Page 29 | To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

FullMoomin · 2023-10-08T04:10:41+00:00

Having a panic attack. I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!! I should have saved this money for DC! If I had saved it, I could give it to them. Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18! Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will. Oh help, really panicking. I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them. The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc. Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it. Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

Notinthegroupchats · 08/10/2023 16:50

@Whalewatchers if they are getting CB they are earning less then me, so probably paying less tax. I also resent paying for all other benefits too. Hth

Uggtrending · 08/10/2023 16:52

@Notinthegroupchats if you are so desperate for £80 extra a month go and take a lower paid job? Pay less tax?

RudsyFarmer · 08/10/2023 16:52

If you can afford to save CB you never needed it in the first place. YANBU.

Invisablepanic · 08/10/2023 16:55

Your latest updates says your friends have holiday homes in Switzerland and the like...how on earth are they getting CB? We are well over the threshold but no where near Swiss holiday home territory.

Plus if they are that well off, they most likely would have been saving for their kids whether it was coming out of benefits or salary. You weren't in a position to do so, what else can you do?

Fwiw I recieved about 4k when I was 18 and blew the lot over about a year...an expensive lesson but I'm good with money now.

Badbadbunny · 08/10/2023 16:56

wutheringkites · 08/10/2023 15:02

Would you say that about the State Pension?

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Personally, yes, I'd say that about ALL state benefits, including state pension. It's crazy we're paying "rich" pensioners the state pension who simply don't need it.

They can means test child benefit for individual income's over £50k, so they can do the same with OAPs individually with incomes over £50k via the exact same rules and means.

Notinthegroupchats · 08/10/2023 16:56

@Uggtrending I would love every high rate tax later in the U.K. to do that and the pot dry up. Funny attitude you’ve got- like I should be grateful for working my arse off to put money in other peoples pockets for their kids swimming lessons, 20k lump sums and little treats. I’m not desperate, but being given a couple of grand a year by the government wouldn’t go amiss, rather than paying it out and getting nothing back. I think the OP is being hysterical, but sounds like she needed the cash to live. Some posters on here… not so much.

ConsuelaHammock · 08/10/2023 17:00

RudsyFarmer · 08/10/2023 16:52

If you can afford to save CB you never needed it in the first place. YANBU.

That’s not how it works.

Family A receives CB. They have 2 children. They both work and drive older cars and don’t go abroad very often. They are financially literate because they didn’t have much money growing up so want their children to have some savings.

Family B don’t receive CB. They finance new cars every three years and go abroad every summer. They don’t have any spare money to save for their children because they spend it all but complain about the family earning less getting CB.

Don’t be pissed with Family A because you’re not as good with money as they are. It’s based on income, nothing else.

ConsuelaHammock · 08/10/2023 17:03

Notinthegroupchats · 08/10/2023 16:56

@Uggtrending I would love every high rate tax later in the U.K. to do that and the pot dry up. Funny attitude you’ve got- like I should be grateful for working my arse off to put money in other peoples pockets for their kids swimming lessons, 20k lump sums and little treats. I’m not desperate, but being given a couple of grand a year by the government wouldn’t go amiss, rather than paying it out and getting nothing back. I think the OP is being hysterical, but sounds like she needed the cash to live. Some posters on here… not so much.

You could work less? Get yourself just under the threshold and bingo !

RudsyFarmer · 08/10/2023 17:10

ConsuelaHammock · 08/10/2023 17:00

That’s not how it works.

Family A receives CB. They have 2 children. They both work and drive older cars and don’t go abroad very often. They are financially literate because they didn’t have much money growing up so want their children to have some savings.

Family B don’t receive CB. They finance new cars every three years and go abroad every summer. They don’t have any spare money to save for their children because they spend it all but complain about the family earning less getting CB.

Don’t be pissed with Family A because you’re not as good with money as they are. It’s based on income, nothing else.

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It was only recently means tested. I never received it because our household income is too high. I would much prefer it goes to families that need it to help afford to care for their children’s needs. Similarly there are lots of wealthy pensioners that receive Winter Energy benefit. They don’t need it. But they bank it.

BIossomtoes · 08/10/2023 17:10

Badbadbunny · 08/10/2023 16:56

Personally, yes, I'd say that about ALL state benefits, including state pension. It's crazy we're paying "rich" pensioners the state pension who simply don't need it.

They can means test child benefit for individual income's over £50k, so they can do the same with OAPs individually with incomes over £50k via the exact same rules and means.

Show quote history

Difference is the state pension’s taxable, CB isn’t. So every pensioner with an income over £50k is handing 40% of that state pension straight back. Added to which it’s dependent on having a minimum of 35 years NI contributions, whereas CB under the threshold is universal. The two aren’t comparable. I paid NI for 45 years to pay two generations’ state pensions, you’d have to rip what’s left of mine after tax from my cold dead hands.

BIossomtoes · 08/10/2023 17:12

there are lots of wealthy pensioners that receive Winter Energy benefit. They don’t need it. But they bank it.

Ours goes straight to the foodbank. I can spend it far more sensibly than the government.

Notinthegroupchats · 08/10/2023 17:12

@ConsuelaHammock These comments are very illustrative. Personally and morally, I think it probably best I do the socially useful job the U.K. tax payer part funded me training for. The attitude of the lazy scrounged isn’t one I support for myself or others.

Madwife123 · 08/10/2023 17:15

I think if you can afford to save the child benefit and not use it to live on you shouldn’t bloody have it! Why is the government subsiding children’s savings accounts!

ConsuelaHammock · 08/10/2023 17:17

Notinthegroupchats · 08/10/2023 17:12

@ConsuelaHammock These comments are very illustrative. Personally and morally, I think it probably best I do the socially useful job the U.K. tax payer part funded me training for. The attitude of the lazy scrounged isn’t one I support for myself or others.

Or you’re just fortunate that your job pays more than £60k a year. I will never earn more than £41k a year in my public sector job. I don’t feel guilty for claiming cb or for having savings. If the government reduces the threshold for claiming or stops it completely I honestly don’t care. However, I’m not going to cancel something I claimed when it was universal just because I don’t need it day to day.

ConsuelaHammock · 08/10/2023 17:19

Madwife123 · 08/10/2023 17:15

I think if you can afford to save the child benefit and not use it to live on you shouldn’t bloody have it! Why is the government subsiding children’s savings accounts!

They’re not. People are just spending their money on the children instead of the CB. Just pretend they’re saving their own money if it makes you feel less aggrieved.

Fionaville · 08/10/2023 17:22

FullMoomin · 08/10/2023 05:29

Sorry for swearing.
I don't usually swear! Highly stressed since calculating this!!!
It all started off by a colleague casually mentioning in conversation that she had a 'huge pot of money' from 18 years of CHB savings to give to her DS, she said it will completely change his start in to adult life.
I nearly fell off my chair when she told me how much she'd accumulated from saving CHB.
I had never even thought to save my CHB. I'd just always been incredibly grateful for it every month. Each month for 12 years that it's gone in to my account I've received it and thought "Thank you, I am so grateful for this".
So I asked around a few friends and said "My colleague told me she's giving a lump sum of 18 years of CHB to her DS...." and all my friends save theirs too. One said "Yeah, it adds up nicely doesn't it, we've got ours in a savings account and the interest is helping too now". Another said "Our DC will get double that because we've always matched the CHB", and everyone else has just agreed that they've saved theirs too.
Every one of my friends looked a mixture of shocked and dismayed when I said I haven't saved ours!
I've been suffering high level anxiety ever since!!! I really feel I've let my DC down.

Hmm I know two people who said the same to me when our sons were all young. I guess they didn't think we'd all still be friends when the kids passed 18, because these kids haven't had a pot of money at all. There's been complaints from these same parents about the cost of driving lessons, cars, keeping them in full time education. One of them literally said something about how on American TV shows they talk about 'college funds' and how they didn't have anything like that saved. People irl are not as honest about their finances as you'd think.

CharityJobConumdrum · 08/10/2023 17:27

@ConsuelaHammock I'll take a guess that not all the money they got you those things was earned - it is not as simple as tightening your belt and being sensible with money the cost of everything is high and largely wages haven't kept pace so people are worse off now in real terms while you were making a mint apparently

321user123 · 08/10/2023 17:28

OP can I be very candid with you?
£152 for 2 children a month doesn’t go very far, does it?
yes we can make it stretch but if each for your children do 1 activity, that’s a big part of that money gone already.

You sound such a caring and lovely mum and I feel sad that you’re feeling so shit.

Let me be very honest, like someone pointed out, it is likely (even if you don’t think that, especially if you’re a half cup full type person) that at least some of your friends lied about the savings.
Even if they didn’t, you have done with CB EXACTLY what they’re designed to do.
If you can afford to save CB then it means it wasn’t designed for you in the first place. As a tax payer, I approve much more YOUR use of the money than your acquaintances.

Much love ❤️

spelling edit

caringcarer · 08/10/2023 17:35

You've got a few years left to try to save up something for your DC. Every parent has to make their own choice. I save some money each month for my Foster Son. I don't get Child Benefit for him but I get a Foster Allowance so use some of that.

ConsuelaHammock · 08/10/2023 17:40

CharityJobConumdrum · 08/10/2023 17:27

@ConsuelaHammock I'll take a guess that not all the money they got you those things was earned - it is not as simple as tightening your belt and being sensible with money the cost of everything is high and largely wages haven't kept pace so people are worse off now in real terms while you were making a mint apparently

Edited

All earned and paid for. Husband started saving at 14. While his friends were driving new cars and travelling the world he continued to save. I wasn’t good with money until I met him. We went without a lot that other people take for granted to get us where we are today. I’m not going to apologise for being financially savvy.
I was saving for a rainy day when the sun was shining. It’s started to rain!

Ilovelifeverymuch · 08/10/2023 17:50

FullMoomin · 08/10/2023 16:15

Just to reply to the posters who've asked why I'm panicking....
It's because my DC are good friends with the DC of these friends.
Or to put it another way, my DC made friends at school and in the area we live in, and I've become friends with their parents.
Also, I remain friends with people I met at university who now have children, similar in age to mine, so my DC are also friends with their DC.
So it's all the about friends who I've asked what they do with their CHB and they've all told me they have saved it since birth, and all seem incredulous that I haven't.
There's no way I could ever have saved my CHB.
People have asked why these parents are giving huge sums of money to 18 year olds.....they're not. Only my colleague said that. And her DC is not going to be spending it carelessly, as has been suggested. He's putting it in to as ISA whilst he works and saves to add to it, with a 5 year plan to then use this as a deposit to buy a flat.
But my own friends have all said they have saved it in their own accounts with the intention to hand over at a later stage in their DC adult lives, when needed. Not when they're 18.
I'm talking 14 friends here. 14 different friends who've all said the same thing.
And they're not lying! They said it an an "Well thats what you do with it, isn't it?" way, looking confused when I said I've always spent mine.
So anyway, getting to the crux of why I'm panicking, it's because my DC, who are friends with all their DC, are going to feel pretty bad, I'm imagining, when all their lifelong mates are handed huge lump sums of money in early adulthood whereas my DC won't be. And based on our financial projections, we're not going to be any more able to give them large amounts of money in the future than we are now. So I'm panicking about feeling like I've failed to financially save to help their futures.
The COL is so high now, property prices extortionate, I look at the future and don't even know how my DC are going to financially manage as young adults.
Maybe my response ties in to lots of other feelings of inadequacy about my ability to provide for my DC. We live in a home that's literally half the size of my DC friends' homes; we drive a 12 year old small car compared to the whopping great big people carriers or SUVs that my DC get to ride in when they get taken out by their friends parents (my friends); I've got a crappie android phone compared to all friends having iphones; DC dont have mobile phones because we can't afford to finance them; we camp in UK every summer compared to all DC friends (my friends) holidaying in their second homes in Europe, America, Switzerland,....I could go on. My DD has a literal boxroom, she's still quite young now but in the future she'll never be able to have teenage friends round to her room, there's no space in there, it has a single bed which touches the little chest of drawers next to it and the drawers touch the wall. It's in no way suitable for an adult room.
People say my DC can live at home as young adults whilst they save up and I'll be able to help them in that way, but my DD does not have a suitable bedroom to be able to stay in as an adult.
We are cramped as it is, beyond belief.
I just feel like such a failure.
I had such high hopes for my future when we had DC. I thought we'd earn more as the years went by but both DH and my salaries have been static for years and in that time the COL has sky rocketed so we've done the maths and worked out that we are actually worse off now than we were 10 years ago. Substantially worse off, not just a bit.
And we're both in professional, well respected occupations.
When we bought this home, we bought it as a starter home, we said it'd be good for starting a family and fine for the early childhood years, with a plan to move on up the chain after about 10 years. This felt reasonable, not unrealistic.
DC are a lot bigger now. We need a bigger bedroom for DD now. We can't even all be in the kitchen at the same time now DC are bigger, there's no room, and they're still only young children!
But there is absolutely no way whatsoever we can afford to take on a bigger mortgage now that interest on mortgages is so high.
I just feel like s**t about it all.
No matter how much people say "Your DC are loved, fed, have a home...." it doesn't make it feel any better.
They notice the comparisons.
It's just a massive financial struggle all of the time, everything's getting more expensive, our wages are staying the same, the DC are getting physically bigger, the house therefore feels like it's getting smaller, our car was fine when they were toddlers but now they get uncomfortable through lack of leg room.....
I don't know, the not having a lump sum of CHB to give them in the future when I've found out all their mates will be getting one and there's no hope of even saving now to make up for it has been the straw that's broken the camel's back I suppose.
I thought we'd be better off 12 years after having DC.
Instead we're poorer and I feel the gap between the haves and have nots is widening.
We're the have nots.
All our friends and DC friends are the haves.
It makes me feel like I've totally failed DC.
And I studied hard all through school, college, university and got a professional career which I've done well in. Same for DH.
But we're struggling so much.
That's why I'm panicking.

Sorry but you're just being ridiculous now. The child benefit was to look after the children which you did simple.

It's great that some people were able to save it for their kids but as you have said you were in no position to do that so I'm not sure why you're going on and on about this.

And if you children feel left out well that's life, you explain to them some people had the opportunity to save the money while others don't, same way some of their friends will end up with high paying jobs while some will end up with low paying jobs.

Notinthegroupchats · 08/10/2023 18:03

@ConsuelaHammock the cut off is 50k. You don’t even know what you’re talking about. And as you were so rude to me I’ll throw back at you - why don’t you retrain if you’re so desperate. I work in the public sector too.

Uggtrending · 08/10/2023 18:08

@FullMoomin your update is just a rant. You have a mortgage and you have a partner bring in TWO incomes and EMOTIONAL support. Just be grateful. Agree with others you must have some sort of anxiety its ridiculous indeed.

Life is unfair and things aren't always equal

Lennybenny · 08/10/2023 18:09

Please tell me this is a joke. CB is for the child/parents to pay for things. If someone is saving it and has saved it for 12 years...they didn't actually need it...unlike 90% of those who recieve it.

CharityJobConumdrum · 08/10/2023 18:11

Good for you @ConsuelaHammock and you're right about the going without to save and if you've been able to do all of it without any help from family (including your DHs) then hats off to you - that said there's no pockets in a shroud but if makes you happy then again great for you. Still think you're over simplifying the financial situation of most people - gone are the times when social housing was attainable and very few people coming up now will not be paying a huge % of their income on housing costs and if they own a house without much expectation that property will hold it's value - it's hard out there and being financially savvy doesn't change much when the odds are stacked against you