To hate London

[rainbowsinthemorning]

I've lived in London my whole life, right now I'm living very central. My current partner (not the father of my dc) loves London. I feel like I'm drowning in the sound of traffic, don't want to leave my windows open as I'm worried about how the pollution will effect my DC, hate the school run for the same reasons. I'm so so desperate to leave the city, I crave the sound of nature and the fresh air but he just doesn't want to leave. We don't live together right now. AIBU to think it's never going to work with us as I can't see myself ever being happy here and he doesn't want to leave. All I can think about is what harm it's doing to my DC and it's sending my anxiety through the roof.

If you hate traffic and noise why on earth are you living in central London?

We live in Zone 3 South London and we are surrounded by parks and there is a literal wood 10 minutes walk from our flat.

I am sitting on my balcony right now with a cup of tea listening to the birds and watching a squirrel scurry around gathering leaves.

London is a big and diverse city, you don't have to live in the centre.

In your situation I'd move. There will be plenty of options that give you more space and greenery, possibly closer to support network, that will be within and hour for your boyfriend to come and visit.

It's regularly 40 mins plus to travel from North - South or East - West London or vice versa.

How much of this is anxiety looking for a place to focus? Would you develop anxiety around something else if you move?

Can you work almost anywhere?

The places I have lived in S London , zones 2 and 3, have always been very peaceful on the residential streets. One is now a LTN so almost no traffic at all. Lovely big parks, easy to get to v wild places at the weekend (Surrey Hills etc) and very good schools.

Does your DP insist on v central?

Apart from his love of London living, is he your support network?

It does seem a very odd decision to spend more money than you can afford renting centrally (most Londoners do not live in the central zone precisely becuase it is so expensive) and complain you hate it.

Why did you make the decision to rent so centrally in the first place?

A kid that age, it's a great time to move

I was brought up in London, I hated it. I wanted to live in the country with my grandparents.
Now I live in deepest rural Somerset and love every day of my life. If you want something you have to make it happen. Don't bother trying to persuade your boyfriend just go.

You can move to a lovely leafy part of Essex or Hertfordshire and still be in Liverpool Street in 40 minutes. It's not like you'd be moving to the moon. I highly recommend Ware, lovely walks and pubs and fast trains straight into town.

That sounds like heaven to me!

I live in zone 1, and love it here - occasionally think about "moving out" for more space and fresh air, but probably wouldn't go beyond zone 3 or 4 - lots of options without leaving London.
WHat areas have your friends relocated to?

By that logic, if OP really loved DP she's follow him (I.E. stay in london)

I'd move to a cheaper area where your family live, for sure. Everything will be better - space, support, air quality. I do love London but not for family life.

Same here. I live in a London suburb on the borders of Kent, so plenty of green spaces, but only half an hour to central London.

It's a good compromise.🙂

I live in zone 5, basically on the Kent border. It's 30 minutes by train to Charing Cross and we are in Central London a lot on weekends.

For me it's the best of both worlds, easy access but not the mayhem.

London is huge - so many leafy and quiet areas to choose from, you don't have to live so centrally if you don't like traffic!

I'm central, near the river and parks, and lots of birdsong from my little garden right now

Yes, YABU to hate London!

I wouldn't base big life decisions like whether to move or not on a partner I didn't live with.

I lived in zone 2 and worked in central london in my early/mid twenties. I was SO done by the time I left. Samuel Johnson may have said tired of London, tired of life. But he didn’t have to use the northern line 5 days a week. He didn’t have someone getting stabbed on his street and likely didn’t live next door to some folk that had the police round dealing with their drug and DV issues every other fucking day

Cliche but you only have one life.

This is quite odd, to feel so extreme about the place when you've lived there all your life and chosen to live centrally, and pay extortionate rents for the privilege. You're in literally the most expensive and sought after parts of the UK (and the world!) and it's a no-brainer not to live there if you hate it.

However you don't have to have this calamitous angle on moving either - that your relationship and DC's father figure is at stake and you can't risk another school move and so on. People make compromises all the time when they can't have either the central London lifestyle or the bucolic rural dream. This is why the suburbs and commuter towns exist. Not because they're anyone's dream location, but because they make practical sense for most families as a place to raise kids with more green/fresh air and still have access to London.

Surely there are places - on the zillion 'moving out of London or not' threads on here that mean you'll be happy, you'll keep you DP and your DC will thrive. Hitchin is one that comes up constantly but there's loads of places in the outer zones and the home counties and loads of intell on it. No doubt your friends and family who've moved out have already been through it and can advise. It's what parents have to do unless they're super-rich or very lucky with HA homes. So don't waste any more energy on hating central London or any more money on paying to live there. Figure out the way forward and live happily (enough as the next person) ever after.

Good advice @Pinkdelight3

I grew up rurally, have lived in London for 20 years but increasingly value space and greenery as I get older Mr Monkey was born here and always lived centrally (his parents ran pubs so they lived above them).

When we were looking for a place together I knew I wanted somewhere leafier. He was sceptical of leaving the very central zone 1/2area he lived in. We settled for a leafy suburban area of zone 3 and are both happy - we have space but an easy commute to the centre. It helped that I was happy living in London.

The next issue may be my increasing hankering for the sea (I grew up in a coastal area) 🫣

See, I was brought up in a village in Sussex and was bored rigid - nowhere to go, no buses, roads not safe for cycling, couldn’t even see my friends unless DM gave me a lift.

Moved to London and life is great! 🤣

Be careful what you wish for ...... I lived in London, not central zone 3. We moved back to DH's country and now I live in rural Sweden. I live in a huge house but it is SO BORING. The locals are cold, not just me was talking to a woman from Eritrea the other day - she has been here 10 years and does not have one Swedish friend despite working and children in school. I would move back to London in a heartbeat but have been out priced.

Is there some compromise? Can you move to the outskirts? Commuting distance for your partner. It shouldn't be too hard if you don't live with your partner. It doesn't have to be Devon or Isle of Skye.

Well move if you want to - or maybe try a leafy bit of zone 4 first? That might allow you not to ditch your partner / your child’s father figure.

I am in the same situation, live in zone 2/3 border and desperately want to leave because of my DD and my partner says no. I want to move back up north, it just feels so unsafe and polluted here. Just sending solidarity really, I totally get it.

I love London and it was fun having my DS early childhood there. However, I do think lots of factors play into this. We loved the museums and parks, we were in easy reach of woods and there are plenty of events held in London suitable for all ages. It can be easier to get a Saturday job for teenagers and has great transport links. But someone trying to have 3 children in a squashed flat with no garden in a high crime area next to a main road will have a very different experience to someone in a garden flat or terraced house in a lower crime area with more space and outside access.

Equally, since moving to the countryside I’ve not missed the traffic noise - which I found stressful. We don’t regret our move, but both of us felt ready for it. We were similar in only wanting to move once but our settling in period was a bit screwed up by COVID and prior to that my husband was staying half the week in London to work, which was pretty stressful. For us, it was a financial decision based around the life we wanted, which didn’t end up being possible in London due to high rents and high house prices.

What has your partner said when you explain how much you feel it’s affecting you? We live in Wales and have two cities within driving distance (one only 20 mins away in good traffic), but our house is up a mountain in a village and we can see the sea. Is it London specifically your partner wants or could he compromise living in the countryside and working in a city?

Just editing to add, I think you added in a subsequent post about high rental price etc. which is why I haven’t suggested suburbs, which are pretty expensive. We couldn’t afford the south of England at the time so looked in far cheaper areas all over the UK before settling on Wales. If you can afford the south of England, Hertfordshire could be a good bet. I lived there for some of my childhood and it was easy reach of London, but had plenty of countryside.

I live in Cornwall surrounded by fields.

My dream is to live in central London.

I can’t think of anything better than being able to walk out of your door and go for a walk around the block, walk to a park, walk to a shop, go and see a show, join a hobby etc.

It just sounds so much more convenient and I think my quality of life would improve.

I will probably move in a couple of years time once my DC have finished school, but I’ve not looked into it properly yet as I probably wouldn’t be able to afford it.

My concern for both of us, is that the grass isn’t always greener.

I know lots of people who have moved down from London.
Some of them absolutely love it but many hate it and move back or try and move back.

If I was you I would look into living just outside of London if possible.
So you can keep your relationship and be close to your home town but still more rural.
Your kids will also be able to see their friends and do the things they’re used to, as well as having a more country lifestyle.

I assume this would cost more than living in central London but I’m not sure.

You can be just as anxious anywhere. I'd start with sorting the anxiety and then see how you feel.