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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cost of living. I'm having a meltdown tonight.

675 replies

TwentyTwenty20 · 05/10/2023 21:09

I put my heating on for an hour or so this morning because I forgot to dry my son's school uniform, and my landlord won't let me install a tumble dryer. It cost me an extra £2. I didn't put my heating on until January last year. We lived under the duvet until then. I got my son changed under the covers. I used to just get in the bath and stay there in the evening to keep warm. I'm a lone parent, I take home £2100 a month and get £140 UC, £96 child benefit. My rent is £1000 a month. Council tax £150 with SP discount. Electric, gas, petrol, car insurance, Internet, school uniform, food, life insurance, water bills, £130 on before and after school clubs so I can work, then there's failed MOT which I had to put on a credit card which I'm paying off, tv license, phone bill etc. Then there's life and scraping by so my son can continue his gymnastics hes been doing since he was 2. Council is awful and you can't apply for any of the cost of living stuff unless they have 'identified you'. I've done income and expenditure with a professional and they've said I've pretty much cut back as far as I can. They fine tooth combed my bank statements. How is the amount I make not enough? I have applied for 6 cheaper houses in the last month and none will rent to me. I'm 400 and something on the list for council housing. 10 years ago I was on 18k a year and comfortable and saving.

Will this ever get better? That's a genuine question because I can do all the cutting back I can but if I keep getting knocked back for cheaper housing and higher paid jobs I just don't know how I will go on. It is no life and I don't enjoy getting out of bed in the morning anymore.

OP posts:
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17
paranoidnamechanger · 05/10/2023 22:58

Babyroobs · 05/10/2023 22:32

I think it's because it doesn't affect most people. There are huge amounts of people ( you only have to read some threads on MN) who are landlords themselves so are benefitting from rising rents, millions who own their own homes, many owning outright. Many won't care enough about those struggling to protest or to vote accordingly, hence why the housing situation has spiraled so out of control already.

Show quote history

I agree. Some people's comfortable lifestyles over the last couple of years have stayed the same or improved, and the perhaps unpalatable truth is that most people don't give a shit about strangers.

As OP can't get a better job or cheaper home, I think the only answer is pooling her resources with someone else, as already suggested. It's just so, so hard running a household and supporting kids on one income. Living in a shared house as well, maybe just with one or two other people, could also work (much less than ideal I know living with strangers but maybe it could be OK for a year or so).

EarthSight · 05/10/2023 22:59

ChristmasCrumpet · 05/10/2023 21:44

£1000 rent is a lot.

How big is your home OP?

That's quite normal even in the cheaper parts of the U.K, where a 2 bedroom, unremarkable or small house would be £900 - £1100 or more. It's crazy.

wonkymonkey · 05/10/2023 22:59

I know this is a drop in the ocean but Lebara do a £5 a month mobile deal at the moment. 1000 minutes and 5GB. They use the Vodafone network so ought to be reliable but I’ve not used them so can’t personally vouch for them.

Lizzt2007 · 05/10/2023 23:01

Tumble dryers don't need 'plumbing in'. If you get a condenser dryer you can literally plug them in anywhere, it doesn't need to be in the kitchen. Put it in the dining room. Condenser dryers have a water collector that you empty. I know you're getting uc op but it would be worth checking that you're also getting council tax benefit included in that, your uc does seem quite low, especially with rent and childcare costs included.

Emeraldrings · 05/10/2023 23:02

Babyroobs · 05/10/2023 21:29

Part of the problem is that the local housing allowances that UC base their UC rent element on are often no-where near the actual rent that people are paying. It's fine if you're in social housing they pay the full amount ( unless you have extra bedroom ) and rent substantially lower anyway. People in extortionate private rentals are basically the ones suffering.

Where do you live? We live in social housing and pay full rent and while it's cheaper than private rental, it's not that much cheaper.
I get it OP. We stupidly claimed free hours for our DS which means we no longer get tax credits for our eldest. So no extra help with bills this year.
Everything is so expensive. I hate shopping. Years ago DH and I were on benefits and used to go without eating so DD could. Now we're both working but we've had to do this a couple of times already.
Surely prices can't go on like this. Sorry I can't offer any advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

loreau · 05/10/2023 23:02

3 ideas:

  1. You need to find a job that pays more. All your expenses have gone up. Your salary needs to match this.
  2. Could you turn the dining room into an extra bedroom and get a lodger? Up to 7k tax free
  3. Can you find another single parent to rent a place together? Might help to share expenses. Try local single parent groups
MeMySonAnd1 · 05/10/2023 23:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

A failed MOT can result in £1000s of repairs needed but even if not, when you are living hand to mouth, a £500 bill can get the family’s finances wrecked for years to come (if it goes into credit cards they then cannot afford to pay in full)

shellyleppard · 05/10/2023 23:03

Ask the citizens advice bureau for a benefits check??? Is your housing benefits included in the universal credit amount x its not easy just now. A lot of places are doing heated clothes airers for £40 , might work out cheaper than putting the heating on x luck x

Pussygaloregalapagos · 05/10/2023 23:05

Don’t get a tumble dryer. It will cost a lot and cost a lot to run. Can you use a launderette to dry clothes once a week?

Alphyn · 05/10/2023 23:05

OP, you’re doing the right thing by paying off the credit card debt - definitely don’t just pay off the minimum as the compound interest will make things 10x worse! In terms of outgoings, once the credit card debt and loan are settled, you will have more of a buffer so this is temporary.

If you’re able to make up the 40 hours in the evenings, that sounds like your job allows working from home to some extent. Would you be able to WFH to cut down fuel consumption? It does mean using more utilities at home but you could use an electric poncho wrap / similar instead of turning up the heating.

Alternatively, could you use public transport more? Your car-related costs seem quite significant.

Mammajay · 05/10/2023 23:07

It will get better. Things have been very bad for most people generally but on top of that you have had to leave a bad relationship. Give your little boy a special hug in the morning.

Cornishclio · 05/10/2023 23:16

Looking at your outgoings the only thing I can suggest is you pay the car insurance yearly upfront using a 0% credit card and then pay off monthly assuming you do not have savings to cover it. There is a huge premium for paying car insurance monthly. When does the loan for the court costs finish? Is it possible to get it restructured as your rent has gone up by so much? I know cancelling your sons gymnastics is not something you want to do but he is 4, he can survive without it and if it is a choice between that and rent/food then that will help plug the gap. Alternatively use the money to do a nice day trip out once a month for both of you.

A heated airer could solve the drying clothes problem. My daughter swears by hers to dry the kids uniforms.

The reason people are not moaning about rent increases is because probably mumsnet is primarily homeowners and maybe if they are on fixed mortgages they have not yet had to cope with higher monthly repayments. Landlords I assume are passing their increased mortgage repayments to their tenants and of course now they are taxed on rent too. The housing situation in this country is disgraceful. Almost half your income going on rent is why you are struggling and your ex not contributing.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/10/2023 23:16

@TwentyTwenty20 I do really feel for you - my 25 year old son flatshares in London with 1 other- he's on 35k but I still frequently have to help him out as his flat isn't 'bills included' - he gets by but no money for saving or much socialising.

theduchessofspork · 05/10/2023 23:21

Apologies if someone already said this but could you contact step change and have them organise reduced debt repayments for you, while freezing the actual debts.

MeMySonAnd1 · 05/10/2023 23:21

Chipperfish · 05/10/2023 22:39

I know this is a monetary outlay but have you considered using a dehumidifier to help dry clothes over the winter rather than trying to get a dryer? They are portable, very cheap to run and absorb moisture from the air while producing a small amount of heat so theres a dual benefit to the power used. I used one when stuck in a similar situation (Inefficiently insulated Victorian flat with no space or option for a dryer) and it was surprisingly good - used to set it up overnight in a small room with the clothes on a rack, and the door closed, and in the morning the clothes would be dry and the room heated enough that it was pleasant to get dressed in there, and drying washing didn't cause humidity problems in the house. Cost is about 100 to 200 but they are really energy efficient and your landlord could not complain in any way about it,
https://www.idealhome.co.uk/property-advice/how-much-does-it-cost-to-run-a-dehumidifier-298272

As for the rest of it, its shit, and I can understand your frustration.

I second this big time, they also help with your heating: the dryer / less humid your house is the less cold the house feels.

Before I got the dehumidifier my house was freezing at 17 degrees, I was working with several layers on and a hot water bottle on my lap, while now I can manage to keep warm at 17 with just a jumper because the more balanced level of humidity.
if you turn the central heating down your house doesn’t have a chance to dry and becomes much more difficult to heat.

Having said all that, drying the house at that level cannot be done with a small 1-3 LTR dehumidifier, you need a 10-20 LTR ones depending on the size of your house.

I have two high capacity dehumidifiers, one was about £250, the second is equally good but II managed to get it for £10 in Facebook marketplace.

theduchessofspork · 05/10/2023 23:22

Heated drier also - the one with the tent cover

Verbena17 · 05/10/2023 23:24

Pussygaloregalapagos · 05/10/2023 23:05

Don’t get a tumble dryer. It will cost a lot and cost a lot to run. Can you use a launderette to dry clothes once a week?

It’s about £1 a cycle so Martin Lewis said. If the op only used it sparingly, it might make her life a lot easier.

sadaboutmycat · 05/10/2023 23:25

TheBluntTruth · 05/10/2023 21:43

I think the blunt truth here is £1000 a month rent is extortionate! Where in the UK do you live to be paying prices like that? Is there any way you could relocate to an area cheaper in terms of property rent costs?

Sadly I don’t think it’s going to get any better so drastic action and decisions are needed in my opinion in order to survive. It seems almost pointless offering advice as you’ve clearly sought all the right advice. I’d maybe cut back on paying the tv license - just lie and say you only watch Netflix and then you won’t need a license. £130 seems excessive on clubs - is there no one else available to help so you can cut back on that? The only other thing is that £1,000 rent. I relocated from the south coast 400 miles north to Lancashire just so I could save myself £500 a month on rental costs… but appreciate you might not have the ability to make changes as drastic as that.

Just remember, life abroad is much better. Don’t ever forget that as an option either. We’re all in this so feel your pain entirely.

TheBluntTruth

It really isn't. I'm in Nottm, £900 pcm. Saw one today in Mansfield Woodhouse, small ex mining town with little going for it, £975.

WideLegPant · 05/10/2023 23:28

Would also recommend getting a dehumidifier and shutting the doors with it in a room with your washing. Don't leave it on all night or anything though.

Canisaysomething · 05/10/2023 23:32

Love the “find a job that pays more” or “maximise your earning potential” comments 😂. It’s like telling someone to just get more money! If it was that easy then the cost of living crisis wouldn’t be happening.

letspopthekettleon · 05/10/2023 23:32

Are you using the gov tax free account for childcare like after school clubs?

Dumbles · 05/10/2023 23:35

Just thinking on your Ex. Would you consider doing either of these:
a) contact the friend with the garage he works for and tell him if your ex doesn’t start paying you a fair amount of maintenance you will be reporting his garage for tax evasion. Slightly risky option depending on how crazy these people are and any retailiation

b) skip step a and just report his garage for tax evasion anonymously. If HMRC do investigate potentially they might redo your ex’s income tax calcs for previous years and you might benefit from higher maintenance (perhaps even backdated?). Expect this option will take a lot longer to receive anything but worth doing anyway.

Cheetah7 · 05/10/2023 23:47

Check whether you get any insurance co er / breakdown cover included with your bank account. Many people (me included) do not realise they have packaged bank accounts that include perks like breakdown cover. You could Speak to your bank or look into consolidating the card and loan debt into one payment it might be over a longer period but it could give you some breathing space you’d need to consider the interest rates you are paying compared on what on offer . You can also speak you your insurance companies card / loan about support options during financial difficulty. For example The insurance company can reassess the cover you have might be able to allow a payment break or temporarily reduce your premiums which you could use to pay off the card.

Statice · 05/10/2023 23:49

TwentyTwenty20 · 05/10/2023 21:50

Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, lounge, small dining room, two bedrooms, small garden. My rent was £800, my landlord put it up by £300, I didn't move because nobody would rent to me, and the council told me I would probably be in a hotel or b&b for a 'significant period' if I got evicted.

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Greedy landlord. Bet any increase in their mortgage wasn’t as much as £300 a month.