Page 33 | To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

RachandO · 09/10/2023 18:27

You're "highly stressed"
You need to get a grip on reality.

MustWeDoThis · 09/10/2023 18:28

It's not meant to be saved. You gave it to them by providing for them. There are certain rules surrounding saving benefits and not spending them. I hope they've declared those savings, regardless if they are for their children. Especially if they are getting UC.

You have done right by your children. Benefits aren't there to supplement their lives as adults. It's why it's called "CHILD benefit", not 18 year old money pot/student fees/flat screen TV.

Tessabelle74 · 09/10/2023 18:34

If I didn't spend mine week to week we'd not have had food some weeks. It's great if you're fortunate enough to be able to save it, but no need to feel guilty if you couldn't

AffableApple · 09/10/2023 18:39

This is a very strange thread. Of course you've spent your child benefit. It's not adult benefit for your offspring to spend, it's for you to spend on them. On all the things you listed, and more.

Judecb · 09/10/2023 18:39

Child benefit is intended to help with all the costs of raising children, nappies, uniform etc. It's not there for wealthy people who don't need the extra income, to put it aside. Means testing needs to be ramped up.

Whatthechicken · 09/10/2023 18:40

This has probably already been said, but having been 18 myself once - there is no way I’d give an 18 year old £20k.

RNJ3007 · 09/10/2023 18:43

You really haven’t let them down; it’s meant to be used to raise the child. Mine’s been spent on nappies and new school shoes and uniform and swimming lessons, because otherwise we’d really not be able to… it’s gone towards school trips and the myriad of stuff they need to start secondary… it’s not meant to be a nest egg, it’s meant to benefit the child as a child

Weedoormatnomore · 09/10/2023 18:46

I know how we you feel. I felt like shit when I heard A lady at my work who screams poverty all the time as loan parent and complains about UC going down after getting a payrise to £25k declared she had £15k saved from child benefit for her son. Oh also gets free school meals etc as ex does not work.
At one point years ago I worked ft and a pt job to keep roof over my sons head.

SaponificationQueen · 09/10/2023 18:47

Not everyone has the same finances. That is meant to be spent to make the lives of your DC better. There is a saying that really fits here: “Don’t compare your insides with other people’s outsides.” They may be giving their DC less of what they need now. Giving them the best childhood now may make them look back and be more grateful for their childhood experiences than having a lump sum later.

twinmum2007 · 09/10/2023 18:52

That's what it's for - spending on the children so you can afford nappies, food etc. It's not meant to be a savings plan. It's not the children's money, it was yours, given you by the government to help make ends meet. It was originally given to mother's so they had some ££ to enable them to pay for their children without having to rely totally on a husband gorgeous it. There was a time when I couldn't have got to the end of each month without it. If people managed to save it all then possibly they didn't need it in the first place.

MumTeacherofMany · 09/10/2023 18:52

I don't know anyone who has saved it OP. The child benefit I receive goes on one food shop & normally one "fun day" or treat with my child. If I had "saved it" they would have gone without.

greenbeansnspinach · 09/10/2023 18:54

I’ve never heard of anyone saving their CB and in fact, the idea that people are doing this makes me feel slightly annoyed. Of course it’s theirs to do what they want, but that wasn’t the intention when this universal benefit was rolled out as part of the new Welfare State.

PlasticineKing · 09/10/2023 18:56

With respect OP, you’re spiralling here and it’s doing no one any good, mostly you.

The differences in lifestyle that you've laid out in your posts show me that you’ve used that money as it suited your life. If in one breath you could never have done without it, then how the gel were you ever meant to save it. Yes of course it would be wonderful wouldn't it. But it wasn’t an option for you. So stop torturing yourself!

For reference, I absolutely understand the disparity you speak about. We’re in a high income bracket and DD at nice independent school, we own our house and do really bloody well. But compared to other families we have squat all. The houses some of them live in are UNREAL. I can only do what I’m doing and the same for you.

Surely when your kids turn 18 they will understand? Because it sounds pretty obvious to me that (for want of a better phrase) financially at least you’re not in the same league as most of your peers?

I say this with love, but chill out. They will make of their lives what they will. I had a friend who got a massive inheritance under sad circumstances. She’s pissed it all away and she does regret it to a point. But she’s stopped torturing herself because it won’t get her anywhere will it.

1974devon · 09/10/2023 18:59

It's a benefit and meant to help pay for things to raise the child. If people are able to save it.surely they don't need it.

Hatty65 · 09/10/2023 19:00

I did not save a penny of my DCs child benefit for them. I spent it feeding and clothing them - as did every single person I know.

I don't know of any child who was suddenly handed £20,000 as an adult and told it was their 'benefit' money. You must know richer people than I do.

FSTraining · 09/10/2023 19:01

FullMoomin · 08/10/2023 05:10

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

If you could have afforded to save it all, then you should never have received it in the first place. You've done the right thing spending it on what your children needed as they grew up.

hot2trotter · 09/10/2023 19:01

This surely can't be real?? Give your head a wobble. Yes, it would have been nice to save it for them, and it would have been a privilege for them to receive at 18. A privilege that not all 18 year olds get (mine won't). But how would you have fed and clothed them? I'm assuming you NEEDED the CB to provide for them, hence why it's been spent and not saved. No shame in that whatsoever and you need to get a grip worrying over something so stupid.

Namechangad12 · 09/10/2023 19:02

wrong post

prawntail · 09/10/2023 19:03

This post has ruined my evening! CB is not for saving. It’s to help with cost of raising a child. I would be so disappointed with any of my friends who had saved it as that’s totally and utterly not the point of it and if they could afford to save it they did not need it. I despair.

ToffeeMamma · 09/10/2023 19:05

If you ar win a position to save now then starting would be good it would still give him close to £5000 by the time he needs it.
But don't panic not everyone is saving for their kids as much as it would be ideal. Child benefit is there to support the children not provide a nest egg. My son is a young carer who is financially not recognised by any government benefit. I save a little each month anyway for him so his child benefit I put straight into a pocket money account for him and consider it his earnings for the help he gives us.

Clucket87 · 09/10/2023 19:07

I’m not really sure what you want people to say OP.
It seems to me that most people are using it for what it was intended for. Spending on your children as they need it. But then you seem upset that people are questioning the ability to save it, like your friends have.
Also, the 20k your talking about isn’t truly that much, unless you had both children at the same time.
But in any event it doesn’t matter. Most of us were not given a lump sum when we got to 18 and I know if I had been given that, it would have been a waste.
As a parent now myself, I’m glad my mum spent it on school uniforms, clothes, school trips etc than as a lump sum.
Regardless of your children being SEN, they will know that you loved them and did what was best at the time.
Money is not the be all and end all. I would much rather have the memories I’ve got of being with my mum and going to get things like school uniform, than money that I would have just spent on some tat that gave me no long lasting memories.

greenbeansnspinach · 09/10/2023 19:08

MustWeDoThis · 09/10/2023 18:28

It's not meant to be saved. You gave it to them by providing for them. There are certain rules surrounding saving benefits and not spending them. I hope they've declared those savings, regardless if they are for their children. Especially if they are getting UC.

You have done right by your children. Benefits aren't there to supplement their lives as adults. It's why it's called "CHILD benefit", not 18 year old money pot/student fees/flat screen TV.

I do agree with some of your points, but child benefit isn’t a means tested benefit. It was always intended to be and has remained a universal benefit. The reasoning being that some people would never apply for money that was means tested, and also that the administrative costs associated with means testing could outweigh the savings - and that mistakes could be made depriving people rightly entitled. There is however now a charge (“high income child benefit charge”) on those with incomes over a certain level.
People are free to do anything they want with their child benefit, including saving it. Although as a PP has pointed out, it’s called child benefit for a reason.

Pinkglobelamp · 09/10/2023 19:10

I'd be a bit disgusted at your wealthy friends either childishly showing off their wealth or — worse, in my opinion — revealing their ignorance at how the majority live. Because the majority of parents use child benefit for what it's intended for: spending it on necessities for their household and children or, if they're ok financially, towards extras that enhance their children's lives such as outings, activities, etc..

I do however believe in the principle of universal benefits (ideally in a citizens' income) and wouldn't argue for more means testing of child benefit. Just that it's insensitive at best, offensive at worst, for your friends to speak like that.

TrashedSofa · 09/10/2023 19:13

MustWeDoThis · 09/10/2023 18:28

It's not meant to be saved. You gave it to them by providing for them. There are certain rules surrounding saving benefits and not spending them. I hope they've declared those savings, regardless if they are for their children. Especially if they are getting UC.

You have done right by your children. Benefits aren't there to supplement their lives as adults. It's why it's called "CHILD benefit", not 18 year old money pot/student fees/flat screen TV.

Declared them to who? If they're getting UC, sure, but the use of 'especially' makes it sound like you think it would need to be done even if they weren't? There are capital limits in relation to some benefits, but child benefit isn't one of them.

TryingButItsHard · 09/10/2023 19:14

Created an account to say this.

You have rich friends. If they can afford to save the CB (and one can even afford to match it) they are "rich". Thing is, everyone gets these benefits, just about everyone is eligible.

So your friends saving it each month means they don't need it, because they are rich.

We spend ours every month because without it we'd be in the red constantly. Try not to worry about it. But get your friends to pay for coffee when you are out.