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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband denies everything

92 replies

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 16:27

Hi everyone. I’ve name changed here so as not to link to other posts.

this is probably not as exciting at the title suggests, I’m sorry, but it does drive me insane and I would like some advice.

My husband and our DC share the main bathroom of the house while I use the en suite. I never really use the main bathroom because they are both a bit messy. (Toothpaste everywhere, empty toilet rolls etc.) I was doing some cleaning the other day and their toilet was dirty so I put a bit of bleach down and told both of them to use the en suite to leave the bleach overnight.
I was there (en suite) washing my hands while DC peed and en-suite was clean when we left.
When my husband was going to bed a little while later I reminded him to use my bathroom instead of the main one. I then heard him go in and pee and go into the main bathroom to brush his teeth then go to bed.
i went up to bed shortly after and there was very obviously wee all around the base of the toilet and the toilet seat was up. At this point I will mention that dc is a girl.
I cleaned it up and got into bed quite annoyed with him and told him why. He DENIED even using the toilet saying he didn’t need a pee before bed…
Hes just come home from work and denied again that it was him and that someone must have spilled something.

I have many more examples of things he denies doing..
I came down one morning to let the dog out and the back door wasn’t locked. He was lay to bed that night so would have let the dog out before going up. He swore blind he locked it.
we used to have a fridge that had a weak close and he would just kind of push it and it would not catch but stay open a crack. I’d often find it and tell him to make sure he’s closing it properly and he’ll deny having been at the fridge. Leaving the back yard tap on overnight. Leaving the side gate unlocked.
there are lots of other little examples. Things I know he definitely did but he Denys it all.
why does he do it? And what can I do about it because he drive me up the wall.

OP posts:
Readingineading · 11/10/2023 17:30

Hbh17 · 11/10/2023 16:55

Stop telling him where he can go to the loo, and then checking up on him. He is an adult in his own house - he doesn't need permission, and he certainly doesn't need to be questioned about such trivialities. Poor guy !

But the op can just go on cleaning up his piss and not mention it ? Dont think so pal !

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 17:30

Fuck it. I had a whole post written to answer all of the above and it has disappeared…

it is not a trivial issue. Leaving a puddle of piss for someone else to step in is disgusting.

I do not “control” where he pisses. He is free to use either bathroom. He chooses to use the main one out of habit and the fact he gets up early in the morning.

I refer to it as “my bathroom” purely as it has mostly my things and I am the primary user.

my daughter uses the main bathroom as it is closer to her bedroom.

yes we do probably have an “odd dynamic”… I’m sorry for wanting our food to stay fresh or to not have my slippers soak up piss off the floor.

OP posts:
NunsKnickers · 11/10/2023 17:30

I would find this sort of defensive lying behaviour childish and very unattractive.

Readingineading · 11/10/2023 17:32

margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:29

Only if she chooses to be. I wouldn't be cleaning up anyone else's piss.

Well the op is hardly going to leave it there for the DC to step or sit in, is she ?

1month · 11/10/2023 17:38

YABU to clean up a grown adults piss!!

Why did you not get him out of bed and tell him to clean it up?

And why did you go into the main bathroom if you usually only use the en-suite?

This whole situation is so odd!

I put bleach in either just before bed or when we’re heading out for work/school.

Are you sure it couldn’t have been DD who made the mess, especially if she was half asleep?
So he is in fact telling the truth?

Him lying about something so trivial would really annoy me.

margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:38

Readingineading · 11/10/2023 17:32

Well the op is hardly going to leave it there for the DC to step or sit in, is she ?

Well, in the short-term, I would let my child use the (clean) ensuite bathroom to avoid that problem.

In the long-term, I would leave a relationship with a man who was so disgusting that he thought it acceptable to leave his piss all over the floor.

1month · 11/10/2023 17:39

Are you a SAHM?

I’m just wondering why you’re cleaning the bathroom that you never use and then cleaned up an adults piss.

Rosscameasdoody · 11/10/2023 17:39

margotrose · 11/10/2023 16:44

Where did he say he expected you to clean it up?

Probably didn’t, but if there’s no attempt after a certain length of time, the expectation would be clear wouldn’t it ?

margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:41

Rosscameasdoody · 11/10/2023 17:39

Probably didn’t, but if there’s no attempt after a certain length of time, the expectation would be clear wouldn’t it ?

I suspect he doesn't care either way.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 11/10/2023 17:42

TomatoSandwiches · 11/10/2023 16:35

Clean up the pee with his socks.

Toothbrush first

Rosscameasdoody · 11/10/2023 17:42

Hbh17 · 11/10/2023 16:55

Stop telling him where he can go to the loo, and then checking up on him. He is an adult in his own house - he doesn't need permission, and he certainly doesn't need to be questioned about such trivialities. Poor guy !

And the issue of cleaning the piss up off the floor……………… ? If someone was constantly doing this I would be limiting him to one bathroom too.

Rosscameasdoody · 11/10/2023 17:43

Canonlythinkofthisone · 11/10/2023 17:42

Toothbrush first

Surely she’d be too busy scrubbing the actual toilet with his toothbrush, so his socks would be ideal to sop up the pee !!

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 17:44

1month · 11/10/2023 17:38

YABU to clean up a grown adults piss!!

Why did you not get him out of bed and tell him to clean it up?

And why did you go into the main bathroom if you usually only use the en-suite?

This whole situation is so odd!

I put bleach in either just before bed or when we’re heading out for work/school.

Are you sure it couldn’t have been DD who made the mess, especially if she was half asleep?
So he is in fact telling the truth?

Him lying about something so trivial would really annoy me.

You have misread my post…
the main bathroom toilet was filthy. I had put bleach in to leave overnight.
I had asked them both to use the en-suite not the main bathroom…
the piss was all over the floor of the en-suite that I had to use before bed.
my daughter wasn’t half asleep. He was. He was in bed when I found it. Denied he even used the bathroom. The seat was up and I fucking heard him use it.

OP posts:
WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 17:46

margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:38

Well, in the short-term, I would let my child use the (clean) ensuite bathroom to avoid that problem.

In the long-term, I would leave a relationship with a man who was so disgusting that he thought it acceptable to leave his piss all over the floor.

That’s the plan….

OP posts:
margotrose · 11/10/2023 17:47

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 17:46

That’s the plan….

Good for you Flowers

I wouldn't focus on why he does what he does. You'll never figure it out!

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 17:47

1month · 11/10/2023 17:39

Are you a SAHM?

I’m just wondering why you’re cleaning the bathroom that you never use and then cleaned up an adults piss.

because he doesn’t clean it and I want my dd using a clean, hygienic toilet

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 11/10/2023 17:47

My DS is like this. He's 12. He is ND though so maybe that partly explains. I have an en-suite so that's where I shower and pee. DS uses the main bathroom. Pees all over the seat, the floor, and anything else in the way and then says it wasn't him. Let me remind you sunshine, there are two of us in this house and only one has a penis. It's worse when he's half asleep and he doesn't do it in the evenings but my God I'm fed up of cleaning up pee. I think I might start using his socks and see if he likes it!

WillDenyAnything · 11/10/2023 17:49

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/10/2023 17:47

My DS is like this. He's 12. He is ND though so maybe that partly explains. I have an en-suite so that's where I shower and pee. DS uses the main bathroom. Pees all over the seat, the floor, and anything else in the way and then says it wasn't him. Let me remind you sunshine, there are two of us in this house and only one has a penis. It's worse when he's half asleep and he doesn't do it in the evenings but my God I'm fed up of cleaning up pee. I think I might start using his socks and see if he likes it!

This sounds exactly like my husband.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 11/10/2023 17:49

OP can you not let your daughter use the en suite with you and just leave him to it ? At some point he must realise he’s created a filthy mess, but the longer it goes without him cleaning it, the clearer it will become that he expects you to do it. Then you have a decision to make. Don’t envy you.

Motnight · 11/10/2023 17:50

TomatoSandwiches · 11/10/2023 16:35

Clean up the pee with his socks.

Or his toothbrush

Shoxfordian · 11/10/2023 17:51

He has absolutely no respect for you - why are you with him? He’s disgusting

IMustDoMoreExercise · 11/10/2023 17:53

fearfuloffluff · 11/10/2023 16:37

You have an en suite to your shared bedroom but you don't let him use it?!

Tbh this sounds like a parent-child relationship more than a married one. He shouldn't lie, but also you shouldn't really grill him over mistakes.

Would you want a messy person using your bathroom if you had the choice?

I don't blame the OP.

JennyJenny8675309 · 11/10/2023 17:54

TomatoSandwiches · 11/10/2023 16:35

Clean up the pee with his socks.

You also might need to scrub with his toothbrush.

Paininthederriere · 11/10/2023 17:56

What’s he like in accountability taking in other areas of your life? I’d hate it if someone is always blameless. Does sound childlike lying instantly. Can’t you play him at his own game? Not that you should have to stoop to that level. But it could show him how annoying it is. Sounds like you’re doing all the responsibility taking for things too domestically - he does sound like a bit of a child. Sorry OP. Maybe start roping him in more & letting him pick up the consequences of his actions?

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