To hate London

[rainbowsinthemorning]

I've lived in London my whole life, right now I'm living very central. My current partner (not the father of my dc) loves London. I feel like I'm drowning in the sound of traffic, don't want to leave my windows open as I'm worried about how the pollution will effect my DC, hate the school run for the same reasons. I'm so so desperate to leave the city, I crave the sound of nature and the fresh air but he just doesn't want to leave. We don't live together right now. AIBU to think it's never going to work with us as I can't see myself ever being happy here and he doesn't want to leave. All I can think about is what harm it's doing to my DC and it's sending my anxiety through the roof.

Could you live in a quieter, greener part of the city? Eg Greenwich or Brockley where there are a lot of parks (would need to be well away from main roads though as air pollution still bad there).

Or a suburb out in Bromley towards Orpington? Technically London but right near Kent countryside, and cheaper than Surrey or Herts direction? Or Herts itself - St Albans or Harpenden?

What do you do for work and how old is your DC? If they’re healthy and don’t have asthma and are happy at school I wouldn’t leave unless you absolutely hate it.

If you do leave please don’t go properly rural at first - it’s a huge change which you may find very isolating.

@rainbowsinthemorning could you look somewhere like Ham or Teddington or Hampton or north kingston- still easy to get in but bushy and Richmond park and hampton lido plus riversides are great for that lots of space and nature feel

Good advice, especially if you have always lived in London.

Mr Monkey has no idea about living in places with minimal public transport or very few restaurants. It completely freaks him out that my dad's village has no pavements and we have to take a torch when we go to the pub.

OMG, just go for it, OP!

I love London beyond comprehension, always have, but you sound so unhappy in your situation. You really owe it to yourself to live where you want to live. Good luck.

I’m currently in leafy zone 2 and love it. 3 up to end of primary in zone 1 and also loved it- but I did notice a really pull to get out of town at the weekends which vanished when we had a garden. One thing that did help in zone 1 was a whole house hepa filter. Obviously that’s not feasible but look into a smaller unit. I’ve got one arriving today as chesty dh is moaning about the open fire and I’d rather get rid of him than it 😬 It does sound as if you don’t need to be in London and should move- don’t worry about moving schools. I literally can’t think of one child from my DCs peers who went reception- yr13 in the same or even feeder schools. The disadvantages of moving school (losing friends and disruption to learning) are one thing that social media and the internet fixes. And the advantages- not being stuck as the whatever one, learning to adapt and make new friends are massive.

Why should he? You could say if she loves him she'd stay!

The difference is that she has a child to consider

I would definitely recommend moving out of London, but not too far away.

I absolutely loved living in London and couldn't imagine ever being happy anywhere else. I thrived on its busyness and energy - until I had my first DC and went on maternity leave and then I started to feel differently. By the time I had my second DC (they're just under a year a half apart), London had completely lost its appeal and felt too busy and polluted. I started to feel stressed and anxious all the time, as getting anywhere further than walking distance away was such a hassle with two very small children, even though I was very fortunate to live in a lovely part of London (next to the river in Putney). I always seemed to be either stuck in traffic or trying to get a double buggy on and off the bus. And parking outside my home was always difficult as the residents' permit zone covered about ten streets, so I'd often have to park on the next street and struggle to my front door with shopping bags in one hand and carrying my DD in her car seat in the other, while trying to stop my toddler DS from running into the road.

We moved to a town 20 miles away, that's now on the Elizabeth line. The lifestyle change was unbelievable. We could afford a house with a driveway and a proper garden and not just a maisonette with a tiny dark courtyard. There are so many green spaces and parks everywhere, a choice of lovely primary schools with big playing fields and a proper feeling of living in a community. And in less than half an hour I can be in central London.

I knew no one here when we moved, and it took about six months to feel settled and to stop constantly driving back to Putney to see my old friends. But it's such a friendly place and having young DC made it easy to make friends with local parents ( I volunteered to be on the committee at toddler group, joined the PTA, helped out at Brownies etc.).

Now my DC are late teens and pretty independent, I've rediscovered my love for London and go there often, but it's such an easy train journey I feel like I have the best of both worlds living here and would never want to move back.

It all sounds rather dramatic. Surely the sensible compromise would to be live in an outer zone, say zone 3, rather than the dead centre?

We're all different, of course.

Personally I love London, born and bred, still live here, not intending to leave.

But I am in social housing in a nice area and it makes a huge difference.

If you can afford to rent centrally, you can afford to move to a LOT of different places.

Just try and be sure you're moving towards something you really want, rather than trying to escape your anxieties.

I don't really buy this 'London is not a place for kids' thing. It very much can be. I had an amazing childhood in London and it's great for teens as they have more freedom with public transport etc, not reliant on getting a lift. There is so much to do, here.

My husband is from zone 1 I would never live there it's horrendous. We live in zone 3 and it's so green and beautiful... I don't think London is homogenous. Is there a middle ground for you both?

Move to the suburbs

Oh dear...have you fallen for Sadiq khan's nonsense about pollution?

"My current partner (not the father of my dc)"

Get rid

What about outer zones? London can be tough but as a born & raised one I couldn't live elsewhere, I just don't like it elsewhere.

If you hate traffic and noise why on earth are you living in central London?

We live in Zone 3 South London and we are surrounded by parks and there is a literal wood 10 minutes walk from our flat.

Traffic can be shit all over London. Z3 South doesn't escape it.

I have never made a better decision in my life than when I upped sticks and got the fuck out of London with my then 4yo daughter and moved back to rural Wales, where I was born. It literally felt like I left a fugue of depression and unhappiness behind me. I've never looked back. Some people just aren't meant for cities.

if someone tells HIM the same, how is that helpful.

Nothing wrong in hating or loving London, but if you are not ready to compromise (and you shouldn't have to), of course not BU to hate it and move away. I

Move to zone 3.
Greenwich
Black heath
Dulwich
Beautiful parks and open spaces.
Great shops, good community and schools.
20 mins to central london.

Somewhere leafy in the suburbs would be the perfect compromise. Just bear in mind that when your dc is older, good public transport links and things to do nearby is a hell of a lot easier than living somewhere rural. I grew up in north London, moved out as a young adult and now live in a beautiful little village. It’s lovely and peaceful except we spend most of our time driving our three teens to various places and back as rural buses are a nightmare. I now wish we lived somewhere with a bit more going on (they do too!) and where we didn’t have to rely on cars so much. We are looking to move. Pros and cons to both.

London is fab but the noise and chaos isn't for everyone. There are some wonderful green areas if you go to zone 4.

@panelbottle it can. We live at the top of a quiet no through road that is a steep hill so we are not as affected. We can't hear the cars at all hear up here.

Also living London means I don't have to run a car and become part of the problem. I simply walk or get the train everywhere.

I always feel there is a certain iront about people moving somewhere very car dependent to "escape trafficand pollution". If you are a driver you ARE traffic.

So what possessed you to rent in Central London? There must have been a reason?

@Ginmonkeyagain my road is very quiet but the roads I have to traverse aren't. And not everywhere has separate bus lanes so you can be stuck in the traffic. I can't think of any high streets that won't have bad traffic at rush hour etc.

And loads of people in London run a car because it's the easier option eg they work shifts, where they work has little local transport. Even getting from SW to SE London can be a pain on public transport if your not in Z1 or 2. You often have to go in to come out.