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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t need to stay home to look after a 15 year old?

103 replies

sleepysimbaa · 06/10/2023 14:28

Colleague was suppose to be in the office yesterday as we had a presentation to give. Their excuse was their child isn’t well and said child is 15.

They made a joke today that said child asked if their friend could come over as they weren’t feeling well either.

(child doesn’t have additional needs)

OP posts:
AvocadotoastORahouse · 06/10/2023 19:11

stayathomer · 06/10/2023 18:00

If I was 15 I think I’d like someone checking in, dropping me in food and I don’t think at that age I’d be getting my own medecine so yes I’d expect an adult should stay with them. People always say it’s fine to do x or y but in real life you’re a parent, you parent when you can, making sure your child is ok when sick is a part of that. It doesn’t have to be a big ‘what if they die’ thing, it’s literally just you watch your children when at all possible.

Really? Confused

I'd be thinking if a 15 year old can't make a Lemsip/take ibuprofen responsibly, I'd have not done my job as a parent to raise them towards adulthood.

AvocadotoastORahouse · 06/10/2023 19:15

she was quite put out when they wanted to start showering themselves a couple of years ago!

Jeez @SallyWD what a loon! Has anyone ever tried to talk to her about this? Her kids are going to go CRAZY when they get to an age and have freedom and she can't control them any more.

HelloItsMeHowAreYou · 06/10/2023 19:25

TheresaOfAvila · 06/10/2023 14:48

Officially. Maybe it was something else- an abortion?

Show quote history

Cold or an abortion?? Wow, I've seen some leaps in my time but I think that one deserves a gymnastics gold medal

Tribevibes · 06/10/2023 19:30

Yeah because you don’t parent when they’re that age?? You are being ridiculous. You have no idea if it’s a cold or not. You literally have no idea what it could have been so mind your business.

Mariposista · 06/10/2023 19:39

totally depends on the illness.
A cold - they're fine. A minor stomach upset - they're fine.
I would not have left my 15 year old writhing in pain on her bedroom floor (she never complains - it turns out she had a burst appendix). You know your child. If I had left her she would not have got herself to hospital.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 06/10/2023 19:40

You don’t know if there are underlying conditions that she has not shared with you. My child has a heart condition but I have never felt the need to share that with my colleagues though my boss is aware. Its not really your place to judge or have an opinion. It is between her and her line manager.

Fairospop22 · 06/10/2023 19:40

@TheBluntTruth

haha just looked back at your posts. I might change my username to mindyourownbusiness

Which is what I think the answer to this pressing issue is.

TheChosenTwo · 06/10/2023 19:41

@DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz @Lastchancechica thanks 💐
it’s been a really tough few years, sadly it’s been going on since before Covid so quite a long time now.
But yes, I was really grateful for not being the topic of office gossip. Fortunately I have really lovely colleagues and generally have an amazing employer when it comes to crunch time so I’ve been really well supported there.
You really never know what’s really going on behind closed doors though, I wouldn’t be quick to jump to conclusions that someone is being over protective or pandering to their kid when they’re sick because ‘a cold’ or ‘a sickness bug’ could really be a very easy cover story.

Goldencup · 06/10/2023 19:42

IncompleteSenten · 06/10/2023 14:30

Depends how ill they were.

This we have retrieved our 19 yo from University when he was properly ill. Being really unwell alone is miserable. But if she just has a cold or a broken leg or something then yes I'd leave them.

Finteq · 06/10/2023 19:42

Softnatural · 06/10/2023 14:34

If my 15yo was ill enough to stay home from school I'd be quite worried about them.

I'm very committed to my career but I'm past the stage where it comes first every single time. If things could be managed without me without a disaster, I'd have stayed home too.

One of my boss' favourite sayings is "go and be a mum".

Agree.

It depends how unwell they are.

I wouldn't be happy to leave a sick 15 year old at home. And if they weren't too unwell I would have sent them in.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 19:49

You don't know if the child has SEN. You don't know if it's actually a cold.

Unless the person is workshy (I have one of these in which case I sympathise) you don't really know anything.

ArtAndMusic · 06/10/2023 19:55

I'd guess there are probably some things you're not aware of regarding the illness or the child.

Its none of your business and you sound really unpleasant.

Whatnowfgs · 06/10/2023 19:56

It could also be that the 15 year old was actually having a mental health issue.

For all those saying leave paracetamol/ lemsip. 15 year olds can't legally buy these anymore.

I do wonder where u stand legally if the truant officer/ school turn up and 15 year old is unsupervised. I don't live in England so genuinely don't know how this works

CandyLeBonBon · 06/10/2023 20:10

I've had to take time off for each of my dc.

They're all 15 or over. Each time has been a perfectly valid reason, agreed with and understood by my line manager, none of which is the business of any other member of staff.

zeibesaffron · 06/10/2023 20:40

It depends on what they have on whether I would leave them - my 17yo had covid really badly last year, I didn’t leave her.

LadyHag · 06/10/2023 20:56

TheChosenTwo · 06/10/2023 18:54

I had to take a week of parental leave a few months back due to an overdose by one of my dc. They were in hospital for 5 days. My line manager knows this however for the purposes of not wanting my life gossiped about by all and sundry at work she sent an email to my immediate team letting them know I would be off for a week.
No one knows why I was really off, if they thought I was looking after an older child with a cold I’d hope they had enough sense to read between the lines and drop it.
For the typical teen, no, a cold alone doesn’t warrant an adult not working for a whole day to bring tissues and make soup.
You might have more of a workload because of what’s happening but if that’s it, be thankful that your life might not be as shit as hers at the moment.

Hi.op, similar here,

Apologies for any graphic description but this thread has hit a nerve.

My y10 dc cut both wrists, going fully down the inside of each forearm, not a cut across each wrist. I was contacted by school and had to leave work.

I had a week off to stay with dc then see them back in school one day then it was business as usual, but with understanding at drop of a hat if needed I could just leave.

Towork colleagues I just had an unwell teenager, and it looks like I have flex to wfh, however I dont use this unless needed.

Major changes such as exam results, new college etc put us on high alert and I might need to be able to keep an eye on them.

If I was at work and a colleague was so dense as to voice that they didn't understand why I was looking after my dc, rather than having the common sense to think "There must be a need so, much as it seems unfair, I'll keep quiet as it isnt anything that involves me" I would go through every official channel to have them informed it was absolutely none of their business.

stayathomer · 06/10/2023 21:31

Really?

I'd be thinking if a 15 year old can't make a Lemsip/take ibuprofen responsibly, I'd have not done my job as a parent to raise them towards adulthood.
That’s a bit extreme isn’t it? Adults end up in hospital because they were sick and decided to double up on something or chance their arm with medication. I’m not saying that’s very likely but either way that wasn’t really my point, it was that if someone’s sick it’s good to have someone on hand to take care of them, pop up with toast, check on them and give them medicine if they need it. To parent them.

Loopytiles · 06/10/2023 21:37

My 15yo has mental health issues and at present I wouldn’t want to leave them home alone for a whole day (when have done so many, many times in the past, when they were or seemed well). So if they had a physical illness and needed to be off school one of us would probably take time off or wfh if possible.

with the exception of my boss my work colleagues are not aware of the MH issue and might assume ‘mollycoddling’

Lastchancechica · 06/10/2023 22:09

stayathomer · 06/10/2023 21:31

Really?

I'd be thinking if a 15 year old can't make a Lemsip/take ibuprofen responsibly, I'd have not done my job as a parent to raise them towards adulthood.
That’s a bit extreme isn’t it? Adults end up in hospital because they were sick and decided to double up on something or chance their arm with medication. I’m not saying that’s very likely but either way that wasn’t really my point, it was that if someone’s sick it’s good to have someone on hand to take care of them, pop up with toast, check on them and give them medicine if they need it. To parent them.

If a 15 year old couldn’t take a lemsip my major concern wouldn’t be the lemsip! I worry about the pp that are so black and white to miss entirely the bigger picture…

The dc are not the issue here.
it’s the limited perspective of grown adults.

RandomButtons · 06/10/2023 22:13

sleepysimbaa · 06/10/2023 14:31

Cold type sickness.

My teenage family member died from a cold type sickness that turned into sepsis over the course of 12 hours.

Not you circus not your monkeys. Butt out.

Lastchancechica · 06/10/2023 22:14

Everyone needs to be taken care of time to time whether the issue is physical or emotional. Good parents respond to their children, they know the difference between a sore throat and full blown
covid, a bad day and clinical depression.

ShellySarah · 06/10/2023 22:17

I once had a trainee solicitor of 26 years old come into my office and say she was ill with a fever...she was a little warm as she had what sounded like a cold. 111 had suggested she go to A&E and she was going.

Also she's not been eating well as her parents are abroad and she is having to fend for herself.

That 15 yo will turn into an adult like this

Lastchancechica · 06/10/2023 22:18

ShellySarah · 06/10/2023 22:17

I once had a trainee solicitor of 26 years old come into my office and say she was ill with a fever...she was a little warm as she had what sounded like a cold. 111 had suggested she go to A&E and she was going.

Also she's not been eating well as her parents are abroad and she is having to fend for herself.

That 15 yo will turn into an adult like this

Just stop.

Itrymybestyesido · 06/10/2023 22:28

I say you have no idea why your colleague needed to stay home. Could have been one of a million legitimate reasons that you didn't need to know the details of.

dogsinthesky · 06/10/2023 22:29

I'd probably want to be home to oversee my own child 15 or not. They are a child!