To expect my 11 year old to be able to use the toilet during the school day?

[bendy75]

Is this the norm? My 11 year old started in at secondary school last month and has had two warnings (or stage 2 - Low level disruptions) for asking to use the toilet.

I told him to try and go at break times but he tells me they are locked, confirmed today by staff when I asked, children who have a medical need can apply for a toilet pass but he does not, so has to try and go from 8.00 am until returning home around 3.00pm without using the toilet.

AIBU to be shocked by this?

This is awful. Why? I used to have anxieties about wetting myself in school and this would have been a nightmare for me.

This is awful. All the adults on here saying it’s fine for children would presume be ok taking a job that banned them going to the toilet for 7 hours? Or perhaps we are just preparing them to work for Amazon?

How long does it take to apply for a medical emergency pass, weeks or months? What about sudden extreme needs that can’t be planned for, vomiting, heavy periods, getting a sudden attack of the shits or the onset of a UTI? Is it character building to experience this in a classroom full of other kids? And what poor sod has to clean up after accidents.

Kids holding their urine in all day or deliberately dehydrating themselves to stay within this ridiculous rules are being set up for a lifetime of debilitating bladder complications, I hope they sue.

I'm hoping it isn't true, but if it is. I'm sorry to say this is abuse of power.

Going to the toilet is a need we all have, including children. What if they had an upset stomach. I'd be really concerned about this and if I find it to be true, my concerns would be from a medical and psychological point of view.

Are these children in a prison?
What crime have they committed?
Are they at risk of conditions like kidney stones, UTI?

I would take this really far if confirmed true. I'd Involve my GP, local council, RSPCC, school governors.

This isn't a school. No wonder children don't want to go to school these days. It's a prison, local and national news!

That's your school, not every school. And although it's a few years since I was at school, our timetable (and school layout) didn't allow time to go to the toilet between lessons. I do know that secondary schools near me have toilets locked except for lunch and break times.

I can understand that behaviour and disruption are major problems and I don't know what the answer is without more funding.

This is the current issue at my childrens and other local school. The schools have joined a new trust and the rules are a bloody joke. Children are refusing to drink during the day to avoid going to the toilet. Everytime they are allowed to go to the toilet the year team phones home to talk to you about your child's choices and how they can learn to control their bladders. Most of the toilets are locked or only open for a 10 minute slot.
This trust has been labelled a cult and it even made the news recently.

If it turns out to be true after you double check, you need to start a campaign to change this.

It's barbaric, and will make kids shy of drinking enough during the school day. The knock on effects of this can be horrible.

I'm so horrified by this - this is a recipe for kidney malfunction and bowel problems. It's actually quite easy for permanent damage to occur to children's bodies by restricting toileting (speaking from experience here unfortunately - the impact of a toileting aversion due to SEN and the long aftermath).
I mean WTAF, I would be raising hell - you are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable.

This. What would be the point in having toilets if they are always locked

Sorry but that's bs. A school would never have toilets locked. What if someone was ill? Either your son got the wrong end of the stick or he's talking shite to get himself out of trouble.

The OP says she has confirmed with the school that the toilets are locked at all times and the kids have to get a pass. Lots of schools operate this system now, including my nephew’s secondary school. It’s to stop the various unsupervised goings on in the toilets .

You don’t expect adults to hold it in for hours, why are children treated differently?

They're not. Teachers do not ever leave the lesson to have a wazz. They teach up to 5 hours a day.

If you realised the vandalism of the loos and how many vapes get flushed, even during the official loo times, you'd realise why.

I find this so difficult to believe. Surely that would be illegal somewhere along the human rights course.
Girls would be getting infections, not be able to clean themselves during menstruation and boys would be peeing up walls everywhere and it would stink.
If this is true, get in touch with your local mp and local papers

OMFG! I hope this isn't true. But I believe you. So sad

@TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon

Omniscient, are you now?

How can it be this bad in secondary schools now? What's changed? When I was in school there was a lot of bad behaviour but the toilets weren't locked (they tried locking them for a while but then they changed their minds and unlocked them again, after a lot of complaints, and there was always the toilets next to the RE office with the nice RE teacher who always had your back). School rules sound more and more draconian while behaviour is apparently getting worse and worse.

So glad I left the UK, and my children can go to schools where they can use the toilet when they need to (as can the teachers, for that matter)

I agree that there must be a misunderstanding...they can't lock the toilets at break and lunch time! Do they have a toilet just for the y7s? It can be intimidating for them to use the toilets with the older children. Maybe he's a bit nervous about using them and has tried to hold it? I'd double check with the school, have another chat with your son to see if he's a bit nervous and if he is ask the school if he can have permission for the rest of half term to go during lesson time, as long as he knows it's temporary and he has to get used to using it at the proper times. He's probably finding his feet and getting used to the huge change between primary and secondary. If it turns out that they actually are locked at break and lunch you definitely need to contact the head and get that changed! xx

Same in my friend’s child’s school and have heard them talk about it on the radio. I know there’s problems with kids vaping/messing in toilets but it’s still nuts to lock them

Dds toilets were only open during break and dinner. You didn't have time to use them and eat so you had to choose.
I used to write a note for a toilet pass when dd was on her period. She had to explain to her male form teacher in front of the whole class why she needed a pass. Yes the girls were teased about ' being on the blob'
One person in her class did wet themselves as they weren't allowed to the toilet. If I remember rightly one kid was even sent home to use the loo.

There was a school in the news a few months ago when pupils protested about locked toilets.

The school confirmed that ‘most’ toilets are locked and ‘most’ toilets are unlocked during breaks -

‘Students have free access to all school toilets at break and lunch times, during which times the facilities are supervised by members of duty staff.’

However, in reality ‘most’ toilets aren’t unlocked during breaks as there are issues with staff availability to supervise. During lunch break times, children may end up with a choice of either queuing up to access eating facilities or finding one of the ‘most’ toilets unlocked with a member of staff supervising. Tough luck if reduced staff.

https://www.theoldhamtimes.co.uk/news/23368756.oldham-school-tiktok-inspired-open-toilets-protest/?ref=msn

Vaping and messing is an understatement. We have had thousands and thousands of £ worth of damage done to toilets, including smashed pipes, ceiling pulled down, doors kicked in. And that isnt including toilet rolls thrown in the toilets, poo smeared on the walls, sanitary protection opened and thrown everywhere. The money comes from somewhere, and it isnt the families.

But the toilet situation is ridiculous. There are not enough for the growing amount of students and the solution needs to be school design. They need to be in an area of the school that they can be constantly monitored and open.

@MistyBean are you volunteering to come in and man the toilets? Or would you like your child’s lesson to be interrupted while their teacher accompanies each child to the toilet? I don’t agree with children not having access, but the practicality is that so many children treat the toilets horrendously. I went to secondary in the late 90s/early 00s and I refused to use the toilet unless my pad was over flowing as they were filthy with shit and period blood daubed on the wall, bullies sitting in the sinks waiting to trip you up or gob on you and they were always freezing bloody cold. I can’t see it being that much different now except now they’ll film you so it’ll be all over social media. Ideally parents would bring up their children to know how to use a toilet, but as they don’t, I don’t know what the answer is!

They are locked and during breaks are so busy that my child wasn't able to go as not long enough to queue up.
It's so bad. I spoke to the teachers and they said that's the way it is. I got my child toilet pass as has medical condition but it took long time to even issue the pass.

This is helpful:

https://eric.org.uk/information/school-toilet-policy/

Fucks sake.

What does this teach our children? How does this sort of policy help them to grow into well-adjusted, high functioning adults?
How would you feel if your work toilets were locked apart from at lunchtime?!

Stupid, draconian, inflexible policies do not help our children in the slightest.