Husband denies everything

[WillDenyAnything]

Hi everyone. I’ve name changed here so as not to link to other posts.

this is probably not as exciting at the title suggests, I’m sorry, but it does drive me insane and I would like some advice.

My husband and our DC share the main bathroom of the house while I use the en suite. I never really use the main bathroom because they are both a bit messy. (Toothpaste everywhere, empty toilet rolls etc.) I was doing some cleaning the other day and their toilet was dirty so I put a bit of bleach down and told both of them to use the en suite to leave the bleach overnight.
I was there (en suite) washing my hands while DC peed and en-suite was clean when we left.
When my husband was going to bed a little while later I reminded him to use my bathroom instead of the main one. I then heard him go in and pee and go into the main bathroom to brush his teeth then go to bed.
i went up to bed shortly after and there was very obviously wee all around the base of the toilet and the toilet seat was up. At this point I will mention that dc is a girl.
I cleaned it up and got into bed quite annoyed with him and told him why. He DENIED even using the toilet saying he didn’t need a pee before bed…
Hes just come home from work and denied again that it was him and that someone must have spilled something.

I have many more examples of things he denies doing..
I came down one morning to let the dog out and the back door wasn’t locked. He was lay to bed that night so would have let the dog out before going up. He swore blind he locked it.
we used to have a fridge that had a weak close and he would just kind of push it and it would not catch but stay open a crack. I’d often find it and tell him to make sure he’s closing it properly and he’ll deny having been at the fridge. Leaving the back yard tap on overnight. Leaving the side gate unlocked.
there are lots of other little examples. Things I know he definitely did but he Denys it all.
why does he do it? And what can I do about it because he drive me up the wall.

For the 3rd time… the piss was all over the en-suite floor

Thanks to those for the sensible replies. I’ll leave it here.

All sounds very familiar. Strange how I don’t wipe snot off the shower walls now that exh has moved out…

Just keep doing something that pisses him off then deny it. “Wasn’t me. Must be the same ghost that pisses on the floor and can’t be arsed to clean it up”.

I agree with a previous post that this is probably a psychological thing that stems from childhood. I used to be similar in my childhood/teens, I had a frankly weird ability to either forget or lie to MYSELF to the point where I genuinely believed I hadn’t moved a key, left something out etc.

I did work on it/grow out of it but to this day, when ‘accused’ of something my first instinct is to justify why I’m not a terrible person, not just say sorry. a work in progress.

MN isn’t a good place to get relationship advice. The answer always seems to be ‘divorce him’…

Challenge him sure, but also take a broad view of the good this man does for you and your family.

I then heard him go in and pee and go into the main bathroom to brush his teeth then go to bed.
i went up to bed shortly after and there was very obviously wee all around the base of the toilet and the toilet seat was up.

Ok it sounded like you meant the main bathroom in your OP, which is why you were annoyed as you’d already told him not to use it.

Its irrelevant though because the bathroom that he used isn’t the issue.

The issue is that he pissed all over the floor and didn’t clean it up and then lied about it.

Don't worry about @1month OP.

They deliberately misread posts just to argue the toss for hours.

This post is less antagonistic than others of yours so I apologise for my previous post.

The lying is (I think) the main issue and if he’s denying it, then he’s blaming his dd by implication. I cannot understand a grown up pissing on the floor. Utterly disgusting.

I wasn’t trying to be antagonistic, I am just in shock that a grown man would act like that.
I’m sorry if it came across that way.

I assumed that OP was also annoyed that he’d used the main bathroom toilet, which is why she gave the back story of having to bleach it and her using a different one etc.

Suggest he sits down to pee. Much better for the bladder, and no trying to aim.

OP in future when posting, leaving out details and stick to the main point. Or else you get loads of annoying comments like on this that focus on en-suite/main bathroom rather than the issue! it’s so annoying as an OP!

So just post ‘he pissed in the bathroom and then denied it even though he was the only one that used it’.

It’s annoying you have to omit so much background stuff but for some reason posters get caught up a tiny detail that have nothing to do with your post and the thread gets completely derailed!

sympathies about your DH though. Unless he can admit he’s a habitual liar and needs help it won’t change unfortunately! Especially as he lies about lying!

Sounds like he needs to learn to pull his foreskin back a bit before peeing.

But yeah totally with you it's grim of him to leave the bathroom in a state if your children use the same bathroom. It doesn't take much to wipe up pee off the floor with tissue paper and flush it down the loo or wipe away toothpaste/stubble after shaving etc. Might be a push to expect him to put bleach down the loo though. Been together with my DH for 6 years and I don't think anyone else has ever put bleach down the loo except me!

He's lying because he can't cope with being to blame for anything - it stems from very low self esteem. My OH was like this, I thought he just lied about little things - turned out he was up to all sorts trying to boost his pathetic ego because he had no genuine self esteem.

Very very immature. My ex was like this & was also a compulsive liar. I think it goes back to childhood and having an enabling parent, most likely mother. You can't fix it, he has to do it himself, go to therapy or something. I know how infuriating it is!

@BearFacedCheekGrylls That’s grim, how the hell does snot get on the shower walls?!

My son is ND (he is autistic and ADHD, he’s also 8)… he knows not to leave the bathroom in a mess! Most of the time he notices himself, but on the occasions he genuinely doesn’t notice / realise, he always gets sent back in to clean it up and is very apologetic. Honestly OP, your partner is just gross!

If he lies about little things does he lie about the big things OP? I’d find it hard to know what’s true or not if someone compulsively lies.