Page 34 | To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

FullMoomin · 2023-10-08T04:10:41+00:00

Having a panic attack. I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!! I should have saved this money for DC! If I had saved it, I could give it to them. Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18! Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will. Oh help, really panicking. I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them. The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc. Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it. Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

flabbergasted89 · 09/10/2023 19:16

If you're able to save it, you shouldn't receive it

codemytea · 09/10/2023 19:18

Hello there - sounds awful OP. My parents sent me off with around 1K, similar position to you, always spent on stuff I needed throughout the years. To be honest, I never expected anything from them - so I was really surprised and grateful but would have been fine either way! I'm doing fine for myself now, have own flat, am married etc and certainly don't feel like I missed out on anything by not having more given my way by my parents!

ArsMamatoria · 09/10/2023 19:18

LordEmsworth · 08/10/2023 05:14

Umm, as a taxpayer I am very glad you have used CB in the way it is intended. Good for you for using it to benefit your children when they needed it.

Your friends should give it back to the state of they didn't need it. It's not meant to provide a lump sum at 18.

This.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 09/10/2023 19:23

I’ve seen a few posts on MN about people giving their 18 year old a large lump sum. Hopefully it’s used well in most cases but I can see so many 18 year olds blowing it. I wasn’t responsible at that age.

pinkfondu · 09/10/2023 19:24

What on earth does being a two income household have to do with this?

AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 09/10/2023 19:27

ThomasinaLivesHere · 09/10/2023 19:23

I’ve seen a few posts on MN about people giving their 18 year old a large lump sum. Hopefully it’s used well in most cases but I can see so many 18 year olds blowing it. I wasn’t responsible at that age.

This is why my DD 3.5 savings are in my name! She'll know about it, but won't be able to get to it easily.

Runnerinthenight · 09/10/2023 19:27

Well I don't know if anyone in my friend group saved their CHB, have never discussed it. Some of them may well have done, as some as higher earners.

We used every £ of our CHB. We shelled out a fortune in childcare, and activities, swimming, ballet, piano, guitar, cello, clarinet, you name it, because we figured they would benefit more from those in the long-term.

Our mortgage was due to end when oldest started uni, so we factored that in. They have also been expected to work and partially support themselves. Most of my friends' kids have had cars bought for them when they turned 17. I believe they appreciate things like that more when they buy them for themselves. We paid for lessons.

I'd do the same again.

Whatsgoingon12345 · 09/10/2023 19:30

My mum spent it on our upbringing. At 18 I had nothing - I was lucky enough to get into college, and all my money was my own- yes, I had a few rough years, but it was more living in crap flats, not starving. You are doing your children a favour. To get such a massive amount at 18 could very likely give them the impression that money comes easily. It may certainly mean they don’t try so hard to get a job etc.
on a scarier note, some friends have saved their tony Blair money and now their child has a lump sum to control and spend on..a double mesectomy and testosterone. Thank your lucky stars!

coffeeaddict77 · 09/10/2023 19:35

TryingButItsHard · 09/10/2023 19:14

Created an account to say this.

You have rich friends. If they can afford to save the CB (and one can even afford to match it) they are "rich". Thing is, everyone gets these benefits, just about everyone is eligible.

So your friends saving it each month means they don't need it, because they are rich.

We spend ours every month because without it we'd be in the red constantly. Try not to worry about it. But get your friends to pay for coffee when you are out.

It's not true that "just about everyone gets it". Each parent has to be earning less than 50,000 to get the full amount.

BlueSky2023 · 09/10/2023 19:38

I absolutely wouldn’t feel guilty, sounds like you needed it and used it for it’s intended purpose.

Pinkglobelamp · 09/10/2023 19:39

coffeeaddict77 · 09/10/2023 19:35

It's not true that "just about everyone gets it". Each parent has to be earning less than 50,000 to get the full amount.

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That's still most people, though.

coffeeaddict77 · 09/10/2023 19:39

Judecb · 09/10/2023 18:39

Child benefit is intended to help with all the costs of raising children, nappies, uniform etc. It's not there for wealthy people who don't need the extra income, to put it aside. Means testing needs to be ramped up.

So you think anyone who receives child benefit is not allowed to save? Apart from anything else what happens when their children go to university and they are expected to contribute to that? Don't be ridiculous.

Crucible · 09/10/2023 19:41

Your friends don't need child benefit but they get it anyway. You're using it for exactly what it was meant for and is meant for still today. To benefit your children so they have what they need and a more comfortable decent life when they're kids. You're making a good case for means tested child benefit here.

TrashedSofa · 09/10/2023 19:47

coffeeaddict77 · 09/10/2023 19:39

So you think anyone who receives child benefit is not allowed to save? Apart from anything else what happens when their children go to university and they are expected to contribute to that? Don't be ridiculous.

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Yes, it is pretty batshit.

It's a realistic possibility that a DC will want to go to uni. Lots of households that receive CB will also only qualify for the minimum loans and support, as that's the nature of the system.

Some parents know or suspect they're not going to be able to provide the necessary top up support from their day to day income alone, but will find it manageable to fund it by saving over a longer period. And this, apparently, is a problem?

babyproblems · 09/10/2023 19:49

Do you know what - it’s really nothing to feel guilty about but reading all your posts I’d use this as a wake up call to start working towards the things I want in life. You sound like you had high hopes and then coasted along- If your pay is static, look to move. Don’t accept average if you know in your heart you want more from life!! The CB money isn’t important. But you saying you feel a failure is - that’s what this is really about so I’d be looking at ways you can improve the things you want to in life. Don’t worry about the CB! It’s not important and I reckon some of your friends at least are lying… I’d be looking to make new friends aswell xox

Luana1 · 09/10/2023 19:49

We mostly use ours to pay for activities/clubs, so hopefully there will be a benefit long term for being able to do these things - karate/art club/ tennis etc. it wouldn’t even have crossed my mind to save it.

Newmumatlast · 09/10/2023 19:53

If people are able to save it then they dont need it for what it was actually intended for and really probably shouldn't get it. The gov has tried to deal with this by applying the cap but it doesn't work all that well especially when its not based on whole household income.

aloris · 09/10/2023 20:01

20K over 12 years is only about 1700 per year. Do you feel that it would have been better to starve, have him sit in dirty nappies too long, not have shoes that fit? I think your judgement is being clouded here. You didn't spend this money on trips to Las Vegas. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

coffeeaddict77 · 09/10/2023 20:02

Pinkglobelamp · 09/10/2023 19:39

That's still most people, though.

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I think a significant proportion of men over 30 years earn more than that.

MarsandVenus · 09/10/2023 20:04

OP if this is all you have to worry about then you really need to get out more! The amount equates to about £150 per month - or about £37.50 a week. This does not go very far on bringing up a child and as others have said, you’ve used it in the way it was intended. Ignore what your friends have done - you do you etc.

wishmyhousetidy · 09/10/2023 20:05

Flatandhappy · 08/10/2023 05:18

CB was always meant to help with the cost of raising kids so to be spent exactly as you have, nappies, school shoes etc. There is an argument that if you can afford to save it you didn’t really need it in the first place. Yes, a lovely bonus for your kids but in many ways it just increases the divide between the haves and have nots so please do not feel guilty!

:totally this

coffeeaddict77 · 09/10/2023 20:06

Newmumatlast · 09/10/2023 19:53

If people are able to save it then they dont need it for what it was actually intended for and really probably shouldn't get it. The gov has tried to deal with this by applying the cap but it doesn't work all that well especially when its not based on whole household income.

So nobody is allowed to save? That's ridiculous.

Zone2NorthLondon · 09/10/2023 20:06

Child benefit isn’t a long term saving plan for adulthood,it’s monies intended for current expenditures
Don't berate yourself about this. You spend it on the children as most folk do
Genuinely never heard anyone saving child benefits and fastidiously putting it away untouched

Luckyduc · 09/10/2023 20:08

Don't panic....I know know few folk that did this and it wasn't always a happy ending when their kids werjt mature enough and spent chunks of it on total rubbish. The parents were gutted

You've used the miney for how it's supposed to be used. I'm sure you're kids will be grateful for anything you give. Just do your best.

devondad1 · 09/10/2023 20:09

Whatsgoingon12345 · 09/10/2023 19:30

My mum spent it on our upbringing. At 18 I had nothing - I was lucky enough to get into college, and all my money was my own- yes, I had a few rough years, but it was more living in crap flats, not starving. You are doing your children a favour. To get such a massive amount at 18 could very likely give them the impression that money comes easily. It may certainly mean they don’t try so hard to get a job etc.
on a scarier note, some friends have saved their tony Blair money and now their child has a lump sum to control and spend on..a double mesectomy and testosterone. Thank your lucky stars!

I agree. Spend the money on bringing the kids up. Don't blame yourself for not giving them a lump sum that you can't afford.

When I was growing up I had everything I needed, but since the day I turned 18 I was on my own. Not in a bad way. Unlimited love and attention, but no actual money.

Except for that f*cking washing machine. When I moved into my first flat my parents bought me a washing machine. That was 24 years ago, and I still get reminded of it! Don't do that to them!!! 😂