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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate London

83 replies

rainbowsinthemorning · 07/10/2023 08:49

I've lived in London my whole life, right now I'm living very central. My current partner (not the father of my dc) loves London. I feel like I'm drowning in the sound of traffic, don't want to leave my windows open as I'm worried about how the pollution will effect my DC, hate the school run for the same reasons. I'm so so desperate to leave the city, I crave the sound of nature and the fresh air but he just doesn't want to leave. We don't live together right now. AIBU to think it's never going to work with us as I can't see myself ever being happy here and he doesn't want to leave. All I can think about is what harm it's doing to my DC and it's sending my anxiety through the roof.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 07/10/2023 08:51

You need to do what you want. If he really loves you he’d follow you. Put yourself and your kids first.

Needmorelego · 07/10/2023 08:52

If you have the financial means to move I say go for it.
Your children's lives are a higher priority than your partner - who is really just a boyfriend if you don't live together.
Go for it.

ASCCM · 07/10/2023 08:53

London is awesome, but it’s isn’t somewhere I would want to bring my kids up I don’t think.

I can still be in the city within about 35 minutes and here it’s green and quiet and the schools are amazing. It’s a no brainer to me.

it’s tricky when you live with someone who isn’t the dad of your kids , but when I was moving I stood firm on the locations that were best for them and their life and you should do the same.

TweedTart · 07/10/2023 08:55

Is a move possible? Even a bit further out to a London suburb would change your daily experience hugely. I work in central London but live in Zone 4. The difference in noise, air quality and green space is huge.

I love London (also born & bred), but I get what you mean about the relentlessness of the city further in.

Loopytiles · 07/10/2023 08:56

Do you have realistic options to move out of London (eg commuter belt) with the DC?

If so, and you want to, do it. Lots of places with little pollution etc not far from London. Continue to date your BF or not.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 08:56

How old are the DC? Do they want to move and is their DF involved and local?

Bruisername · 07/10/2023 08:57

Whereabouts are you? I’ve lived in all 6 zones in my time - different times of life suit different things. At the moment I’m zone 3 - 20 mins to the centre, parks around, not constant traffic, still easy walk or bus to shops and other things.

I wouldn’t stay where you are for your partner tbh but maybe compromise? If he’s not willing to compromise then I'm not sure he’s a great partner!!

Original poster
rainbowsinthemorning · 07/10/2023 08:58

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 08:56

How old are the DC? Do they want to move and is their DF involved and local?

DC is 6 and father is not involved. I have been with my partner since my school was very small so he is the only father figure he has ever had (which makes it harder).

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowsinthemorning · 07/10/2023 08:59

*son not school!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 07/10/2023 09:01

Better to move in the earlier primary years, if you’re going to, IMO. What’d you do re work etc?

Bruisername · 07/10/2023 09:03

I would start looking around areas you think might work - but be open minded and maybe look closer in than you first thought

Original poster
rainbowsinthemorning · 07/10/2023 09:08

Loopytiles · 07/10/2023 09:01

Better to move in the earlier primary years, if you’re going to, IMO. What’d you do re work etc?

Currently renting (at an extortionate rate) which leaves nothing left over to save but I do have some savings set aside from before ds was born (not much but something for a rainy day). I work full time. I have no family or friends left in London as all have bought in cheaper areas. Tbh I'd probably have a better support network outside London. I feel so trapped and just want to do wants right for my ds. I also don't want to move/change schools more than once so want to get it right.

OP posts:
Bruisername · 07/10/2023 09:11

Given your update then you should definitely look to move. If the relationship with your partner is right then it will work out. You just seem to have a very long list of pros and only one thing on the cons side

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 09:11

It is going to be hard for your DS to move and lose your DP but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

Is moving closer to family an option?

Orangebadger · 07/10/2023 09:15

Would you move to the suburbs instead? I am born and bred London and I have always had a love/ hate relationship with it! In my heart I would love to live more rurally but for various reasons had to stay in London. I'm now in SW suburbs, lots and lots of green open spaces, lovely riverside, not chaotic at all, not crazy amount of congestion like central London and good schools. For me it's a good compromise.

Loopytiles · 07/10/2023 09:16

Sounds like there could be options to move close to where you think you’d have nice friends or family nearby, where you could commute to your current job. Factor in housing and transport costs, schools and childcare.

Is your job one with similarly paid options outside London? Eg NHS or teaching. If so you have many more options.

i wouldn’t be paying super high housing costs in an area you dislike (for both yourself and for DS) that’s very polluted, for a boyfriend.

Museya15 · 07/10/2023 09:16

I was born and bred in it but left that cesspit many years ago and have never been back.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/10/2023 09:20

Is your job one with similarly paid options outside London? Eg NHS or teaching. If so you have many more options

I work in the Midlands and we're getting more and more Londoners moving up and working. A few have persuaded extended family to move up too.

dreamingbohemian · 07/10/2023 09:21

He's a boyfriend not a partner, so don't ruin your life for him

At the same time you could just move to zone 3 or 4 where its quiet and green, and keep the relationship, so not sure why this isn't an option you're considering. If you can afford central London you can afford e.g. Blackheath

Sigmama · 07/10/2023 09:21

Plenty of kids live in london. Athough pollution is a problem, there are pockets where it is less, low traffic neighbourhoods etc and more leafy areas, you could move to one of those, and still have relative peace and cleaner air. And as more measures kick in to lessen cars, it will become better although appreciate that will take a while

MrsMarzetti · 07/10/2023 09:22

This is about what you need and want not about what your boyfriend wants. The sooner you leave the better it will be for your child.

Saschka · 07/10/2023 09:23

You could move out to Epsom/Orpington/Epping or Watford, and see how you like it? Far enough out to seem rural, but not as big a jump as moving to north Wales or Lincolnshire. No need to break up with your DP either.

Beachwalker66 · 07/10/2023 09:23

I absolutely love London. To visit.

Move away, it definitely sounds like the best choice for you and DS. The disparity between housing costs and pay in London is so extreme, it’s making it very difficult to survive.

I wouldn’t consider your boyfriend at all to be honest when making your choice of where to go. I would prioritise somewhere where I had a support network, reasonable housing/pay differential, good schools and whatever else floats your particular boat, be that country walk, museums, beaches, nightlife.

There is life outside of London. Good luck!

Loopytiles · 07/10/2023 09:23

i loved london and would much prefer to have stayed, never even thought about pollution, but many years later the high pollution seems a biggie.

PaniDomu · 07/10/2023 09:24

If you’re in Central London, how is the traffic so bad? We’re in the congestion zone and it has cut down massively on the number of cars. We now only get buses and taxis down our road, and the odd car, but never any lorries. The air quality has improved since it was introduced.