To expect my 11 year old to be able to use the toilet during the school day?

[bendy75]

Is this the norm? My 11 year old started in at secondary school last month and has had two warnings (or stage 2 - Low level disruptions) for asking to use the toilet.

I told him to try and go at break times but he tells me they are locked, confirmed today by staff when I asked, children who have a medical need can apply for a toilet pass but he does not, so has to try and go from 8.00 am until returning home around 3.00pm without using the toilet.

AIBU to be shocked by this?

I'm sure he is not lying ! And it's a human right to go to the toilet it's hardly disruptive. This happened when I was at school. I'd be desperate for the loo and when I got there the bloody things were locked! I bet the staff ones are never locked! It's barbaric like others have said!

Actually, it can be true. My daughter is 16 and her school in Scotland locks the toilets so a key can be signed out. They have a serious issue with vaping/smoking.

Completely the wrong way to go about this… but yes, the op’s story is probably true too.

This is my experience that toilets are locked my daughter ended up with a uti and stopped realky drinking because of it. Lots of kids struggling with it. It's because of older ones vaping and generally being disruptive.

There are children and teenagers:
who want to go to the toilet to break stuff or meet up with friends, easily arranged through phones;
who just want a bit of a break and to stretch their legs;
who need a vape;
who are upset;
who worry about bullying if they go at a busier time;
who have medical bowel, bladder or period issues.
BUT
there are also a fair number who don't understand that it's a good idea to go to the toilet when you have the opportunity (breaks) even without a pressing need, just like adults do. This could be learned.
AND
a large number who do not prioritise going to the toilet over getting a snack, going to whatever fast food or local shop is near the school, or playing football. I have very little sympathy for those ones.

Then segregate by year group. I doubt that the year 7 pupil would have thanked you if she couldn't go herself because they were locked.

@twelvexii you could have at least read the thread and OP’s updates before confidently spouting rubbish.

How?

We don't have 14 sets of toilets. Neither do we have the staff to manage 14 sets of toilets so that we can keep year groups apart.

Some toilets are locked as some kids smoke in the toilets... shame

Years seven and eight in one set, nine, ten and eleven in another, and the sixth form. Bet you wouldn't need to supervise the 7/8 or sixth form girls.

And who is policing that?

On the point of feral children, today a large (15 year old) child came out of the toilet in front of me swearing his head off. I asked him to mind his language (there were children present after all ) and he told me to ‘fuck off’. Yesterday, I watched a large 12 year old violently shove another child to the ground with little or no provocation. I spoke to the parent - she blames the school that he doesn’t have adequate supervision (tell that to the mother of the other boy). Both children taken into internal isolation, which they won’t enjoy, but they can’t stand being in lessons either and I’m not sure what else can be done. External exclusion leaves them walking the streets. Expelling them (managed move) simply moves the problem elsewhere (ie to another school). And yes, things are definitely worse since the pandemic when the whole locking toilet thing began.

You might be disappointed with some of the girls in those year groups @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia

Did you see the news report today about the 12yo girl addicted to vaping

We did not have supervised loos at all when I was at school, mixed primary or all-girl secondary. Loos at primary were segregated by sex and also by infant, lower junior, and upper junior. Yet, despite zero supervision, the boys did not wander into the girls loos bar one boy who was driven out in no time and reported, nor did the older children ever use the lower years' loos. This was in a deprived urban area with nearby red light district. The loos were the one place where I was not bullied at primary school because the boys weren't in there.

I find myself wondering whether the authoritarian teaching styles and school management styles drive the poor behaviour? I'm autistic and get very stressed when faced with meaningless rules and tend to act out when stressed. It's not unthinkable that neurotypical children would act the same way, given enough pointless rules for rules' sake.

I learnt in year seven History that things make the news because they are rare, whilst common things do not. One child making the news is evidence that childhood nicotine dependancy is rare.

My daughters school also started to lock the toilets during class time, the queues were so big at breaks that some kids had to choose between eating or using the loo!…. It’s disgraceful…. girls being told they can’t use the toilet!!…. What happens if a child feels sick, has a sudden urge to have the squits or a girl starts her periods?! It’s a basic human right to use the toilet!
My daughters school did this for one term, and then a parent who was a solicitor literally threatened legal action and the toilets re-opened!
All you can do is maybe put in an official complaint about this, and get as many others to do the same as possible… school don’t like official complaints as they go against them with OFSTED!

But vaping in schools is not rare and girls vape too not just boys. Girls misbehave in toilets too

It's not about people using the wrong loo. It's about vaping, smoking, bullying, self harming, skiving....

The idea that Y7s or 8s wouldn't need supervising in the toilets when I hear reports from primary school teachers that their toilets get trashed too...

@Dramatic You won't know unless you're there day to day to be honest.

It’s not rare at all! Just not news worthy!
my daughter (year 8) says so many of the kids vape it’s depressing…. I see them walk out of school vaping and my friends daughter is addicted to it at 13… it’s not as rare as you’d like you’d think

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia is your last post implying that schools in the past were less authoritarian than schools today?!
I can imagine the response of my childhood school if I had demanded to go to the toilet straight after lunch time because it was "my human right".

@MrsHamlet don't forget the many instances of kids having sex or giving oral sex to someone and it being recorded in the toilets.

Did your school keep the toilets locked, even during break times?

No, thought not.

@Foxesandsquirrels or "just" being filmed whilst on the toilet

Rather than squabbling over the details, I think we all agree it’s a disgrace (whatever your opinion is of who is to blame) but what are we collectively going to do about it?
We Brits sit about morning to each other but do nothing. It needs collective action!

Idess please rather than squabbling….