To get a new identity and face and move to a new country?

[SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh]

Just that, really.

I went for a brunch with some Mums from my oldest's new class. I chose pancakes, a safe choice. Or so I thought.

They came with a cute little meringuy decoration on top. I started with that. I cut it in 2, put it my mouth and realised that it was butter. I looked up and made eye contact with one of the Mums. She looked slightly horrified. I had no choice but swallow.

I hesitated between eating the other half like a boss while maintaining eye contact and praying that things don't start to slide down or up before the end of th e brunch or using the butter as mother nature had intended. I chose the latter (and still prayed)

The Mums are nice enough but they don't look like they would mix butter with meringue. I don't get out often.

I have no choice do I? We need to pack up and start a new life elsewhere?

You are one vile individual. I’ve just read what you posted on a thread where another user of Mumsnet is clearly upset. I hope they ban you.

I wonder does s/he think when people say "I wished the ground would open up and swallow me" that they literally mean that ... does s/he give them lectures on the geological unlikelihood of such a phenomenon and tell them off for overreacting and wanting to die horribly.

Gilbert Markham

Really?

Are you a bot? I struggle to think someone could be so crass in real life.

Are we all signing our posts now?

Surprise! It's me, Horsey Neigh Neigh.

Ugh.

They’ve been posting on lots of threads with their “wisdom”.

Hahaha!

I met my brand new colleagues in a beer garden. Was really enjoying the texture of the wood, rubbing my fingers up and down, all over it. When I looked down it was in fact dried bird shit.

Tbh, that's sadder than eating butter..

The exclamation mark gives that nuance that the username does not.

Years ago my dad served himself up a portion of cheesecake , with a few spoonfuls of salad , inspite of my mum hissing at him cheesecake is not a savoury. He wouldn't believe her ( it's cheese , innit ! )
Sat down and ate it.

Clearly trying to make 'TheBluntTruth' happen. Bit tragic. Best ignored I reckon.

I always think the horse radish sauce stuff is bread sauce (which I love) at carveries .... Used to eat it by mistake ...now I don't but get immediately disappointed and irritated when I see it and know it's not bread sauce.

Haha! I’ve done this - was in a very fancy, dimly lit restaurant and thought the butter was a small bread roll… I picked it up and it squished all through my fingers (thankfully before I ate it). Look on date’s face was pretty priceless 😂

They must have been super generous on the butter portions! Everywhere I go, it seems to be tiny bits.

Last week I tried to kiss a colleague - I say a colleague, the poor fucker works for me

In my defence I was on my way to work and bumped into him in the street and I'd spent all weekend kissing 120 people at a massive party

So, it's Monday morning and it's 8am and my head still thinks I'm at the party

He called in sick today, the day he was due to see me in person again

Probably thinks I fancy him 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@TheBluntTruth it is very clear that the OP isn’t really intending to change her name and face and move abroad, it is a lighthearted thread about something mildly embarrassing.

MagentaRocks

I think the blunt truth here is that you don’t need to pack up and start a new life, but actually get out more and experience more of life. I’m 32 years old and have never been anywhere where they serve pancakes with meringue.

^^
Yeah op, you need to be more like this girl

😂😂💤

So I'm going to add my tuppence worth and say that I would always say pancakes are spongy deliciousness and crepes are thin, skinny, floppy crepes which don't fill you up unless you eat your own body weight in them. I'm from N Ireland though where we're frequently accused of American-ness by MN (Halloween and scallions). And pancakes with whipped butter are delicious.

Since @SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh maintained eye contact while eating the butter, then she wins and the other mum is probably just in awe (hence the continued eye contact).

"I would have instantly known it was butter as life experience tells me this is a traditionally British thing to serve with pancakes." Your life experience must suck when it comes to 'British' pancakes, because I haven't ever served them - or had them served to me - with butter on top. Lemon juice with sugar all the way, possibly occasionally maple syrup or chocolate sauce.

@SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh I've got top-notch photoshop skills and would be happy to help you with documentation to back-up your new identity once you've decided on a name and destination!😛

Fwiw I'm 41 and still have no clue what's going on

What is meringue?

First and foremost, eating lumps of butter is awesome and I will not hear any dissent on that matter.

As for the issue at hand, I think that emigration and a new identity is entirely sensible given that you only went in for a pancake but have accidentally ended up neck-deep in social horror. Alternatively, as my grandma often said, there’s always the Witness Protection Programme.

If it was me I’d pretend the whole thing had never happened. And by that, I mean I’d invite everyone who was present to reassemble at the same place, then order the pancakes again, then absent-mindedly say ‘Ooh I can’t remember the last time I had pancakes’ quite loudly to nobody in particular, then theatrically remove the butter from the top of them, and cheerfully tuck in whilst suggesting that ‘this is a really nice place. I wish I’d found it sooner. We should all maybe come back a second time one day.’

If you think that this won’t make them doubt their ‘memory’, you could make sure that they never mention the previous incident ever again by taking the discarded butter and smearing it all over your face and hair to give them something new to talk about. In for a penny, in for a pound (of delicious butter).

Top is meringues, bottom is whipped butter. Tell me I wasn't set up to fail...

I physically couldn't have swallowed it no matter who was looking at me 🤮

Some pp's on this thread seem to have suffered a catastrophic sense of humour failure. My view is that OP needs to book a seat on the next flight to Outer Mongolia 🤣🤣🤣