To think any parent would do the same? Or am I bonkers

[Doritosandsourcream]

On holiday in the buffet eating dinner all I could hear was my son crying walking from the bar with his juice in his hand. I thought oh maybe he fell over so DH went over to him. Turns out that this little girl that has been picking on him for the past 2 days her dad has grabbed DS and twisted arm so tight he broke his skin and dug his nails into him. (German family)

DS has been coming to me about her saying she keeps pushing him and sticking her fingers up since they arrived. DS finally got annoyed and pushed her back earlier on in the day and she told her dad. So dad got his own back on DS.

I ran over to DH as he was shouting at the dad and the dad was just smirking and something just came over me and I punched him in the face.

Never in my life have I punched anyone and I didn’t think about the consequences at the time I just kept looking at my son he was in flood of tears.

It was the weirdest feeling I have never felt adrenaline like it.

aibu? How would you have handled it? The hotel did absolutely nothing.

@alloalloallo that's horrible, there are some really nasty people around.

I do think your situation does sound quite different than the OP's though, and it sounds like you did your best to protect your child and be a decent human.

OP you need to have a good long think about your actions.

You son had said 2 days before the girl was bothering him. (you told him to push her back - that's... not ideal)

The action had already happened. Neither you nor your DH nor your son was in any danger from this "smirking" man. And yet you punched him, for zero reason.

As i have said upthread (but i realise some MNetters skim read and don't always understand the difference) there was NO justification for punching this man when you did. At a push if you saw him really hurt your child and it was the only way to make it stop (hint: it wouldn't have been) that was the time to get physical (also not ideal)

Supervise your son better, if only to protect him from riled up parents when he pushes their kid?

OP has yet to confirm that the man did actually do anything to her child, and also that she was present for every interaction between her child and the other child. She has also admitted telling him to continue the interaction between him and the other child instead of removing and protecting him at that point.

Me too. Sounds like a crocodile attack.

She doesn't need to justify it.. a grown man hurt her 6 year old...

I honestly do not understand what you were expecting the hotel to do? The hotel is a private,commercially operated establishment. It is not there to mediate between violent guests. All they could do was call the police, which you or any other guest could also have done. Why should a hotel employee get involved in this altercation, they may not have seen it or understood the context or relationship between the parties involved? They could be attacked themselves. Obviously it is wrong that a child was assaulted but you should have called the police yourself (or requested that the hotel do this on your behalf) rather than retaliate.

She doesn't need to justify it..she thinks that a grown man hurt her 6 year old...

Would I have punched a stranger , because my kid was crying?

she punched him cos he physically injured her child, not because he was crying. I wouldn’t have had the balls OP but good for you

Out of interest, how would anyone else in the restaurant want the German family gone? Unless you were really close up, what you'd see was:

• two small children bugging each other
• one of the parents intervening to remove the boy who could be seen shoving the girl
• the boy crying
• the father of the boy yelling at the other man
• the mother of the boy walking up and punching the intervening man
• the other family leaving rather than escalating

Unless I was close enough to see the specifics, I'd be thinking that a) at least the first dad was intervening, b) that the second dad could keep his voice down, c) the mum was a violent cow, and possibly d) oh, that's the family that have been noisy all week because the mum is too "anxious" to manage her screaming, food throwing child and certainly e) FFS, this is why I came on holiday on term time, shouldn't you be exhibiting your aggy behaviour in a playground somewhere?

On the whole, I'm reminded of the dad who was sat at the edge of the pool the other week, ignoring the fact that his son was dicking about almost kicking my heavily pregnant stomach. We didn't know who the child belonged to, so another woman and I kept telling him politely to be careful. Until the twat decided to lay into the woman telling him off - "you don't speak to him, you speak to me". Git.

well she would, tbh, if he called the police. Because at the time she punched him the only thing that was going on was a bit of verbal between two grown men. It did not require OP to launch herself across the room (who was supervising her DCs then?) to punch him.

Under those circs, i'm guessing the police would do nothing but issue OP a warning not to do it again and that she was out of order. Because I'm quite sure German chap would have given his reason as "OPs son pushed my daughter and as i was worried he'd hurt her again i took his arm to pull him away" (because if he did that, kid was in a t-shirt and twisted to get away, i can well imagine a friction-burn type of thing and maybe his nails caught the skin)

If you think just running up and punching people who do not present a current danger to your or your child is ok, you are seriously in the wrong.

Yep.. and he got a punch!

You were lucky that he didn't punch you back.

I am also not sure I believe that he broke the skin of this boy by grabbing his arm. He probably did grab him because his DD told him SHE was being picked on (so in his head he justified that he was protecting HIS child). You'd have to grab someone extremely hard to break their skin - as in a full on assault, which, in a hotel buffet bar, really?? And how do you know how long the police would take etc if the punch happened instinctively and straight after the man grabbed DS's arm?

I think what we can take away from this is that OP doesn’t care she’s just bringing another male up to be a violent twat.

I wouldn’t want that for my son, but OP clearly does for hers 🤷‍♀️

Yes, you are bonkers. You could be arrested. That’s not going to help your son.

I'm prepared to scrap if I need to. However it sounds as though there hasn't been enough supervision and telling a child to just shove back without intervening first and telling the kids to keep away from each other and the son to just ignore is wrong. The woman, by your logic was in her rights to hit you back. If it would have escalated neither of you would have been getting on that plane home. What if your child had have shoved back on stairs etc? You do both need to parent a bit more closely.

OP I do not think you have behaved at all well here. I am fiercely protective of my dc and my instinct is to attack anyone who hurts them but I don't give into it. I model the behaviour I want to see from them and have it out with calm discussion.

It's not ok to hit someone.

Yeah, I hate to say it, but you’re rough. That is not a normal response from a stable, protective, decent, well mannered mother. How did punching a man in the face protect your child? You’re lucky it didn’t escalate. What if he had hit you back? Or hit your husband? Or threw a glass, what if the wife had got involved? This started off with kids poking their tongues out? Why didn’t you manage it better days ago? Sorry but terrible parenting. 2 days ago when your DS said the little girl was being horrible, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere near her again had he been mine. We went on holiday this year and my 7 year old was never out of our sight. If I saw the German man (or any adult of any nationality) approach my child I would leap up and intervene and say all ok? Sorry I they’re winding each other up! He wouldn’t have got near my son, because he’s SIX, so I’d be watching him.

If I had seen this scene unfold on my holiday I would have been horrified and my children would be genuinely scared to see adults fighting.

Exactly as another poster said, I’d rather pay an extra 2 grand to avoid this sort of thing in the school holidays.

Well to be honest anyone who thinks that punching someone in that situation is appropriate is probably raising a child who is also poorly behaved and a trouble maker

Your son will remember how you stood up for him! He knows you have his back.

Ignore these snotty cows.

@User0000009

and what do you call a poster who accuses another of being a 'tramp'??

other than fucking rude.

I'm not a tramp, my DP isn't a thug, he just wouldn't say 'never mind' to a grown adult hurting a small child. He'd have floored the bloke to make him think twice about hurting another child. if big smirky bloke wants to dish it out on children , he should be prepared to have it right back from an adult. Else he can keep his hands (& nails) to himself & while he's at it teach his daughter how to behave

I grew up with a violent dad who more than once was violent to people because they had apparently done something wrong to me. I didn’t thank him for it or think he had my back. I thought he was a disgusting embarrassment and would try to intervene to get him to stop. Showing you can’t control your temper is nothing that a kid should thank you for.

OhNoForever · Today 11:20

Your son will remember how you stood up for him! He knows you have his back.

Ignore these snotty cows”

Snotty? Not thinking teaching your child that punching someone in the face is a good idea?
Talk about a low bar.

At least we know now for certain that MN is very mixed.

This thread is a prime example of why I find so many threads on MN claiming to earn six figures, have holiday homes abroad and live in desirable postcodes with access to the best schools - to be nothing but lies.

Here is a thread of people applauding and promoting loss of self control and violence - in front of children no less under the guise of ‘I did it for my child’ and even a poster proudly declaring she’d take on the wife while her husband took on the man. Jesus!

She didn't have his back until it was time to throw (unnecessary) punches so......