To expect my 11 year old to be able to use the toilet during the school day?

[bendy75]

Is this the norm? My 11 year old started in at secondary school last month and has had two warnings (or stage 2 - Low level disruptions) for asking to use the toilet.

I told him to try and go at break times but he tells me they are locked, confirmed today by staff when I asked, children who have a medical need can apply for a toilet pass but he does not, so has to try and go from 8.00 am until returning home around 3.00pm without using the toilet.

AIBU to be shocked by this?

But if your kid was like this what would you do?

Because most parents that have children like this do nothing but complain to the school about how unfair everything is.

I've never known toilets be locked at break at lunch (or even during lessons for that matter). However, it really wouldn't surprise if this was happening given the behaviour problems in schools right now.

I know that my dc secondary school locks the toilets, the dc are expected to use them in break/lunch time but in reality they don't have the time as so many kids need to use them and they DO keep a portion of them locked.

I know this for a fact as I had to approach the school due to a medical issue with my dd and had this confirmed by the school.
They can go in lessons (although some teachers still refuse) they get given a toilet pass, but, can spend ages either to, find someone to unlock the toilet, or, travel to the other side of the school to find one that is unlocked.
My dc just doesn't drink at school now. I have had many conversations with teachers and HOY and they just explained that they could ask in class, (see above point) or wait.
It is all to do with behaviour so, they have no mirrors and no main door.
Don't be too quick to assume your son is completely incorrect.

@DysmalRadius she says she fine and she old enough to know - and I see no issues with dehydration/concertation or UTIs - and at home with no restrictions she follows same pattern.

It's not what I would have chosen for her and does explain why DS now left seemed to rush home and go so often and I suspect it's an issue for others. She didn't feel safe in toilets before shutters so was avoiding anyway so the impact with shutters and restrictions on her is minimal - and she'd put other problems ahead of this.

Hopefully OP gets a clear explanation of access at her DC school so she can then work out how to proceed.

Toilets being locked was brought in in my last couple of years at secondary.

In theory, locked during lessons (so you had to ask then go to the office for a key and a teacher would guess as to whether you needed it or not)..

Open at break times/lunch time.

However, 3 toilet blocks over 2 floors - one person was supposed to trot around opening them.

YOu never actually knew when he would and which toilets - at break time you could in theory spend the whole break waiting at a block that wouldn't get opened and no way of knowing this (pre mobile phone days!)

At lunchtime, we had long queues for lunch, so you might be waiting for a toilet then it was time to queue for your lunch sitting, do you wait for the loo or risk no lunch through either missing your sitting (we had a card that told the lunch ladies what sitting we were on, miss it, miss out!), or being last in and there being no actual food left.

And again you could wait pointlessly at the wrong loo that was never unlocked. Some breaks/lunchtimes, the loos just wouldn't be unlocked at all because the caretaker with the key forgot/was busy elsewhere/had delegated to someone else who forgot.

It was also risky to eat your lunch then bank on the loos being open as even if they had been opened, depending which way around the building the caretaker went and which you chose, it might well be locked again by the time you get there, as he went round locking up before the end of lunchbreak.

So parents might well be told the toilets were available all lunch and dinner, in reality they rarely were in a way that meant all kids actually had a fair chance to access them!

yabu. Imagine having 30 kids all toddling in and out to use the loo for the entire hour. Naff all would get done. Half would be vaping.

Jesus Christ and people have a go at parents who send their kids to private school? Based on this thread alone I'm so happy that I do, DD has access to toilets, none are locked and there is zero tolerance of any of the behaviour described here.
Would love one of the posters who regularly claims that state education is "good enough" to justify their position on this debate.
It just isn't acceptable that toilets have to be locked because of anti social behaviour.

I'd be backing the school all the way. I've had three in secondary school (2 still there) and only had one phone call from school in that time to tell me my daughter had brought something in to school that she shouldn't have. Fully backed them in whatever punishment they wanted to hand out and made sure she knew how unhappy I was about it and that it wouldn't be tolerated.

The only behaviour points any of them have got is the occasional one for missing homework.

Same problem with my daughter, had so many arguments with the school. In the same class as my daughter her friend started her period in class, year 8, teacher wouldn't let her go to the loo, she obviously didn't want to say, but had blood running down her leg and ended up in an emotional state by the end of class, another boy in same class not allowed to use the loo wet himself, cant remember if this was on the same day or not but the same class of students. They wouldn't accept me writing an email even though i am a professional in my own right saying i needed a doctors note which they dont do. Ended up writing a massive letter of complaint and got her a pass. the school just kept going on about kids taking the piss and that's why they had rules regarding toilet passes. which i get but my daughter and some of her friends that dont take the piss were genuinely treated terribly. Pulled my daughter out that school for many reasons including that. Central London school with a dont give a fuck attitude.

There's no way on earth I would send my child to school if there was no toilet for him to use the entire day. He would be home schooled.

Our local schools have open plan toilets, they can't be locked and when you walk down the corridor the sinks etc out in the open.

They can go in lessons (although some teachers still refuse) they get given a toilet pass, but, can spend ages either to, find someone to unlock the toilet, or, travel to the other side of the school to find one that is unlocked

Ive been lactose free for the last week and a half but when i did have a reaction to it there was no way i could have held it in for that long while wandering around having to rely on someone else to pull their finger out and hoping to find an unlocked loo.

Children with medical needs have a special pass and will be informed which are available during lesson time.

I worked in a school where those with a medical pass were also given the key to the toilet, they now get given a pass that is also a swipe card for the lock.

Yes, if it was a GENUINE emergency.

After 10+ years teaching I know the difference between a child who could have gone at break and didn't and is trying their luck in the lesson, vs a child who has a genuine emergency. You can tell via the tone of voice and the way they ask.

Toilets at my school are locked during lesson time, apart from one set which can be easily monitored. Children are 'within reason ' allowed to go during lessons. Those with a medical pass get to go whenever they need.

All are open before school, at break and at lunch.

The reason they are locked is sadly the minority of kids have ruined it for the good kids.
In my time at my school I have heard first hand from the caretakers and cleaners of faeces smeared on walls and floors. Whole toilet bowls wrenched off walls, fires being started, floods and bullying.

Most kids are great, sadly a few are not.

Going to the toilet is a right not a privilege.

So not unavailable all day then? And I’m not sure I believe it anyway…

Thanks for all you do @towriteyoumustlive

Tbh the attitudes of people on here are awful, why would you assume schools are out to make pupils miserable for no good reason?

Is it even legal for toilets to be shut in a school or work place?

It's a basic human right to be able to go to the toilet.

I wonder if any parent is brave enough to take legal action?

I'm being serious when I say I would pull my children out of a school if it did this.
Toilet access is a basic human right and it's absolutely appalling that a school would deny children that right.

At the secondary school nearest to me, they are locked. I know this from seeing endless Facebook posts from the parents complaining. The reason they're being locked is due to the behaviour of some of the kids using them and vandalising them. That's no real fair decision. The school is besieged by the abhorrent behaviour of the kids, but that doesn't go for every student. The majority of DD's primary school year 6 class started there in September. After school these kids parade around the estate in balaclavas and black masks causing as much damage as they feel like because it's oh so funny to them. The police won't come out. Maybe the school is taking a hard line on the extreme behaviour of a ridiculous amount of students and unfortunately the few are being tarred with the same brush as the many.
DD got into a Grammar miles away, but that school is so close to our house that these kids are a problem to everyone all through the estate (we live on the edge).

No its not legal.
Workplaces and schools need to have toilets to a ratio (x many toilets / urinals to x many people) and running hot water.

There are some things that fall out side that requirement, like the postman can't exactly carry a portaloo and portaloos are legal as a short term solution, where its not possible to connect up to mains water and sewage.

I'll stand by my initial comment, if boys especially don't have access to adequate toilets they're will be boys pissing in bushes / round the backs of buildings etc.

Maybe some parents need to parent.

Many parents really have no idea what schools are like nowadays, no matter how often teachers on here tell them.

Vaping is a huge issue.

In one local school pupils did £20k damage to toilets. School can’t afford to repair them, and they will only get damaged again, so they are one toilet block down. But parents will complain if their little darling gets a detention.

Well he can hardly have a permanent UTI now can he?!

I haven't gone to school in this country but if this is true - that toilets are closed, for whatever reason - then I have something to laugh about, really.
Mostly, you guys are different but reasonable.
This is not reasonable.

Someone wrote "maybe he is going during inappropriate times".
What time is appropriate for having to go and where do I adjust my organs to sync with that time, please?