To think you don’t need to stay home to look after a 15 year old?

[sleepysimbaa]

Colleague was suppose to be in the office yesterday as we had a presentation to give. Their excuse was their child isn’t well and said child is 15.

They made a joke today that said child asked if their friend could come over as they weren’t feeling well either.

(child doesn’t have additional needs)

It’s getting a bit tedious now. People here are never backward about offering their version of the blunt truth to posters, but none of them feel the need to create a brand out of it. This is the sort of thing that boring people do in lieu of a personality. I’d give it a rest if I were you. Or at least ask for some tweaks to your software.

Don't assume you know everything about the people involved. My 15yo I would not cope with this. None of the people I work with know what I deal with outside work. If your colleague is normally reliable and hardworking consider trusting their judgement.

Unless you know the full story it’s hard to judge. On the face of it a 15 year old with a cold shouldn’t need a parent at home but there could be any number of reasons why it’s not as simple, eg

• not actually a cold but she’s using that as a reason because she doesn’t want to pry
• the individual has a condition that can be exacerbated by other illness making it more serious
• the individual has major anxiety re being home alone for long periods.

or she could be taking the piss a bit.

You may never know so if you like your colleague and generally get on with her, perhaps just let this one go.

I picked up my teenager from school (came out of work)
Left on the couch with a water bottle and painkillers. Went back to work. Kept my phone on my desk. You aren’t unreasonable at all

If it really was just a cold then I’d happily leave a 15 year old to get on with it but I remember a few years back a friend and colleague took a few days off because her 14 year old had a ‘cold’. What I knew and no one else did, is that actually her daughter had been self harming to the point that she’d needed stitches and was in such a state that she couldn’t be left alone.
You never really know what is going on in other people’s lives.

Depends. Normally I would say DD is perfectly able to be on her own with a cold but:

She can get dizzy and we had a near fall down the stairs once. Our sofa downstairs is not suitable to be on a whole day.

When she coughs she can easily throw up, there is a reason she has a bowl in her room 24/7 when she has a cold. Not really nice to sort that out when you are ill.

Therefore we wfh if she is off school. If one of us has a meeting, the other takes over.

If I was 15 I think I’d like someone checking in, dropping me in food and I don’t think at that age I’d be getting my own medecine so yes I’d expect an adult should stay with them. People always say it’s fine to do x or y but in real life you’re a parent, you parent when you can, making sure your child is ok when sick is a part of that. It doesn’t have to be a big ‘what if they die’ thing, it’s literally just you watch your children when at all possible.

I would assume mental health issues. Very common at this age and usually requires parental and medical intervention.

I agree!

There’s another thread running about a mum taking leave for her sick baby, and while the general question is different (the other focusing more on parents sharing), there are some similarities and both threads lead me to think we should all mind our own business. We just don’t know what is happening in anyone’s family.

At 15, you couldn't make your own toast/sandwich and take medicine without adult supervision? I wouldn't say that's typical.

If I was sick enough to be completely bed bound I would most likely be asleep anyway.

It would have to be extreme for me to take time off.

How about cutting someone else some slack and trust that their work ethic at least matches yours?

Most parents avoid taking any time off, wishing to save the goodwill for a serious emergency. This is my experience. They are very unlikely to take random, unnecessary time off knowing the next bout of D&V is always around the corner. If a parent is taking time off for a child with a ‘cold’ surely most people would have the emotional intelligence to read between the lines

I have a friend who won't leave her 15 year old alone in the house even for a minute. Seriously, if she pops out for 5 minutes just to post a letter she takes her daughter. She works as a lunchtime supervisor for one hour a day and when her daughter was off school for a training day she took the daughter to work with her. Couldn't leave her for an hour!
The daughter is perfectly sensible and mature. It's just that some parents are excessively over-protective.

How do you know the teen doesn’t seriously self harm?

Or maybe they had an awful house burglary. There will be a solid reason.

Lemsip also stands for Laboratory for Experimental Medicine and Surgery in Primates

FunConspiracyTheoriesAsIOnceDreamedOfBreakingThePanamaPapersStoryOrRunningAPithyNoNonsenseAskAmyStyleAdviceColumnButNowDwellOnMumsnet

It’s none of your business Op.

YABU

Most of the time my 15yo would be absolutely fine alone.

But if I’m worried that it’s more than a simple cold or stomach bug, then I’ll take the day off.

I don’t care about missing work.
My child will always come first and I’d never risk leaving her alone if there’s a chance she could get worse.

What a weirdo.

Good point but I really think it's just the mum being overprotective. She's an extremely anxious person. She's the same with her other child (a boy of 13). Doesn't let them walk to school without her (5 minutes down the road). She babies them in many ways - for example, she was quite put out when they wanted to start showering themselves a couple of years ago!

I’d assume mental health problems? It’s supposed to be more common among teenagers since Covid?

I’m not sure it’s your business. It’s your colleagues decision and for your boss to manage. I get it might have inconvenienced you if you had to help cover her work but you just have to get on with it.

Line managers problem, not yours. Maybe there’s something else going on, she’s told line manager the truth but doesn’t want her nosy colleagues involving themselves, so just said “a cold.”

I had to take a week of parental leave a few months back due to an overdose by one of my dc. They were in hospital for 5 days. My line manager knows this however for the purposes of not wanting my life gossiped about by all and sundry at work she sent an email to my immediate team letting them know I would be off for a week.
No one knows why I was really off, if they thought I was looking after an older child with a cold I’d hope they had enough sense to read between the lines and drop it.
For the typical teen, no, a cold alone doesn’t warrant an adult not working for a whole day to bring tissues and make soup.
You might have more of a workload because of what’s happening but if that’s it, be thankful that your life might not be as shit as hers at the moment.

I’m sorry to hear this, @TheChosenTwo. I’m glad your employer was supportive and colleagues had the emotional intelligence not to pry or make judgements. This a prime example of why people should just mind their own business. OP, please take note.

I certainly wouldn't need to stay home to look after MY child when he was 15, but everyone is unique and perhaps there are circumstances you don't know about - maybe the child is having serious issues (poor mental health, self harm just as examples) that the parent didn't feel it was safe to leave them alone. Of course they are under no obligation to tell you or anyone else the real reason if it wasn't just a cold.

Oh I am so sorry - what an absolute nightmare. I hope your dc is in a better place now and you are receiving lots of support from everyone around you.

The very last thing you need is to be the topic of office gossip. I do hope things are much better for you 💐