What should I pay, if anything towards my partners car

[Lalalalala555]

So I just wanted some advice as to splitting car costs.

My so of 4 years has a car. They use it to drive to work, sometimes on weekends with us.
Its so's car, but only so is insured on it, has full use and decision of where/if they drives it.

Our relationship is we live together. I wfh, so works from office. We're not engaged. If so ever leaves me the car will be theirs.
They chose the car on their own, in terms of budget and what car it is.

I benefit from the car if we go away on holiday / for the weekend.
I don't get to use the car myself, if I need to get anywhere ie doctors or food shopping I use public transport /my bike. We have one parking space where we live so I couldn't get my own car.

Question is - to what extent is fair to split costs?

1. don't pay anything, it's so's car, if I go somewhere with s.o, s.o would be going anyway/ actively wants to go
2. pay for fuel or split fuel, for journeys we make together
3. same as above, plus I pay for extra stuff when we have days out like food/drinks as a thanks to them driving and also using their car
4. we split fuel, and I pay a nominal amount towards maintenance/loan/insurance costs
5. we go halves on all costs.

I'm in a pickle what's right, because I do benefit, but I had no decision on what car it was and therefore the related expenses of insurance, maintenance and insurance. I also don't benefit in any way from independent freedom. Any journey that car makes is one s.o has decided is one s.o wants to make.

If we were living apart, I think its pretty normal someone you date you don't pay towards their car. Like people don't pay towards each others appearance costs/tv license or anything else they benefit from in a relationship.

If s.o ever did leave me, s.o would leave with a car. So any upkeep/loan costs would be towards his asset.

(not disclosing current arrangement because I'm really curious to have non biased opinions on what's right and also what others do)

Do you really make your dp do all the driving to the Alps just because you don't want to go on the car insurance?

While I didn't think you should be paying for the upkeep to begin with, the fact he's happy for you to go on the insurance but you are refusing makes me think you should pay more than just petrol. You are putting the burden of driving on him to go see your family/go on holiday even though you can drive. Seems pretty selfish of you.

Ehat you do now is more than fair, I would not be paying maintenance costs because it isn't your car and if they leave they get to take it with them.
What reason have they given for requesting this sudden change?

You are already doing too much. Paying for all
meals, lunches , coffees and cakes because he drives is already too much.

How are the rest of the finances split? I suspect he is taking advantage of you in lots of ways.

In those circumstances I wouldn’t expect to pay towards it, not unless I was driving it

I have a car, I chose it, as the only driver I drive it, I tax, insure MOT and service it. Its my car.
I think I've only asked my partner to pay for fuel once, when I'd done a lot of running around after him, other than that I'm the one that wanted a car so I'm responsible for it.
But my partner (not married, lived together for 15years), pays for ther things. We have our own money and joint money, all in all it probably works out that we share bills/outgoings 50/50

Tried to remove gender so it's less biased.

If you're going to do that, and I think it's silly, don't use "so". Couple of reasons. "So" is a word, and you haven't capitalised or separated it so it's much more difficult to read. DP is an option, or OH or s.o. or SO if you must use significant other. Or just write 'partner'.

But it's also worth saying that the world is different for men and women, same sex versus mixed sex couples. So what you think of as bias may actually be realism about the world.

You pay nothing for the car. If you go on long trips together you can split the cost of fuel.

What you do is sufficient. Don’t pay for maintenance too.

He does sound pretty awful - you’re already being far more generous. I’d hate the lack of generosity when they have a car anyway and be ready to split up.
The 45p a mile rate is high and I’d suggest using alternative transport e.g. for holidays and I’d order shopping online rather than subsidise their trips.

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I’d pay for petrol if it needed refuelling when you were on a journey together. Unless you take a lot from them financially already and they feel taken advantage of, I think it would be off for them to start getting the calculator out. It’s a joy to be generous in a relationship isn’t it, to help each other out?

Absolutely no way you should be paying towards maintenance costs! Would your DP pay half of the replacement cost of a new bike if yours got trashed? Would they pay 50% for your new trainers, since you need them to walk in?! Honestly, contributing towards petrol costs on shared journeys and occasionally paying for parking when you're out together are exactly what you should be doing, and no more. Your DP is a CF.