To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

[FullMoomin]

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

I agree with this.

OP, you spent it on exactly what it is for. Do not feel guilty.

Kids are not entitled to have a lump sum of their child benefit at 18 or whatever as it’s meant for buying nappies, milk if using formula, clothes etc. If this is what’s happening and it’s becoming another thing, it’s putting additional pressure on parents already struggling who could seriously use their CB payment every month.

I’m a new parent and I can already see why there are so many children who turn into adults who expect the world. A slight digression but relevant, I think: thinking of Christmas coming up as an example, I have already been enlightened about so many new traditions we never had like Christmas themed breakfasts every day throughout December - as well as Advent calendars, Christmas Eve boxes etc… We can afford it fortunately but I told my friends we won’t be doing most of the new traditions. They said “Awww but all kids have one” so the comparison to other parents/parent guilt starts very early! My husband is from a far more privileged background than me, privately educated etc but he agrees with me when I say we won’t be caving in to the pressure of trying to keep up with other parents.

My little one will also absolutely not be getting a lump sum at 18. I would have blown mine on nothing in particular, despite my parents teaching me the value of money and encouraging saving - although my mum had to spend her child benefit as it came in as we were skint!

If it makes you feel better, are you in the position to start saving a small amount now so you have a little nest egg by the time they’re, say, 25 or 30? If you’d like to help out a little with something like a house deposit? Not that you are obliged to do that, of course.

I was not disadvantaged by my parents not giving me a lump sum or being in the position to pay for me to go to university etc. I went to university (with student loans which should not be seen as typical debt) and had a very small savings pot (from things like birthday money) until I got my first job. I’m more grateful that my parents provided for me when I was young.

@Sehenswürdigkeiten I am mostly replying to comments where I was quoted. Who else was that directed at? Is it only 'weighing in' when it's an opinion different than yours? 🤔🤔🤔

No multiple times you’ve inserted yourself into comments not aimed at you only to post some useless phrase.

That's how benefits are generally calculated - they're designed to be a cushion for the most in need.

Fully agree with this.

I'll be honest OP, people like your friends show how the child benefit idea isn't fit for purpose, there are parents every month who use that money to make ends meet, of your friends can afford to not only save it, but match it, then they shouldn't get it, and the parents who are struggling to make ends meet should get more. I understand it's easier administratively to just give it to everyone, but some people have a greater need for money than others. Where there are some kids who have 20k stashed away for them when they turn 18, there are other kids going without any small luxuries at all! Seems a bit unfair really!

Might I suggest you familiarise yourself with the rulings on this taxable benefit.

Also at what age you get child benefit to

I suggest your friends are not friends they are work colleagues.
I am wondering where you work or who you work with as this attitude and naivity suggests they have all led very sheltered lives or are just socially unaware or inept if they are horrified that you used your CB for how it was intended.

As for giving an 18year old a lump sum of money. The mind boggles at what goes through these peoples minds.

What do they honestly think that their 18year old will do with the money.
Buy a car and wrap it round a tree, drink, drugs, lots of partying for their new found freeloaders friends at university

All that careful planning and it will end up killing or wrecking the life of at least one of their children or it gets frittered away on stuff

One might put it down as a house deposit but the rest won’t be so disciplined

Give it a rest.
You're not exactly contributing and have become annoyed because I asked you to read existing comments.
You're not the gatekeeper.

Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!

Except the state gives parents money to help them support their dependent children. Not to save for when the children are old enough to earn their own living. It turns out that none of your friends actually needed to claim child benefit in the first place!

Far better to use it as its intended - to help with the additional costs of raising children, than save it and give it as a lump sum to 18 year olds. 18 year olds aren't exactly the most sensible spenders! My DD will be getting 50k when she's 18 (because she inherited it, not because I saved anything!) and I am worrying so much about her having her hands on that much money at such an impulsive age, definitely not something I would purposely do (save money to give as a lump sum). So be glad you've spent it, and your children have benefitted.

Same

It's supposed to help with the cost of raising children, not be a mini 'jackpot at 18' sum for the children of well off parents.

You could argue that it's not just for the children, it's to protect NI contributions for the recipient

It's a broken/unfair system.

If the family pot needs the contribution then it goes into pot and spent.

Personally I've periodically spent and saved the CB over time. Plus dipped into saved CB when needed to do so. It's family money.

Why do you think you should be equal? Everyone has different lives, jobs, outgoings. You used as you did for brings up your children, your friends were affluent enough to not need it and saved. Stop comparing. It's ridiculous.

But not all benefits are like this. Child benefit isn't. And what does "needing the money to live" look like exactly? If you save the money for school shoes, or use it to pay for swimming lessons does that mean you need it, or not. If you have a savings account for your child, or pay into their child trust fund, does that mean you are worthy to receive it or not?

Your friends are either overprivileged, batshit, or lying. You don't think they're lying, so it's one of the other two. You're supposed to spend CB on offsetting the costs of bringing up children. It's not intended as a savings scheme for the canny middle classes. Stop beating yourself up.

You're being ridiculous

Child benefit is for the benefit of the child as they are growing up, not for saving.

I didn't know people saved CB. That pisses me off actually because if they don't use it for ongoing costs then I'm not sure they should be in receipt of it.

Ours just goes into the monthly pot.

Every single one of them will have spent more than £20 pw on feeding, clothing, housing, entertaining, transporting etc their DC. Therefore, by definition, they have spent the CB offsetting the costs of bringing them up.

@FullMoomin OP please be kind to yourself. A child in foster care is expected to have £10 per month of the foster care allowance put in to a savings account for them. Not the entire value of Child benefit payments.

My DS is the same age as yours and we haven't always been in a position to save every months. We've also had to 'borrow back' on one occasion when we had an urgent repair to our roof and no other way to fund it. We have just over £3k saved now and will keep putting money away for him, but not to the detriment of his standard of living today. Your DS will always know he is loved and cared for, and that you have done your best. Just keep talking to him about money and finances, in an age appropriate way. Help him learn now how to manage money in the future, that is the best financial gift you can give him.

If you save more than £20 pw out of that monthly pot, or spend that amount on anything non essential, then you shouldn't receive it, according to your own argument.

Those who can save CB don't need it! Maybe we should look at who gets CB again....

It’s like £20 a week isn’t it? It’s easily spent on running a home so I wouldn’t feel guilty. Loads of children don’t get it back as lump sum when they reach adulthood. It’s not something I’ve ever heard of tbh.
We don’t claim it because, as a household, we’d just pay it all back in tax. I do put the equivalent away in savings I suppose, but I don’t feel pressure to have the full equivalent as a lump sum for DC when they’re older.

I don’t understand. Your post basically boils down to “My friends who are wealthier than me have more money to give to their children”.

No shit!

@BIossomtoes why do you assume someone maybe cutting corners? Maybe they are a better saver than you? Maybe they have parents that give them £1000 each for there kids like another poster stated. Maybe the family or ex partner have good jobs and help then out. I mean this isn't unusual what is odd is that you are jumping to negative conclusions

Anyway £20,000 is helpful but hardly life changing. It won’t change the outcome of your children’s life in the long run.

What are you talking about? Child benefit isn't to create a savings account for them. It is money to help you provide for your kids. If people are in the incredibly fortunate financial position that they can put that money aside for their kids, well that's lovely for them but not reality for the vast majority.