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Original poster

Cost of living. I'm having a meltdown tonight.

675 replies

TwentyTwenty20 · 05/10/2023 21:09

I put my heating on for an hour or so this morning because I forgot to dry my son's school uniform, and my landlord won't let me install a tumble dryer. It cost me an extra £2. I didn't put my heating on until January last year. We lived under the duvet until then. I got my son changed under the covers. I used to just get in the bath and stay there in the evening to keep warm. I'm a lone parent, I take home £2100 a month and get £140 UC, £96 child benefit. My rent is £1000 a month. Council tax £150 with SP discount. Electric, gas, petrol, car insurance, Internet, school uniform, food, life insurance, water bills, £130 on before and after school clubs so I can work, then there's failed MOT which I had to put on a credit card which I'm paying off, tv license, phone bill etc. Then there's life and scraping by so my son can continue his gymnastics hes been doing since he was 2. Council is awful and you can't apply for any of the cost of living stuff unless they have 'identified you'. I've done income and expenditure with a professional and they've said I've pretty much cut back as far as I can. They fine tooth combed my bank statements. How is the amount I make not enough? I have applied for 6 cheaper houses in the last month and none will rent to me. I'm 400 and something on the list for council housing. 10 years ago I was on 18k a year and comfortable and saving.

Will this ever get better? That's a genuine question because I can do all the cutting back I can but if I keep getting knocked back for cheaper housing and higher paid jobs I just don't know how I will go on. It is no life and I don't enjoy getting out of bed in the morning anymore.

OP posts:
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17
saffy2 · 08/10/2023 08:09

kamboozled · 07/10/2023 22:59

@SequentialAnalyst

People don't need a shower every single day.

I'm sorry but that's basic hygiene. I've never heard of someone not showering at least once a day before

Also it heats the body

I don’t shower every day, now you’ve heard of one ☺️ I am clean, and I don’t smell. It’s true you really don’t need to shower every day, it is a waste of water, a waste of gas and a waste of toiletries AND it’s drying for your skin. 👍🏼

BarbaraofSeville · 08/10/2023 08:13

Same here @saffy2

And it's clearly ridiculous to say things like 'I've never heard of someone not showering at least once a day before' because how could anyone possibly know that?

saffy2 · 08/10/2023 08:13

kamboozled · 08/10/2023 00:27

@TeenLifeMum

3/4 of Britons shower everyday, 1/4 don't. I appreciate it's a sizeable minority but it's just that, a minority. Also my husband has eczema so it's necessary for him to shower daily.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/nov/27/one-in-four-britons-dont-shower-every-day-the-rest-arent-doing-it-right

@SequentialAnalyst I'm really sorry but I think the older generation who did this smell

Anyway I guess we'll have to agree to disagree that I don't think showering everyday is something that should be cut

Your husband has eczema so it’s necessary for him to shower daily, that’s the exact opposite of medical advice with eczema!! Both my children and my self have eczema and you must keep the skin moisturised. Water dries out the skin (that’s a fact!). I’m baffled by your post! All three of us and everyone else I know with eczema (it’s quite a community) feel pain during and after showering because water dries the skin so much.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:14

It's horrible.

As a single parent in the 1990s, money was tight, but nothing like as bad as it is today ....this level of financial hardship has not been widespread for a very long time.

My heart goes out to you.

It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can do. Have you checked to see if your fuel provider does grants to clear any fuel debts? Are there any charities (or your fuel provider) who can come out and assess your home. put in draught-proofing and provide an energy saving pack? Here in Bradford, people can get energy packs (includes a blanket and a hot water bottle) and Octopus (my energy provider) gives out electric blankets from time to time.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:15

Back in the 70s, we had a bath once a week and washes the rest of the week (eughh!).

I think most people want a daily shower now, hygiene norms have changed since then!

Craycraycatbaby · 08/10/2023 08:17

You're basically on the same income as me and our outgoings are also pretty much exactly the same apart from I don't have the debt but do pay for insurance for my 2 cats, food, vets etc, and I do get child maintenance.

You should be entitled to your childcare back from universal credit. I pay £52 a week for breakfast and after-school club and get most of that back. You should be able to find the code they need on the school website, if not just ask at the school and they'll be able to give it to you!

Luddite26 · 08/10/2023 08:18

Just in case have you checked you are on the right tax code.

I know it shouldn't come to this but is there anything you could do as a side hustle with dc - babysitting/ cleaning/ironing I know there may be set backs with it like expenses incurred but you cannot cut back any more really. Except try and change your broadband.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 08/10/2023 08:18

saffy2 · 08/10/2023 08:13

Your husband has eczema so it’s necessary for him to shower daily, that’s the exact opposite of medical advice with eczema!! Both my children and my self have eczema and you must keep the skin moisturised. Water dries out the skin (that’s a fact!). I’m baffled by your post! All three of us and everyone else I know with eczema (it’s quite a community) feel pain during and after showering because water dries the skin so much.

Show quote history

It depends on the eczema. Bacteria and fungi on the skin can infect lesions if allowed to grow too much. My eczematic uncle had to bathe daily with special soap (coal tar?) and then also use moisturiser all over because he needed to both kill germs and avoid drying out.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:19

saffy2 · 08/10/2023 08:13

Your husband has eczema so it’s necessary for him to shower daily, that’s the exact opposite of medical advice with eczema!! Both my children and my self have eczema and you must keep the skin moisturised. Water dries out the skin (that’s a fact!). I’m baffled by your post! All three of us and everyone else I know with eczema (it’s quite a community) feel pain during and after showering because water dries the skin so much.

Show quote history

I've had eczema all my life. It isn't a reason to skimp on personal hygiene. I use an emoillent wash in the shower, and moisturise thoroughly afterwards.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:20

Luddite26 · 08/10/2023 08:18

Just in case have you checked you are on the right tax code.

I know it shouldn't come to this but is there anything you could do as a side hustle with dc - babysitting/ cleaning/ironing I know there may be set backs with it like expenses incurred but you cannot cut back any more really. Except try and change your broadband.

There are now social broadband tarriffs.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:36

UsernamenotavailableBob · 05/10/2023 21:49

I wanted to start a similar thread, my take home is similar to yours but I have a mortgage so no UC. I have £700 left after essential bills, with food only shops coming in at £90 a week and "need all the cleaning stuff" shops adding a further £40, there isn't a lot of wiggle room for emergencies. £300 after food. From that the car needs fuel - £70, the kids have a growth spurt and need new shoes £30 a pair, oh look school wants some money too and that's without things like TV licence, service and MOT, hair cuts, trip to the dentist, glasses etc.

On paper it's a good sum to take home, but it's a sum that excludes you from any kind of help. I heard someone say it's expensive being single. It really is!

Edited to add my mortgage is cheaper than rent but I'm realising I can't afford to work.

Edited

Food is so expensive now! I'm not sure how many kids you have, but £90 sounds a lot for a weekly food shop (excluding cleaning stuff). You are probably already doing this, but just in case it might help someone: yellow stickers can be a God send, and a freezer can be worth the electric if you batch cook and freeze stuff. Frozen veg also keeps very well and avoids waste, and is (for now!) relatively cheap. Lentils are still cheap and can be used to pad out any meal that uses mince. Poor man's roast dinner - use chicken legs (can get a large pack of frozen drumsticks relatively cheaply). Or buy a chicken, roast it, have roast dinner, use leftovers for a pie/sandwiches/bubble and squeak the next day, boil the carcass to make your own freezeable stock. Aldi and Lidl are both cheaper than other supermarkets and regularly do 'big six' veg offers.....Lidl and Morrisons both do veg boxes.

Cleaning - rather than buy a gazillion different products, it can be cheaper to buy one or two and use them everywhere. And pound shop brands can be just as effective....I use a bottle of Stardrops and cloths (rather than wipes) both both kitchen and bathroom, and then go over it with Zoflora disinfectant.

Laundry - supermarket own brands can be just as effective and a lot cheaper than the big names. Powder actually is cheaper, better for the machine and works just as well as liquid provided you don't use too much of it - stick to the dose on the box. Ordinary bio powder is great for whites, and colour powder (which does not have bleaching agents) is great for everything else. I get mine from Lidl but most supermarkets do cheap own brand powder.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:38

TheBluntTruth · 05/10/2023 21:43

I think the blunt truth here is £1000 a month rent is extortionate! Where in the UK do you live to be paying prices like that? Is there any way you could relocate to an area cheaper in terms of property rent costs?

Sadly I don’t think it’s going to get any better so drastic action and decisions are needed in my opinion in order to survive. It seems almost pointless offering advice as you’ve clearly sought all the right advice. I’d maybe cut back on paying the tv license - just lie and say you only watch Netflix and then you won’t need a license. £130 seems excessive on clubs - is there no one else available to help so you can cut back on that? The only other thing is that £1,000 rent. I relocated from the south coast 400 miles north to Lancashire just so I could save myself £500 a month on rental costs… but appreciate you might not have the ability to make changes as drastic as that.

Just remember, life abroad is much better. Don’t ever forget that as an option either. We’re all in this so feel your pain entirely.

TheBluntTruth

Unfortunately rents are extortionate in London and the South!

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:51

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 05/10/2023 22:22

Is the life insurance really worth having? I don't have it, although I lack children. Unless the payout would make DS's life noticeably better after your death, scrap it.

I have a Co-wheels account at £5/month instead of breakdown cover. It lets me hire a car by the hour if mine is undriveable. I had breakdown cover and when I actually needed it, the time estimate for the patrol to arrive was so long that I ended up walking to a local garage and asking them to come to my car with me. I might as well have hired the nearest Co-wheels car from my phone and taken a bus to where it was to resume my day.

Show quote history

I think that life insurance is worth it if you are a single parent, and if the worst happened, your child might end up with family who would need money to support them.

The only thing on the list that made me wonder - Council Tax - have you applied for a DHP to clear CT debt and maybe cover your CT for a while?

Luddite26 · 08/10/2023 08:51

Yes that's what I meant but I wasn't sure if you can change mid contract.

PrimoPiatti · 08/10/2023 08:54

You have my utmost sympathy, not that that helps. You are one of the working poor, the vast tranche of workers who pour profit after profit into the coffers of the vulture capitalist play mates of the organised crime syndicate currently masquerading as a government. The only thing I can suggest is that you pray they are gone soon. Once they are gone, things will slowly get better. There is hope.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:55

Verbena17 · 05/10/2023 22:32

Do you have a shed or garage? A tumble drier (as long as there’s power) can go outside.

Show quote history

A tumble dryer does not need plumbing, you just plug it in to the socket. If it is a condenser, there is a container in it that will collect water and need to be emptied from time to time.

That said, tumble dryers are expensive to run.

A cheaper to run alternative might be a heater clothes dryer. I think Lakeland do them. You might get one on ebay or Facebook marketplace second hand.

Luddite26 · 08/10/2023 08:55

If you are shopping at Aldi/Lidl this is covered no need to go to pound shops which aren't cheaper ml for ml and time consuming. Aldi cleaning stuff often rates best.

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 09:01

Pussygaloregalapagos · 05/10/2023 23:05

Don’t get a tumble dryer. It will cost a lot and cost a lot to run. Can you use a launderette to dry clothes once a week?

Laundrette's are ridiculously expensive. Even running a tumble dryer would be significantly cheaper.

Delsmum23 · 08/10/2023 09:04

I was a single parent for years so I know how hard it is, money doesn't spread very far when you're trying to pay travel costs, childcare etc however your universal credit doesn't seem right. My partner earns the same as you and I work part time earning around £600 a month. Our rent is £700 and we get between 400-500 per month with our universal credit. We do have 2 children so entitlement will be higher with 2 and as a couple but as a whole your earnings are less and your rent is more.

I'd follow up on people's advice, check the calculators and definitely claim back childcare costs if you haven't already.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 08/10/2023 09:08

I’m so sorry things are so shit for you OP. I totally get it, although we’re a 2 wage family we are also in the shit and this crisis have cause a relapse in my eating disorder it’s so bad. It’s insane that people are having to consider sex work just to get by. I’ve also considered something like Only Fans and the only reason I haven’t is that I work with criminals so it would be dangerous for me!

Delsmum23 · 08/10/2023 09:08

Sorry If this has already been suggested.
We got a dehumidifier last year with a laundry setting and it's a game changer. Doesn't dry the clothes as fast as a tumble dryer but if you leave it on over night the clothes will definitely dry and it's so much cheaper than a tumble dryer/heating, also less risk of damp

saffy2 · 08/10/2023 09:10

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 08:19

I've had eczema all my life. It isn't a reason to skimp on personal hygiene. I use an emoillent wash in the shower, and moisturise thoroughly afterwards.

Show quote history

😂🤦🏽‍♀️ no insults necessary. I’m perfectly hygienic and it is unnecessary to shower daily, with or without eczema. 👍🏼

Meeziemee · 08/10/2023 09:10

BabyFireflyx · 06/10/2023 01:41

I’m a lone parent private renting on UC. I don’t put the heating on at all. Didn’t last winter, won't this one either. I’m crippled by the ridiculously excessive gas and electricity bills anyway using hardly anything. I do let DD use a fan heater to dry off after morning showers in the winter but don’t use it myself. We have plenty of warm fluffy style pyjamas and "oodie" Primark things to layer on as needed. Loads of fluffy blankets and teddy bear bedding. Neither of us are left cold.
There are ways around everything.
DD got into Grammar school, I raided the second hand sale by being first to arrive at the induction evening.
I save every penny I can every month (which is less and less every month now) to ensure an emergency contingency plan just in case we're ever stuck.
I am incredibly strict with money. Birthdays and Christmases are sorted months in advance.
There is always a way. You just have to think around every scenario you have and what might happen, pinch every penny everywhere you can. Make sure you're getting all support you're entitled to.
We're Mums. We take the flak and power through.

Fan heaters eat electricity! It would probably be cheaper to put your central heating on for half an hour instead?

saffy2 · 08/10/2023 09:11

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 08/10/2023 08:18

It depends on the eczema. Bacteria and fungi on the skin can infect lesions if allowed to grow too much. My eczematic uncle had to bathe daily with special soap (coal tar?) and then also use moisturiser all over because he needed to both kill germs and avoid drying out.

Edited
Show quote history

Ah yes I’ve heard of that soap I think. Interesting.

Darhon · 08/10/2023 09:14

Delsmum23 · 08/10/2023 09:08

Sorry If this has already been suggested.
We got a dehumidifier last year with a laundry setting and it's a game changer. Doesn't dry the clothes as fast as a tumble dryer but if you leave it on over night the clothes will definitely dry and it's so much cheaper than a tumble dryer/heating, also less risk of damp

in a very cold house in the dead of winter, leaving the dehumidifier on long enough to dry the clothes is actually really costly. Might be ok in better insulated houses - but they aren’t massively cost effective if you need them on a long time

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