To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

[FullMoomin]

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

Correct. I'm not a single parent.
Can't see the relevance though.

After reading OP’s further posts I just wanted to say ‘comparison is the thief of joy’.
Be happy with what you have rather than what you don’t.
There will always be someone who is better off than you, just like there will always be someone worse off than you.
Money doesn’t always equal happiness. The things that truely make us happy are love & having a healthy family.

The really devastating thing about CB is if you are a couple your joint income can by £99K and still receive it but if you are a single parent and earn over £50K you don't. I think if I earned £99K I would have been able to save some as a single mum - no way! I had to pay the tax office back when my income went over the £50K bracket. Never had housing benefit or anything. Annoying!

*be

OP, break it down: some people have so much more mobey than you that they have been able to save more than you.
Maybe some have prioritised saving over other things (car/home improvements/ holidays /hobbies / pension contributions / repaying mortgage quicker). It is as it is. If your DC is cross when they dobt get £20k when theyre 18, then they probably need to look outside their charmed lives.

Nothing to do with the OP's AIBU but for all the posters mentioning the income limit for Child Benefit, don't forget that if you earn more than £50k per year, you can still claim Child Benefit but you pay extra tax instead. A lot of couples do this if one partner is not in paid work because the non working partner gets National Insurance credits this way.

@Ilovepugs2017 is right about comparison being the thief of joy. Reading the OP's responses reminds me of a friend who teaches in a private school where almost all the parents are extremely wealthy. She is always comparing her position to them instead of recognising that she has a comparatively well paid job. It is quite a corrosive situation for her wellbeing.

It's for the household - of course it would be nice to save the whole amount for the child but it doesn't work out that way.

It's nice that some of your friends have put the whole amount away - which does suggest it wasn't required for household expenses with a child anyway - but you have done nothing wrong.

If you could save a little each month for the next few years that would be brilliant.

Yabu to be bothered by what others are doing. Child benefit is there to support their needs throughout the 16 years or however long they remain in education. It's not to pool together as a lump sum. Fair enough if those friends of yours didn't need it and have chosen to save it instead but personally I've always used to to buy them clothes shoes, activities etc. Not always though. Sometimes I've used it to pay a bill.

I had 3 children and not once did i ever get a voucher for uniform. June, July and Augusts Child Benefit was used to buy school uniform.

£98k might be above average but its not holiday home in Switzerland territory. Op mentioned the disparity in holidays and that her mates (apparently) have homes in Switzerland, America or Europe whilst she's been camping...as I said before that's big bucks money. Way over the threshold.

Our household income is higher than £98k and holiday homes are not even on the radar. Maybe you might have the odd friend who has a home abroad because that's been a priority for them, inheritance or family share owned but if the crowd you are running with all seem to have second homes you are running with people you would never keep up with CB or not.

I'm just impressed that you have 14 friends, close enough to ask this question.

<misses point >

Your friends demonstrate why benefits should be means tested. If they don't need the money to support their children then they shouldn't really be getting it.

Totally agree. Your friends should not be getting g CB!

Such a weird attitude, penalising those who save.

Crikey, I couldn't get through the month without CB for my DC. It really is so close to the wire and there is no way I could have saved it. It sounds like your friends have higher incomes and therefore didn't need it to actually raise their children when you obviously do. Think about the difference in yours and theirs financial positions. There's probably a differential.

But agreed with others on here.. this is a tax paying benefit for universal child well being. It's supposed to be spent on bringing up your child. You've done the right thing.

CB is means tested.

YABU - it’s for spending on your DC: milk, shoes, winter coats, food if needs be.

If you spent it on DC then you’re a good Mum. Please don’t worry.

So... they were better off than you.

What would you have done, not fed or put nappies on them in order to save it up?

'Now children, you've had a cold, hungry childhood without nappies, food, heating, presents, treats etc... but HURRAH because here's a big chunk of money so forget that the last 18 years were shite as a result of me squirrelling this away and making us all suffer, go spend spend spend!'

Really?

If they bring it up, 'Sorry, we couldn't afford to save it like they did, they had a higher income the whole time.'

Agree.

Extreme examples but I have a friend who had to wear his sister’s hand me downs for school uniform including a girl’s blazer which was different to the boys’ one. He’s still resentful about the embarrassment and bullying it caused.

Saving can be miserable too, especially when there isn’t much disposable income, which you say you didn’t have OP. My husband’s friend and his wife are (fairly well off) penny pinchers who are so obsessed with saving they lack generosity and take often but never give. When we invite them and their children to join ours for an activity, if it costs anything their children won’t be allowed to go. I’m sure the little bit of extra cash you had from CB enabled you to provide little experiences for your children growing up. Of course they don’t necessarily need money spent on them to have a good childhood but it can help tremendously, especially if it’s to clothe them, get their hair cut etc…

@MrsMarzetti like I said I was a child. There definitely was uniform vouchers back in the days. MAYBE your income was HIGHER than my mother's, she was a single parent too.

This is what this thread shows people saying they didn't get.... and?? Just because you didn't, well others did!

It's ridiculous and after OPs update of having 14 rich friends it's all OTT anyway. What a thread its been 🤣🤣🤣

But you understand that a lot of hard working people that aren't eligible for child benefit wouldn't be in a position to give their kids massive lump sums at 18 either, therefore, without being harsh, it's really irritating that that is what your friends are using it for.

Seriously? I dont know of anyone who got any money from their parents. We all worked, earned our own money like responsible adults.

Hopefully you are raising your children to become self-sufficient, responsible adults who can grow up and do the same.

It's really not a big deal.
I don't have a penny to give mine either because I have already spent on them as and when it's needed.

Theres nothing to panic about.

No.....my friends do not have holiday homes in Switzerland and America. Sorry, just read my post and I see I wasn't clear in what I meant.
4 of them have second holiday homes in Europe. They have not purchased these second homes from their salaries by the way. Another family went on holiday to Switzerland over Christmas. Another family went on holiday to America this summer.

Both DC have SEN.
I don't know at the moment whether they will ever be self sufficient in adulthood.

To all the posters staying point blank that CB needs to be spent on essentials … are you still outraged if a couple earning 30k and 40k spend their child benefit on ‘essentials’ and then at the end of the month manage to save £30 a week for their children’s future?

Are there really so many people who think those in receipt of CB, up to 49kx2 for a couple without paying any back, should be totally unable to save a penny?