Should I be embarrassed about this or am I overthinking..

[MyDogsPaws]

I just met my lovely neighbour( older man) in my local Asda and for some unknown reason, clearly lacking anything better to say and allowing my socially awkward verbal diarrhoea to spew forth, I said the words “oh you look like you’ve got an exciting weekend planned with your wine and sausages” to which he laughed awkwardly and hastily departed. Now I can’t stop thinking about what he thought I meant about the wine and sausages 😬

Does anyone else get in trouble with socially awkward verbal diarrhoea and then overthink it for the rest of their lives?

I was in the park with my very elderly dog. I met a woman who also had an elderly dog, they stopped to sniff each other, and inevitably the woman asked me how old mine was. I replied that he was 15, to which she rather smugly responded that hers was 16. I have no idea where it came from, but to my utter horror, I heard myself say 'Ooh - competitive old-age dogging!' 😱 She just looked at me as if I were completely insane.

It was my job to train up new staff at work and was available to them to ask questions ongoing. One young lad came over and asked (very politely) 'can I bugger you for a moment?' He'd got bug me and bother me mixed up. Needless to say I was crying with laughter. He just walked away bright red. It took ages after that for him to approach me for help again and when he did, I'm ashamed to say that it took several weeks before I grew up and stopped giggling every time. He must have really hated me!!

When I was in my early 20's, I asked my boss if I could bother him with a question when he was busy: "it's really short and easy!" I chirruped.

"I don't mind if it's very long and very hard," he replied, then went brilliant red, realising what he'd said. He was a really sweet guy, bless him

One time a good few years ago my mother was hosting some kind of buffet thingy and she was doing a salad but couldn't source cucumbers anywhere ( randomly) I went into my local co op to get wine as I am as having the girls round and happened to see the man off loading a fresh box of cucumbers and I asked him could I please take 10 . Anyway I gets to the till and the same man who gave me the cucumbers happened to ask what my plans where, to which I replied "I'm having the girls over for a girlie night" so here I am standing with 10 cumbers, a bottle of wine and announcing to him that I am
Having the girls over for drinks . He simply said " sounds like you're intending on having a great night with a wee wink. I wanted to die lol

This one is absolutely priceless!

We have a new bakery near us that does homemade pies. A few weeks ago I finally decided we should try them out. It’s only a 5 minute walk up the hill, but as I left the house the heavens opened and I was an absolute drowned rat when I got there. Anyway, I request two pies (different fillings) and exchanged the usual commiserations about the crap weather. The owner then proceeded to present me with a free crumble to go with my pies as he reckoned he might decide to shut up shop early as not many people were about.

As I left the shop I decided to call out

Thanks for making a wet woman very happy!

I am yet to return…

When I was a teenager I used to have a good friend with very religious parents, let's call them Sarah and John. I was having a chat with Sarah one day about how they'd met and she said they used to go dancing together and to balls. Later that evening we were all having dinner and, completely out of the blue and for no reason I can fathom to this day, I turned to John and said "Sarah told me all about your balls"...

Sitting here with tears rolling down my face. Cheered me after a long day at work.
Where I work theres someone who instantly turns anything into an innuendo.
So, not quite as funny as some of these but someone had brought some chocolates in and at the end of my break I quickly nabbed one, realising that I should have taken a couple of bites .....I went to talk with difficulty saying "I shouldn't have stuffed all of that in my mouth at once, it was bigger than I first thought" to which I got a raised eyebrow followed by a snigger.

One night when I saw him I greeted him with ‘Oh hi Pete, I was thinking about you earlier when I was eating a banana!’

^^

Dies 😂😂

When I was in my first job as a shy and. nervous 16 year old, the guys used to take the mick out of me a lot and it was great fun. One day the sales manager messed up some paperwork, so he asked me for his file, he then said 'his name is Peter Thomas, but as you've filed it I'll look under 'W'! I was frantically trying to help, but laughingly said 'look, I'm trying to help your cock up.....I had meant to say I'm trying to help you & trying to sort your cock up out but the 2 sentences morphed.... Mortified doesn't begin to cover it!

Years later, we were shown a video at my daughter's primary school of what the children would be shown in their first sex education lesson, as there had been uproar about the topic being taught at all at the age they were. At the end, the male teacher turned the TV off and said 'there you go, it's all over rather quickly" I didn't miss a beat and replied "well, that's life" but as the words spilled out I realised he meant the lesson, not the actual act.....only one other mum laughed, the rest sat there clutching their pearls. I don't know how i faced any of them again!!

A builder was doing some landscaping for us (really lovely guy) and the outdoor broom I gave him to use was rubbish with really soft bristles. He tried using the broom but put it down saying “I’ll pop to the van, I’ve got a really stiff one”. He died of embarrassment poor guy.

my neighbour said hello to me earlier and for some reason it caught me off guard and I replied “thanks you too”. Not that funny but felt like a proper tool

my other story is less of what I said and more of what I did…..

my DH rang the door buzzer so I buzzed him in and went to open the front door. I’m quite heavily pregnant and it’s also hot at the mo so I was just wearing a thong and a bra as it was only me home…

so anyway, opened the door to dh… only it wasn’t DH…. It was the electrician I had booked to fix our lights. I simply said “oh” and shut the door out of panic. Still don’t have our lights working and I think the poor electrician probably has PTSD now 😂

I was visiting my son and his family in Portugal in the height of summer. I came out of the bathroom after having a cool wash, just as my son arrived with one of his colleagues. I introduced myself to him with the words, “Hello, I’m A’s hot mum.” My son just stared at me! I was horrified.

First job after graduating, I was telling my boss about my swimming lesson I'd had the previous evening. "So for the front crawl the instructor started us with doggy style and then added on the rest of the arm stroke a bit at a time". I meant doggy paddle. He kept a perfect poker face whilst the technician sat behind him collapsed laughing.

Well, at least it was wine and sausages, so it sounds like you thought he was having a barbecue maybe?

There could have been anything in his basket, leading to “it looks like you’re having an exciting weekend with your WD40 and crumpets”

”it looks like you’re having an exciting weekend with your Pedigree Chum and vanilla essence”

etc…

I’m also one to awkwardly spew stupid stuff. Leaving voice messages is the worst—I should give up on it!

There could have been anything in his basket, leading to “it looks like you’re having an exciting weekend with your WD40 and crumpets”

I think I’ve said that! 😆

Anusol and Dairylea value pack…

I was at my first appointment with a new hairdresser (my hair is tricky to cut and I've had some shockers in the past - this one was expensive out of pure desperation)

We chatted politely as you do, then about 45 minutes in he asked me something about my parents.... to which I beamed back and gaily replied "oh, both my parents are dead"

My parents were still very much hale and hearty at the time and I have absolutely no idea why I said it <screams>

He was so good though he's still my hairdresser 7 years later, and we've both never mentioned the mysterious reincarnation of my parents 😖

I can’t breathe for laughing 🤣🤣🤣🤣

oh well, at least you didn't make the "exciting weekend" comment in reference to a basketful of condoms.

OMG, how did they react? hahaha

I absentmindedly do things like this all the time.

I’ll phone someone and say “hi, how are you? “They’ll respond and ask how I am. I’ll respond and ask how they are. They usually respond with the same as before and at that point the penny drops that I’ve asked them twice and it’s obvious I wasn’t listening properly…

I've told this tale on MN before...

When we moved into this house, as the truck was being unloaded in the driveway, the NDN came over to say hello. He told me he had just retired.

"Good for you," I said. "How much is your pension?"

That was 28 years ago. We've barely spoken since.

My neighbour saw me out the other day and looked me dead in the eye and said ‘He does allow you out then’

Talking about my partner

I just kinda laughed and said ‘Sometimes’
😂 (Like i was really being kept hostage) 😂

My partner smokes outside and he leaves the house much more than i do so the neighbour doesnt see me as much as he sees him 😂

This has given me a much needed chuckle. Thank you 😂