Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend’s “warning” was fine?

281 replies

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 16:03

A new Arabic restaurant has opened in our area. A friend of mine went and said she liked the food, but was disappointed there was no alcohol licence. She and I both enjoy wine with a meal, so it did put me off a bit TBH, although I might try it for lunch.

Anyway, someone had posted about this restaurant on our local Facebook page, with all the usual “please support a new local business” comments. My friend had replied on the post saying “Just to warn people, this place doesn’t have an alcohol licence or offer BYOB”.

Honestly, from some of the reactions you’d think she’d confessed to suffocating puppies. People telling her she was pathetic; why on earth should people have to be “warned” about the lack of alcohol; can’t people enjoy even one meal without alcohol; it sums up everything that’s wrong with this country (🙄) and so on. One person (who I assume is connected to the restaurant or its owners) even tried to suggest she was damaging the business!

AIBU to think there was nothing wrong with what she posted? Maybe the word “warn” made it sound a bit overdramatic, but realistically there are a fair few people who wouldn’t want to go to a dry restaurant. As for saying she was damaging the business, that’s just ridiculous in my eyes. It was entirely factual to say they don’t serve alcohol. It’s unlicensed, but they want to keep it a secret? If they’re that worried the lack of a licence will put people off, why not just apply for one?

If they think they can sustain a dry restaurant, they must believe they’ll still get customers who aren’t bothered by the lack of alcohol. So why is it a problem to point out that they don’t sell it?

OP posts:
SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/10/2023 19:19

PikachuChickenRice · 07/10/2023 19:13

I don't need to know that. I have never had an issue. I presume the restaurants are happy too, as I'm giving them lots of business.
Which raises an interesting point... you, and all these other enraged people.... how many of you actually eat at these places regularly? Hmm? Have you been to just one or two in your life, and just assumed that all of them are dry?

OPs' friend actually went there and tried it out. I bet more than half those angry people., while being annoyed at a stranger on the internet, won't actually put their hands in their pockets and give it a visit!

I see this a lot with other business too. People posting a load of supportive comments, attacking each other on the internet, but do they actually do the one thing the business actually needs - become their customer?

No siree!

Show quote history

Ok, you want to go to Arab restaurants and have alcohol, but you don't want to check ahead to see if they allow it. So don't check and take your chances 🤷‍♀️

Batalax · 07/10/2023 19:20

I’m sorry you’re ignorant OP, but in the age of technology ignorance is a choice I’m afraid.

Well I’m ignorant then. Our small town has one restaurant that’s byob, and as far as I know all the others have licences. Yes I go for plenty of uk breaks away, including in cities, but every time I’ve been for a meal there has been alcohol.

A dry restaurant is outside my realm of experience in this country. It makes sense now it’s pointed out to me, but I hardly think my ignorance was a choice. Alcohol is the norm for me. Maybe not for people in cities with a huge array of restaurants to choose from.

Chonkadoodle · 07/10/2023 19:28

Sorry but that’s not my experience at all having come from a Jewish family myself.

truthhurts23 · 07/10/2023 19:32

Magenta82 · 07/10/2023 19:09

You absolutely are though. You made the assumption that Arabic = Muslim, when in reality there are loads of non-Muslim Arabic people as well as plenty of Muslims (Arabic or not) who do drink alcohol.

Show quote history

loads of non-Muslim Arabic people
wrong.
85% of arabs are muslim worldwide
and just because some muslims drink doesn't mean it is common or acceptable in their culture, it's haram

SherbetDips · 07/10/2023 19:34

Personally I think it was completely unnecessary to warn people. If I chose to eat at an Arabic restaurant I wouldn’t expect it to be serving alcohol.

whiteroseredrose · 07/10/2023 19:34

Gnomegnomegnome · 07/10/2023 16:31

I would assume that the person posting the warning was a bit thick to not realise that they are unlikely to get alcohol in an Arabic restaurant.

But both of our local Arabic restaurants DO serve alcohol, and also allow you to take your own. I like Arabic food and certainly wouldn't expect them to be alcohol free.

Shadowonasun · 07/10/2023 19:35

Nothing wrong with her message. She's not working for the restaurant, is under no obligation to praise them and is entitled to her opinion/write what she wants. What she wrote is factual, without any expletives. Useful knowledge for the people who like a drink with their meal.

All the bleeding hearts, professionally offended and 'be kind' twits can do one.

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/10/2023 19:38

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/10/2023 18:50

I know Arabic doesn't have to equate to Muslim, but there's a reasonable chance it does and therefore a reasonable chance that it's dry, especially if it serves a strong Muslim community. Not recognising this strong possibility if you want a drink doesn't make you a great egalitarian, it makes you very foolish.

Show quote history

No it doesn't. It makes you foolish to presume they are Muslim when many aren't. Talk about reaching.

phoenixrosehere · 07/10/2023 19:38

As some posters pointed out it wouldn’t have hurt to talk about the food and then mention it being a dry restaurant.

She enjoyed the food, but instead of saying so she decided to warn people about it not serving alcohol.

I would have eyerolled her comment but would have kept scrolling to find one that actually mentions the food.

PikachuChickenRice · 07/10/2023 19:39

whiteroseredrose · 07/10/2023 19:34

But both of our local Arabic restaurants DO serve alcohol, and also allow you to take your own. I like Arabic food and certainly wouldn't expect them to be alcohol free.

Show quote history

Right?
A lot of PP are arguing about assumptions like @SurprisedWithAHorse but they never mentioned whether they regularly eat at 'Arabic 'restaurants. Or whether they've just extrapolated thinking Arabic = Muslim = No Alcohol.

When those of us who eat at these places regularly have stated that our experience has been the presence of alcohol.

FWIW I always check a restaurant's online pages out before going, if there was as callout 'no alcohol' I'd definitely see it. I wouldn't expect to need to ring up and confirm beforehand.

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/10/2023 19:42

whiteroseredrose · 07/10/2023 19:34

But both of our local Arabic restaurants DO serve alcohol, and also allow you to take your own. I like Arabic food and certainly wouldn't expect them to be alcohol free.

Show quote history

Ours do too. I don’t know any locally who don’t tbh.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/10/2023 19:44

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/10/2023 19:38

No it doesn't. It makes you foolish to presume they are Muslim when many aren't. Talk about reaching.

Show quote history

The act of checking means you aren't assuming anything. You're just intelligent enough to be aware of the possibility and are making inquiries to ensure you don't waste your time.

What's foolish is having alcohol as a deal breaker but not checking when you should be smart enough to see that there's a possibility it won't be served. If the idea of checking offends you for some inexplicable reason, as it clearly does, then don't. But you've only got yourself to blame if your assumption turned out to be wrong.

PikachuChickenRice · 07/10/2023 19:50

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/10/2023 19:44

The act of checking means you aren't assuming anything. You're just intelligent enough to be aware of the possibility and are making inquiries to ensure you don't waste your time.

What's foolish is having alcohol as a deal breaker but not checking when you should be smart enough to see that there's a possibility it won't be served. If the idea of checking offends you for some inexplicable reason, as it clearly does, then don't. But you've only got yourself to blame if your assumption turned out to be wrong.

Edited
Show quote history

The funny thing here is it doesn't matter who blames who. Even for me - if I happen, after the better part of a decade to across a Middle Eastern restaurant that bans alcohol I'll just walk out. No skin off my nose. Plenty of other restaurants to go to.

But for the restaurant ... If you argue that everyone should 'know' they might not serve alcohol there's nothing wrong with the restaurant confirming this in writing, or being pleased that it's been pointed out.

Instead there's been this massive pile-on r.e. it being bad and even 'damaging the business' - why?

Maybe they're hoping those who were surprised like OP's friend might turn up and pay for a meal anyway?

It might work at the start but eventually word will get out.

Lolabear38 · 07/10/2023 20:00

This thread is absolutely hilarious! The amount of people condemning the OP and others for not calling a restaurant beforehand to check the alcohol policy are the same people can’t actually be bothered to fact check their own ignorant beliefs that an Arabic restaurant equals automatically no alcohol. a blanket sweeping assumption that all arabic people cannot possibly consume or serve alcohol! People are so desperate to be offended and virtue signal that they just spout out the same old nonsense and make themselves sound utterly stupid in the process 😂

Softleftpowerstance · 07/10/2023 20:08

And in the rush to be progressive we now have posters claiming that Orthodox Jews don’t drink 😂

XenoBitch · 07/10/2023 20:11

YANBU
I have been to an Indian restaurant that had a bar with various wine glasses behind it, so we naturally assumed it served alcohol.
It didn't and there was no literature anywhere to say that either.

godmum56 · 07/10/2023 20:20

just to point out that Arab and Muslim are not the same thing.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/10/2023 20:23

PikachuChickenRice · 07/10/2023 19:50

The funny thing here is it doesn't matter who blames who. Even for me - if I happen, after the better part of a decade to across a Middle Eastern restaurant that bans alcohol I'll just walk out. No skin off my nose. Plenty of other restaurants to go to.

But for the restaurant ... If you argue that everyone should 'know' they might not serve alcohol there's nothing wrong with the restaurant confirming this in writing, or being pleased that it's been pointed out.

Instead there's been this massive pile-on r.e. it being bad and even 'damaging the business' - why?

Maybe they're hoping those who were surprised like OP's friend might turn up and pay for a meal anyway?

It might work at the start but eventually word will get out.

Edited
Show quote history

Mumsnet: Where assuming that alcohol is served at an Arab establishment is, er, not an assumption. But inquiring about it is.

And where not knowing that Arab restaurants might not serve alcohol is a sign of your worldliness and how very often you frequent them.

And where refusing to inquire about it even when it's a deal breaker is...something.

Gotta love this place.

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/10/2023 21:00

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/10/2023 19:44

The act of checking means you aren't assuming anything. You're just intelligent enough to be aware of the possibility and are making inquiries to ensure you don't waste your time.

What's foolish is having alcohol as a deal breaker but not checking when you should be smart enough to see that there's a possibility it won't be served. If the idea of checking offends you for some inexplicable reason, as it clearly does, then don't. But you've only got yourself to blame if your assumption turned out to be wrong.

Edited
Show quote history

The irony of your comments about not making assumptions when that is exactly what you have been doing will likely be lost on you.

In this cost of living age where restaurants are competing for dwindling business the onus is on them to provide information to help attract potential diners not for the diners to have to chase it It's just basic customer service and indeed common sense.

It's highly unlikely to ever be an issue for me personally because as I've said all the Arabic restaurants I know serve alcohol.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/10/2023 21:01

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 19:03

No alcohol licence so couldn't have a glass of wine but never mind.
Will definitely be back

But she did mind and she definitely won’t go back!

Then she's got an alcohol problem 🙄

LaGiaconda · 07/10/2023 21:06

For me it's a positive if a restaurant doesn't serve alcohol. It is likely to be family friendly and not full of booze fuelled people shouting at one another.

I am very happy to drink mint tea, sparkling water or soft drinks with a meal - and know that I will be able to go home with a clear head.

Also if I do want wine I'd rather drink from a good bottle home at home instead of paying through the nose for a glass of indifferent stuff.

There are many restaurants in parts of the city where I live that don't serve alcohol- as well as evening cafes specialising in desserts where people socialise.

So would be more than happy with a post saying 'No license, but mint tea/good choice of soft drinks.

HandbagMarinara · 07/10/2023 21:11

ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/10/2023 21:01

Then she's got an alcohol problem 🙄

Show quote history

No she hasn't.

Original poster
WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 21:11

ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/10/2023 21:01

Then she's got an alcohol problem 🙄

Show quote history

Absolute bullshit. Wanting wine with a meal does not mean you have an alcohol problem!

OP posts:
HandbagMarinara · 07/10/2023 21:14

LaGiaconda · 07/10/2023 21:06

For me it's a positive if a restaurant doesn't serve alcohol. It is likely to be family friendly and not full of booze fuelled people shouting at one another.

I am very happy to drink mint tea, sparkling water or soft drinks with a meal - and know that I will be able to go home with a clear head.

Also if I do want wine I'd rather drink from a good bottle home at home instead of paying through the nose for a glass of indifferent stuff.

There are many restaurants in parts of the city where I live that don't serve alcohol- as well as evening cafes specialising in desserts where people socialise.

So would be more than happy with a post saying 'No license, but mint tea/good choice of soft drinks.

I don't know what sort of restaurants your frequent but I have never seen 'booze fuelled people shouting at each other'

The rest is semantics

Magenta82 · 07/10/2023 21:20

ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/10/2023 21:01

Then she's got an alcohol problem 🙄

Show quote history

Where did you get that from?
How is wanting to enjoy a glass of wine with a meal a problem?
Not everyone gets the chance to go out regularly, issues like money, shift work, children can mean that a night out is a a rare treat. Wanting a drink with a meal is a very normal and non problematic wish and not having one when you fancy it makes it less enjoyable for some people.
I sometimes like a dessert after my meal, if a restaurant didn't serve desserts I would probably be disappointed, that doesn't mean I have a sugar problem.