To expect my 11 year old to be able to use the toilet during the school day?

[bendy75]

Is this the norm? My 11 year old started in at secondary school last month and has had two warnings (or stage 2 - Low level disruptions) for asking to use the toilet.

I told him to try and go at break times but he tells me they are locked, confirmed today by staff when I asked, children who have a medical need can apply for a toilet pass but he does not, so has to try and go from 8.00 am until returning home around 3.00pm without using the toilet.

AIBU to be shocked by this?

Neat trick teaching young girls to predict their periods and control their flow to your schedule. Not to mention kids of all genders with disabilities involving unreliable bladder and bowel control. Access to a toilet is a human right and a legal requirement. Children have a right to dignity

I defecate multiple times per day. I'm self-diagnosed with IBS because my symptoms match my formally-diagnosed mother's, never been formally diagnosed myself.

If I had needed a formal diagnosis to get a loo pass, I'd have had to leave school.

You know when schools closed during lockdown @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia who got the blame, teachers, even though it was bugger all to do with them. The backlash from parents was horrific.

Even on these threads teachers are getting the blame for locking the toilets and they need to ensure they are open and sort out all of societies ills at the same time. Can’t imagine the backlash if schools are closed due to vandalised toilets, and again teachers would get the blame

One of my school friends had PCOS. Her periods turned up when they liked.

I'm autistic, life-long condition but not diagnosed until adulthood. I often lost track of the days on top of my periods being irregular, so I'd get surprise periods. Without a diagnosed condition, no toilet pass.

Your suggestion that girls learn to predict periods is frankly batshit.

Why the TA wages?

Have to agree with people commenting on what happens in toilets. In this day and age there is more going on than someone getting a swirly in the toilet or going for a crafty smoke. There is vaping, fighting, smoking joints and an array of other things for schools to contend with which is why they get locked during lessons. Toilets when unlocked are often supervised by staff. My son hates going to the loo because staff are in there monitoring what goes on when they are open at his school. This is standard practice now unfortunately and schools are only safeguarding their students. I agree that some schools take this way too far and get power hungry forgetting that we all need to pee and how often we need to pee varies and not forgetting that every girl has different needs when on their period.

Many TAs are pretty much on minimum wage, some of whom will be teaching classes as not enough teachers or schools can’t afford to pay a teacher

I would check as they maybe locked at lesson times unless have a pass but break and lunch this should be open

HI i believe your son is right secondary schools do lock toilets at break to stop children enganging in irresponsible acts from my experience and some teachers may not allow you to leave their class it does not sound believable but i assure you it is .

Try caring less about who the slow-of-thinking blame and more about keeping the kids healthy.

I learned as an in-service electrical appliance inspector that people will blame the wrong person and that you can't let that affect what you do. In the case of the "PAT tester" (I hate that term for the same reason that I hate "ATM machine" and "PIN number"), the inspector is somehow to blame for the office kettle failing. It was, and still is when I carry out ad hoc inspection, my duty to condemn the unsafe appliance and remove it from use, even when the staff will not only strop but refuse to speak to me for weeks if ever again.

Even on these threads teachers are getting the blame for locking the toilets

If you have the keys and could unlock them, than that's a fair ascription of blame.

He does t have to go that long as he can use them at break or lunchtime

Not sure about this but I think it contravenes the rules of the Geneva Convention. I would double check😏

It seems to be pretty standard in high schools these days that they lock the toilets and only let the children with a toilet pass go.

At my DC’s high school they only get to go at break and lunch without a toilet pass which is absolutely ridiculous…..1,500 children needing a wee are not going to be able to all go in either 15 or 40 minutes, the queues are too long and then teachers are moving them on from the corridor because they are blocking the way for others to get through, when exactly do they expect these children to go for a wee.

There was a petition put on change.org about my DC’s high school because of the absolute refusal to allow children to go when they need to go but obviously it got ignored and shouted down by the school, I fully understand where you are coming from OP this situation is the most ridiculous thing ever……and when one of my children ends up poorly because they can’t get access to a toilet for 6 hours all hell will break loose.

Sadly, going to the toilet in school is frowned on.
I had this issue with my son, when he started in year 7. He got told, he had to go to doctors to check if he was OK.
He was fine, the Doctor couldn't believe the school said he was using the toilet too much. They get 5 minutes to get from one class room to another. Plus use the toilet, or you get a warning, 3 warnings then detention. He did go at dinner time.
Then Covid hit and they reduced how many toilets the kids could use, eventually, the could only go at dinner time, the downside, 1000 plus kids, wanting the toilet in 30 minutes, to eat drink and pee.
My son stopped drinking, he would go from 7:30 till 4 without a drink. Occasionally when he did PE did he drink. I gave him a drink, which he would drink on the walk home.
I said it's daft even a prisoner gets to use the toilet more than school kids. Even during exam time.

Report the school to the board of governors! Treating children like animals. I've came across this with my daughter. In the end I got a note from her GP for the school and reported the school.

I am now formally diagnosed but that took years. I have been suffering since my teens and I'm the same, I'd have had to just stay home.

I might be missing the point of the thread but are toilets staffed in schools now?! And is this the norm in all schools?? I have never heard of that…

So teachers must be informed about the timing of girls' periods? Listen to yourself. Another "nothing can be done" poster.

Teachers defend this as "nothing can be done".

They might not be tyrannical but how many children are ashamed to ask to go?

We don't lock our toilets.
I suspect the y7 who walked into the loo this morning and was faced by a group of vaping teens who menaced her to tears wishes we did.
Mind you, we've got a few days of peace from them, thanks to her.

Surely a child should be toilet trained by 11 years old?

@NotQuiteHere have you read the posts where people have said children refuse to use the toilets even if unlocked all day

I’ve never worked in a school where toilets are shut at break and lunch. During lesson toilets are locked in a lot of schools due to vandalism, sexual misconduct, self harm and truancy. They are a safeguarding issue unfortunately.
I really hope this is a misunderstanding because 1700 kids can’t not use the toilet all day. That’s atrocious and should definitely be taken to the governors / school board if true.

NotQuiteHere you’re obviously NotAllThere are you kidda? I work in a school and have done for over 15 years. This is a relatively new practice in place by a number of schools across the country, put in place to basically safeguard children. I myself know of at least 12 care plans for girls in our year 7.
Unfortunately I was a young girl who bled profusely when on a period and I happened to flood a lot during my time at school so yes, my mum informed my head of year who informed my class teachers so I could safely leave the classroom without question when I needed to. I wasn’t the only girl either and staff knew, were discreet and very sympathetic.
Do yourself a favour NotAllThere and listen to yourself before making a brainless comment.