What should I pay, if anything towards my partners car

[Lalalalala555]

So I just wanted some advice as to splitting car costs.

My so of 4 years has a car. They use it to drive to work, sometimes on weekends with us.
Its so's car, but only so is insured on it, has full use and decision of where/if they drives it.

Our relationship is we live together. I wfh, so works from office. We're not engaged. If so ever leaves me the car will be theirs.
They chose the car on their own, in terms of budget and what car it is.

I benefit from the car if we go away on holiday / for the weekend.
I don't get to use the car myself, if I need to get anywhere ie doctors or food shopping I use public transport /my bike. We have one parking space where we live so I couldn't get my own car.

Question is - to what extent is fair to split costs?

1. don't pay anything, it's so's car, if I go somewhere with s.o, s.o would be going anyway/ actively wants to go
2. pay for fuel or split fuel, for journeys we make together
3. same as above, plus I pay for extra stuff when we have days out like food/drinks as a thanks to them driving and also using their car
4. we split fuel, and I pay a nominal amount towards maintenance/loan/insurance costs
5. we go halves on all costs.

I'm in a pickle what's right, because I do benefit, but I had no decision on what car it was and therefore the related expenses of insurance, maintenance and insurance. I also don't benefit in any way from independent freedom. Any journey that car makes is one s.o has decided is one s.o wants to make.

If we were living apart, I think its pretty normal someone you date you don't pay towards their car. Like people don't pay towards each others appearance costs/tv license or anything else they benefit from in a relationship.

If s.o ever did leave me, s.o would leave with a car. So any upkeep/loan costs would be towards his asset.

(not disclosing current arrangement because I'm really curious to have non biased opinions on what's right and also what others do)

3

Thanks for all the input. It hasn't 'come up'. It's more I'm just not sure what is fair and what isn't.

Currently we split filling up the car if we go away for the weekend or a long journey. If its a long drive I'll pay for food as well as a thanks for driving.

If its more local stuff, I pay for parking and or snacks.

But recently I've been thinking maybe i should be helping with upkeep costs because the car is expensive!
But the cost of the car wasn't my choice, how it's maintained is not my choice, and it is not my belonging. It is so's.

So hasn't mentioned anything. I was starting to wonder if morally I should be paying more or if it's fair as it is.

Tried to remove gender so it's less biased.

I would offer to pay for petrol once in a while but nothing more

Id say somewhere between 1 and 2.

This was my position when dating my husband (I was the driver). I’d never ask him for car costs but if I’d driven a long way he would buy us dinner or something as a thank you to me for driving. He would offer to buy a tank of petrol occasionally if he knew I’d done a lot of driving for us but I’d rather he just do something else for us instead.

1, or at a push/if SO is very short of money, 2, but it doesn't sound like they are.

I would say you pay nothing for the car, and you don't overpay on days out unless you're massively the higher earner - either way that's unrelated to the car.

I wouldn't think it was wildly unfair for you to pay half of the petrol on days out, but I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship where we were keeping such close and transactional tabs on how much we were each spending. They're going out to do something fun with you and benefit from your company, and in a decent partnership I'm sure you contribute in other ways. I don't like the tit for tat mentality unless either of you are struggling with cashflow & it makes a material difference to your quality of life.

I'm in a similar position the other way round. My car, I pay the tax, insurance, servicing etc.
My partner is on the insurance, I pay all of that as well because it's only about £40 difference for the year to put him on.

Only thing he contributes is an occasional fill with petrol, and that's because he uses the car independently to go to work meetings, pick up his kid etc. But it's my car so he can only use it when I don't need it, so seems fair to me.

2, thats how we do it although my partner will always come pick me up etc if he can and I need it.

Nothing. It’s their car and he benefits from holidays /shops etc too

Depends how you slit the rest of your household money.

If you have ‘one pot’, and all expenses, bills, food, mortgage comes out of, then the cost should come out of it.

If you do 50:50 on rent, food, bills etc, but pay for your own clothes, travel to work etc, then he pays, but you contribute to fuel for long journeys (unless you’re providing food etc).

We plan to go down to one car, mine, dp will be paying half the fixed costs(and hopefully most of the petrol if if strategically leave it on empty ) but we both are insured on in even now. If we do a long journey he'll put fuel in, whereas day to day currently he uses his on car or motorcycle so I fill up my car. He's still paying all costs on the bike as I don't use that

Possibly contribute towards fuel for journeys for your benefit unless you are paying in other ways.

If someone who was described as my SO had a car that I wasn't insured on and wasn't permitted to drive especially in bad weather, then they simply wouldn't be significant to me in any way.

If you can't already drive and they haven't suggested getting you a couple of lessons and then sitting next to you while you practice, I would also be giving them a very wide berth.

I would expect to share the car and pay half for maintenance and upkeep. If SO chose not to facilitate the above, I would not be contributing.

3, definitely. driving everywhere is an absolute chore, going halves on petrol for a trip that you’ve enjoyed is entirely fair. Buying lunch or a coffee is a nice thing to do for someone who has the sole burden of driving all the time.
Anything else-tax, insurance, repairs etc- that’s on your partner.

@theunbelievabletruth sorry, am I missing something, has the OP said she isn’t allowed to drive the car especially in poor weather?
Genuine question, I’ve read the OPs posts twice and can’t see it? Not sure if I’m skimming over it, this would change my answer entirely.

I think number 3 of the options you suggest.

Op said his right at the end of the post.

Not really much point putting all that faff in tbh.

No one actually cares about your gender. Truly they don’t.

And suggesting that the kind people who have taken time to answer your thread are biased is just mean.

No kids yet I've only got a car for work. Everything else is easily accessible by public transport why should DH pay (he doesn't drive)

If its their car then I'd not pay anything towards it, but I'd split petrol and parking costs when using it together and top up petrol and pay parking by myself if I use it.

1. Maybe throw in a simple coffee if you're going away together and the travel time is over an hour.

Generally 1. If a trip taking a few hours together maybe 2.

Option 2 - that's what I've done with mates before.

3 may be… not really sure. How are other bills split. I’m presuming you can’t drive, can drive but don’t want to be on the insurance. That your so uses car for work so that’s why you can’t use it for G.P appts etc.

This sounds like such a weird relationship.

If SO is paying for half of your public transport costs, then you should split the car costs. If SO is not splitting your transport costs then why should you split his/hers?

I would probably split petrol for longer journeys, like a weekend away together, but if s/he hasn't consulted you on what vehicle to get (condition, economy etc) or put you on the insurance to use as you wish, then no, I wouldn't pay for it.

If you’re on holiday / a day trip together than you should split transport costs in the same way you split the other costs of the holiday. Otherwise you shouldn’t pay anything.