To think any parent would do the same? Or am I bonkers

[Doritosandsourcream]

On holiday in the buffet eating dinner all I could hear was my son crying walking from the bar with his juice in his hand. I thought oh maybe he fell over so DH went over to him. Turns out that this little girl that has been picking on him for the past 2 days her dad has grabbed DS and twisted arm so tight he broke his skin and dug his nails into him. (German family)

DS has been coming to me about her saying she keeps pushing him and sticking her fingers up since they arrived. DS finally got annoyed and pushed her back earlier on in the day and she told her dad. So dad got his own back on DS.

I ran over to DH as he was shouting at the dad and the dad was just smirking and something just came over me and I punched him in the face.

Never in my life have I punched anyone and I didn’t think about the consequences at the time I just kept looking at my son he was in flood of tears.

It was the weirdest feeling I have never felt adrenaline like it.

aibu? How would you have handled it? The hotel did absolutely nothing.

@Doritosandsourcream Maybe not the right thing but definitely something that can happen out of nowhere when adrenaline and your hurt child are in the mix. I probably too would have done the same. People saying you’re a scruff for taking your kids out of school in term time, that’s such a reach - I’d do that too!

Not advocating violence but I’d prefer my kids to know I’d always stick up for them and protect them when needed.

And that dad wasn’t caring about being ‘classy’ was he. Such a weird thing for people to even suggest. When did you have to be classy when standing up for the ones you love and care for?

@toxic44 genuine question, if a man posted your message after hitting his partner, what would you think of his behaviour?

The worse thing my dad ever taught me was walk away. It made me scared and unable to stick up for myself growing up. I’ve always taught my kids to stand and fight and let the bully know whose boss.

You did the absolute right thing OP and I guess it was mothers instinct. Your son will know his mother will always stick up for him.

For those saying (in a whiny voice) “Urgh, what are you teaching your son?” I feel so bloody sorry for your kids whose parent is clearly a wet lettuce.

I've no idea what I'd have done, the mere thought of a strange man hurting my DS7 is too much to think of, I don't think I have the capacity to punch anyone but I may well have picked something up and thrown it at him.

How can you not understand that there is a vast range of options other than either hitting someone or doing nothing?

It is perfectly possible to stand up for yourself and others without thumping someone.

Because the hitters are too bone-headed to see that there's any alternative which might teach their children how to handle conflict and feel safe while doing so.

Got to be bot accounts, I really don’t believe there are that many thug parents on MN

yes well
done
and well deserved. what a prick. ANYONE puts their hands on my kids expect to be punched in the face for it. how dare he!!
sorry go to the police see
him intimidate ur child
further, can't
communicate, don't understand ruin more of your holiday, then
no evidence, no further action fuck that shit. this man knew what he was doing, no wonder the daughter is a fuxking bully as well. GOOD FOR YOU.

all you have taught ur child is that mum and dad will sort out any grown ass man who assaults their 6 year old!!

I can understand why you saw red and honestly don’t know what I’d have done if someone did this to my 6 year old child. I’d have probably punched him too.

@NeedToChangeName As I said, losing self-control to the point of striking someone is a frightening, ugly and unexpected aspect of oneself in that it's unmistakeable and undeniable. It shocked me into a self awareness that stopped me on my tracks. I identified what had triggered me and determined to be very conscious of that in future.
This is why I said to OP, cut yourself some slack. I am saying that if she has seen herself beyond her own control, accept she is capable of that reaction, and learn from it. Man or woman is not relevant and the incident was not about striking a partner. A bad situation is never improved by violence.

totally agree. i cannot believe their are
that many
people here that would ALLOW a man to assult their child and just stand and talk to him about it!! their poor children, a man hit
me and mum just talked to him and they all kissed and made up awwwww , gtf!! ooh on paper wouldnt it be a lovely world where we all kept our hand
to ourselves? wake up call, this is what bullies rely on in school and is what abusers rely on in the home. not hitting back. i'm actually disgusted that a
man would assult someone's 6 year old child and they would stand their
and talk it out!! no wonder this country is a bunch of bloody snowflakes now. i'm not saying go about hitting people by any
means, but put ur hands on my
kids, tell u it will be the last thing u do .

Was it the "right" thing to do, no of course not, would I have done it if a grown man had assaulted my 6year old boy, abso-fricken-lutely, though if his dad had witnessed it, the guy would already have been on his arse.
Again not cos it's big or clever or the right response, but cos of being protective. Some holier than thou responses on here for sure!

Exactly what I would have done if a stranger laid their hands on my child.

I’m not a violent person. Far from it. But anybody that purposely hurts a child and then smirks about it deserves a punch in the face. Good on you.

I understand the comments about it being a bad example for your son etc., but defending yourself is important in this world. It’s also important to know that if you go around hitting people for no reason, you can expect it back.

As a child, my parents taught me to tell a teacher if another child bullied or hit me. Be the “bigger person”. It rarely made a difference, which felt so disheartening and unfair as I was doing the right thing. One day I caved and grabbed the bully by the scruff of the neck. She never bothered me again.

I’m sure your son still knows right from wrong. It’s not like you go out looking for a fight!

If the OP had intervened sooner, when DS had first complained about the little girl, he'd have learned that his parents will stand up for him before an adult hurts him.

I bet the man is like it to his wife and child. If he will do it to a strangers child he is probably like it to those close to him. Probably why the daughter behaves like she does. Im glad you punched him, even if it was wrong.

You’ve taught your son that his mum is ALWAYS going to have his back! You’ve taught him that if grown ups behave inappropriately they might just get a punch in the face. That guy deserved that, it’s an absolutely appalling thing to do to a young child, on their own.
This is one of the ‘family stories’ you will be laughing about when your kids are older! Don’t stress it.

For those saying (in a whiny voice) “Urgh, what are you teaching your son?” I feel so bloody sorry for your kids whose parent is clearly a wet lettuce.

You’ve taught him that if grown ups behave inappropriately they might just get a punch in the face.

All you people advocating violence and saying things like the above. Please just stop and think through the logical consequences for a moment.

I volunteer with victims of domestic abuse. The mainly male perpetrators aren't born that way, somewhere along the line they've learnt that violence is acceptable in certain situations. Maybe if their wife is acting inappropriately...

I would never do this, but would really want to. I’m glad you did it. How dare that man lay his hands on your child.

The OP's child probably behaves like he does because she's an ineffectual parent who suggests "hit her back" as a solution to her son complaining about the girl's behaviour towards him, rather than intervening at that point.

All her son is learning is that you can just hit someone if you're frustrated. I pity his future partner.

So now we have gone from a OP assuming the man did this (she didn't witness it) to you making accusations about how he might treat his family. Nice.
Are we to also extrapolate that the OP probably does the same to her family too, in other words thumps them every time she is frustrated/scared/doesn't parent properly? Thought not.

Judging by what I've read you went over and your DH was trying to talk to him and you stood with them and the guy was smirking and shushing you, and you punched him...

So you didn't punch him because he grabbed/hurt your DS...you punched him because he pissed you off when you tried to discuss it.

I could understand if you had seen him hurt your DS and then hit him, but in reality this wasn't a natural instinct to protect your child, it was a reaction to him smirking at you.