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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband denies everything

92 replies

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:27

Hi everyone. I’ve name changed here so as not to link to other posts.

this is probably not as exciting at the title suggests, I’m sorry, but it does drive me insane and I would like some advice.

My husband and our DC share the main bathroom of the house while I use the en suite. I never really use the main bathroom because they are both a bit messy. (Toothpaste everywhere, empty toilet rolls etc.) I was doing some cleaning the other day and their toilet was dirty so I put a bit of bleach down and told both of them to use the en suite to leave the bleach overnight.
I was there (en suite) washing my hands while DC peed and en-suite was clean when we left.
When my husband was going to bed a little while later I reminded him to use my bathroom instead of the main one. I then heard him go in and pee and go into the main bathroom to brush his teeth then go to bed.
i went up to bed shortly after and there was very obviously wee all around the base of the toilet and the toilet seat was up. At this point I will mention that dc is a girl.
I cleaned it up and got into bed quite annoyed with him and told him why. He DENIED even using the toilet saying he didn’t need a pee before bed…
Hes just come home from work and denied again that it was him and that someone must have spilled something.

I have many more examples of things he denies doing..
I came down one morning to let the dog out and the back door wasn’t locked. He was lay to bed that night so would have let the dog out before going up. He swore blind he locked it.
we used to have a fridge that had a weak close and he would just kind of push it and it would not catch but stay open a crack. I’d often find it and tell him to make sure he’s closing it properly and he’ll deny having been at the fridge. Leaving the back yard tap on overnight. Leaving the side gate unlocked.
there are lots of other little examples. Things I know he definitely did but he Denys it all.
why does he do it? And what can I do about it because he drive me up the wall.

OP posts:
Pinkpinkplonk · 11/10/2023 16:30

🤣, if he’s not accused, he can’t deny!
Just point things out. The hose was left on…… again!!

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:32

😂 that’s usually what I do but the pee incident has really pissed me off 😂

OP posts:
WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:33

I just said to him today a simple sorry, I’ll check next time and clean it up would have done. But I’m so annoyed that he is telling me now he never even used the toilet.

OP posts:
Trampley · 11/10/2023 16:35

Instant defence mode...it's like a child!

TomatoSandwiches · 11/10/2023 16:35

Clean up the pee with his socks.

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:36

It is…

OP posts:
fearfuloffluff · 11/10/2023 16:37

You have an en suite to your shared bedroom but you don't let him use it?!

Tbh this sounds like a parent-child relationship more than a married one. He shouldn't lie, but also you shouldn't really grill him over mistakes.

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:37

TomatoSandwiches · 11/10/2023 16:35

Clean up the pee with his socks.

😂😂😂

OP posts:
WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:38

fearfuloffluff · 11/10/2023 16:37

You have an en suite to your shared bedroom but you don't let him use it?!

Tbh this sounds like a parent-child relationship more than a married one. He shouldn't lie, but also you shouldn't really grill him over mistakes.

I don’t forbid him from using it. He uses the main one as he gets up very early for work and does so so he won’t wake me. Very considerate really except when I’m expected to clean up his piss.

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 11/10/2023 16:41

How is a grown ass man peeing all over the floor if he can’t aim by now he should be sitting down or going to the opticians or both likely.

margotrose · 11/10/2023 16:44

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:38

I don’t forbid him from using it. He uses the main one as he gets up very early for work and does so so he won’t wake me. Very considerate really except when I’m expected to clean up his piss.

Where did he say he expected you to clean it up?

ParisHi1ton · 11/10/2023 16:44

Why don't you tell him next time

"DH, when you lie to my face about something you have obviously done, it makes me wonder what other lies you tell me and I lose a bit of trust and a bit of love for you every time you do it.
If you're trying to tell me we have a ghost which enters our house and pisses on the toilet seat 5 minutes after you've been in there, then I need to take you to the doctors to get your brain checked as you're clearly delusional.
You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes, but you're also an adult who is married to me and is supposed to love me, so please don't lie to my face."

If he continues then you have a bigger problem than piss on the loo seat I'm afraid.

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:46

margotrose · 11/10/2023 16:44

Where did he say he expected you to clean it up?

Em well when do you think he would have gotten around to it since he was already half asleep in bed? At 5am when he got up for work or when he came home today? Was I supposed to leave it there overnight to permeate and soak into the grout?

OP posts:
margotrose · 11/10/2023 16:47

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:46

Em well when do you think he would have gotten around to it since he was already half asleep in bed? At 5am when he got up for work or when he came home today? Was I supposed to leave it there overnight to permeate and soak into the grout?

Well, I certainly wouldn't be cleaning the piss of a grown man.

If he wants to piss on the seat and the floor of his own bathroom, let him crack on with it.

Moro93 · 11/10/2023 16:55

My DH used to occasionally do the same thing, I had a serious conversation with him and said I find it extremely frustrating and every time he lies about something daft it makes me lose a tiny bit of trust. I also said that we teach our children that honesty is always the best policy so he isn’t setting the best example. He has massively improved since then, although he does have ADHD so sometimes he genuinely forgets small things like leaving packets open etc.

The few times over the years that I’ve noticed he’s peed on the seat when I’ve went to use the toilet, I make him clean it up there and then as it’s his responsibility.

I do find it strange though that you refer to the ensuite as ‘my bathroom’. It seems a bit controlling. You also said your DC is a girl and normally shares the main bathroom with your DH, so is she having to deal with the urine splatters everywhere when she goes to the toilet?

MonumentalLentil · 11/10/2023 16:55

Put a ping pong ball in and tell him to aim at it, like a child. Give him cleaning stuff and stop cleaning up after him.

Hbh17 · 11/10/2023 16:55

Stop telling him where he can go to the loo, and then checking up on him. He is an adult in his own house - he doesn't need permission, and he certainly doesn't need to be questioned about such trivialities. Poor guy !

zingally · 11/10/2023 17:01

That's not a normal reaction, to flat out deny small things...

Did he come from a household where small mistakes were punished? Or massively over-reacted to? And the immediate deny is a knee-jerk response from childhood?

margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:11

It reads a bit like you've got into an odd dynamic - telling him he can't pee in his own bathroom, or telling him off for not shutting the fridge properly. It's a bit parent/child rather than two equal, married adults.

Only you know whether he's a man child who can't be trusted, or whether you've fallen into a pattern of commenting on everything he does "wrong".

Abitslow · 11/10/2023 17:11

Second post today that reminds me why i choose to stay single.

Sparkleshine21 · 11/10/2023 17:17

That’s fucking gross that your daughter has to deal with her fathers urine all over the floor near the toilet. Does that not absolutely enrage you?

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 11/10/2023 17:23

My husband used to be like this. It was even worse when he was drinking but more recently he's finally been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. We've spoken about this sort of thing and he's said that in his head because he didn't remember doing it, it can't have been him.

Thankfully he is more aware of himself now and doesn't just auto deny everything!

GuinnessBird · 11/10/2023 17:25

He's pissing over the floor like a fucking child!

SeatonCarew · 11/10/2023 17:26

margotrose · 11/10/2023 16:44

Where did he say he expected you to clean it up?

Every time he doesn't clean it up, he relegates OP to the role of Piss Fairy,

margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:29

SeatonCarew · 11/10/2023 17:26

Every time he doesn't clean it up, he relegates OP to the role of Piss Fairy,

Only if she chooses to be. I wouldn't be cleaning up anyone else's piss.