.

Yes to petrol money, covering food on long journeys, paying a bit extra towards a holiday to compensate etc.

If you end up having children and it becomes more of a family expense then maybe that’s different but as it stands it is not a household expense so no need for you to contribute each month - unless of course you want to because you can afford it and they are struggling.

Same! I couldn't be in a relationship this transactional. Money has just been ours since we moved in together about 10 years ago. We both pay for everything.

I don't know OP, but it sounds very complicated. Who bought the washing machine? The sofa? The bathroom blinds? Does the other person pay something towards wear and tear? If you paid jointly for the TV, how do you work it out if one of you watches it more than the other?
If you really do run your relationship like that, then I guess half of the petrol for joint trips, plus half of a day's worth of the total annual cost of all other motoring expenses would be strictly fair. But it's a bit of an odd way to live as partners.

Always offer the pay for convenient parking when you are out together.

If you have much longer journeys together then you might want offer fuel.

Our cars cost about £5 for two hours driving in fuel. So just paying for car parking might be an easy fairer way to contribute.

If your finances are still separate, then you should be offering to contribute towards fuel/parking when you are both using the car.

I mean, if a mate of mine gives me a lift anywhere unless it's literally a 5 minute drive I'll always offer money for fuel.

If you go on a big trip it makes sense to pay half of fuel costs (I'm talking hour plus driving/holidays really) otherwise you pay nothing. You aren't even insured to drive the car ffs!
Myself and my (then) DP were in a similar situation where I had a car that I used for commuting etc. He was insured on the car so he could use it if needed. It never occurred to me to get him to pay for anything. It was my car! If we went on holiday one of us would probably fill up on the way, one on the way back, but that was it. If he was using it and it needed fuel he would put it in. Other than that, my car, my expense.

You pay your way with fuel costs, but that's it.

You pay nothing, maybe fill up the tank if going away. I’ve never previously asked a boyfriend to contribute anything to my cars.

I think the 'I've never previously asked' bit is the bit that many of us our finding the dynamics of this relationship so unappealing.

'Asking' wouldn't come in to it. In a normal healthy relationship where the two people actually like each other and aren't stingy
'Let me pay for the driving, you pay for everything else, so I would like to.'
'Don't be silly, I don't mind at all'

And so, at lunch;
'I absolutely insist on getting this. You keep paying for everything and I want to.'
'Lol, ok'

*petrol not driving

I dare say there must be a lot of little hypocrites hiding here on mumsnet because there was another thread about this literally a few weeks ago, but the opposite perspective, a woman who owned the car and was the only driver, and her husband was refusing to contribute towards it claiming it’s not his car. And EVERY response was that he was a joke, should be paying towards it, and in fact majority saying if he refused to then to stop taking him anywhere in it etc. Presumably on a weekend if you go somewhere you go in the car? Do you use the car to do your weekly food shop? Do you use the car for date nights?

If you are benefitting from the car, you should be paying towards it. They don’t run on fresh air, so yes as a minimum pay petrol. To be honest at the point you’re living together and presumably heading in the direction of marriage, surely these things become joint?

Somewhere around option 2 or 3, and that would be normal if you didn't live together as well. If I went on a weekend away with a friend and she drove, I'd offer half the fuel/parking and probably pay for a few drinks or something while we were away to say thanks for driving. I wouldn't pay all the fuel, and I wouldn't pay for everything on the day out/trip away - half the fuel and then something small to say "thanks" is the most I'd be willing to do.

I wouldn't be paying anything towards insurance, maintenance etc except indirectly in that by buying a meal or coffee to say "thanks for driving" I'm acknowledging that wear and tear on the car is a thing and that driving is a faff, and that I'm grateful to the other party for putting themself out in that way.

Is there a reason you're not insured on the car though? That's the weird bit to me here.

Yes, her husband. Who on becoming her husband signed a contract that linked their finances and who would be entitled to have the value of the car taken into account in event of a divorce.

Nowhere has OP said they are "heading in the direction of marriage", in fact they have explicitly said they're not engaged. And in any case I would counsel them against heading in the direction of marriage with someone who seemingly can't be arsed to give them a lift to the supermarket but expects them to pay towards car insurance.

Thanks.

Few clarifications on posts from above.
Ive never 'asked' ie been super direct because my default is.
We split petrol if its a long joint trip. I buy snacks/coffee/food on route as well, as a thanks for them driving.

Weekend days out (local), I pay for coffee/&cake, lunch, dinner. We usually go out for some food and drink but not all three. If we go a long way I'll offer a bigger meal. If its a half hour drive I'll offer coffees ect.
I pay for parking as well, especially if trip benefits me.

We are not heading for marriage, sadly, but we have been together for years.

Its got interesting because I've been asked this evening to contribute towards maintenence costs. And I'm at odds about it.
After reading this thread I don't think it is normal for a partner to expect to pay for their other half's maintenance costs.
They aslo suggested paying half of the 45p/mile whenever joint using the car.

For clarification.
We live together. Been together 4+ years. We don't have kids. We rent one bed flat.

I wfh so don't drive to work, like they do.
I get bus/cycle to doctors in week. I get train to do walks after work.

They will do some food shops using car.
We will go for weekend day trips in car.
We will visit family (mine and theirs) in the car. About once a year we take a long road trip to alps.

I don't have my own car because I don't need one because I wfh. Would quite like one but we only have room for one car where we live (the road parking is non existent being city centre and no permits allowed). I would be allowed by them to be insured on their car, but choose not to. Partly because they have the car 5 days a week anyway. They usually want to do something at the weekend, if I do something on my own I get the train or walk. We do do joint errands in the car sometimes e.g food shop. But equally I will do a food shop and carry it home on foot.

Its tricky.
I split or cover petrol depending on the trip (ie split joint interest, pay for viisitng my family, friends or medical). Also I pay for parking and food and drinks when they drive a long way and it's joint interest or my interest. And usually at weekends if we do day out together.

I don't like that I've been asked in that it feels tit for tat. But I also want to be a nice person and be fair. But I'm also not sure if it's being taken a bit too for granted.

I'd do 2 or 3.

I absolutely wouldn't pay him 45p a mile. Wtf?

Is the rest of your relationship like this?

My partner doesn't drive so we are sort of in a similar position. In our relationship the majority of driving is to pick up and drop off his daughter so I ask for a good contribution towards petrol but I don't ask for anything towards the car itself. I did consider asking slightly more as the driving to get his daughter has a huge impact on the mileage and as car is on pcp this might impact the end price/trade in value but I think I will cross that bridge if/when I come to it

Do as you’re doing and that seems fair.
Contribute fuel when you go out in the car.

Their car their costs, otherwise.

Maybe you could order some shopping online to take away some of the shopping burden.
I used to be with someone who didn’t drive and it was expected of me to drive to the supermarket on my days off to do the weekly shop.