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Original poster

Free bacon butties for the dads - wtf!!

283 replies

PlumPudd · 05/10/2023 15:16

Someone posted this to a community WhatsApp group near me. What the hell?!? I thought it was a joke but apparently it’s a national initiative and happens in playgroups and churches all over the country!!

Free bacon butties for dads to incentivise aka bribe them into spending some of the weekend playing with their own kids!

Firstly, why should they be rewarded / bribed with bacon butties. It’s basic 101 parenting - looking after your own child who you helped to create at the weekend - nobody is giving mums anything to get them to spend the rest of the weekend with the kids.

Secondly, bacon butties for blokes?!?!? What sexist nonsense is this, is bacon too manly for women to handle? Is it the Yorkie bar of sandwich fillings. I bet if they were going to bribe / incentivise mums they wouldn’t give them bacon, they’d give them fondant fancies or face masks or something.

Lighthearted rant over… I know it’s good to encourage equal parenting etc but talk about setting a low bar

Free bacon butties for the dads - wtf!!
OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 05/10/2023 18:27

millymog11 · 05/10/2023 17:57

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 17:44

It is quite odd to me that a lot of posters on this thread seem to put obligations on organisations which are charities and where the funding comes from voluntary donations from the members of that charity (not from government) where there is precisely zero obligation on anyone anywhere to attend, and they react with

  • its not fair it is not offered to/open to women
  • it not fair that these people get offered [the kind of food i like][food generally][are allowed to drink hot drinks] and I am not offered these things
  • its not fair it is on a weekday why can't it be at the weekend, I work on weekdays
  • its not fair that it is on a weekend, the groups I am available to go to are on a weekday and i want something just for me on a weekend
  • its not fair that in order to attend I have to darken the doors of a church no less and I might hear or see the word Jesus whilst I am there which i find offensive
  • its not fair that the heating is on whilst they run these groups - have they not heard of climate change?
  • it not fair that it is offered to parents, i have struggled with infertility for years how insensitive of them
  • its not fair that it is only on during term time, don't they know that there is nothing for families to do during school holidays? how selfish of them to have a break during the school holidays
  • its not fair that they offer bacon, don't they know I am Jewish, I am vegetarian, I am vegan, I am on a strict keto diet so cannot eat the bread roll it comes in
  • it not fair that the kids can only come along if they are babies or toddlers, don't they know that my delinquent teenager is bored and is hungry for free bacon butties on a saturday morning?
  • why does the mother of my children get time off whilst i have to skulk in a horrible community hall/church hall on a saturday morning, don't they know i want to be sleeping off my hangover in bed? Are they deliberately trying to emasculate men? I think they are....!

Yes on reflection I think the people who put a lot of hard work into these free initiatives should give up. Someone is going to be offended.

Edited

I think for me, in regards to the groups when my dc were small it's that it was unfair.

Weds toddlers. 50p per family. Open to mums/dads/childminders/grandparents. Hot drink and a biscuit for the adults. This seemed to vary over time from being allowed a couple of biscuits to "one per person, a variety of biscuits to only rich tea because "they are fine", and for a few very odd weeks only breadsticks because someone decided they were healthier. Parents were expected to help tidy up/supervise the craft activity/ sing

Saturday toddlers. 50p per family. Only dads allowed, so mums who worked during the week couldn't go. Single mums couldn't go. Mums in same sex relationships couldn't go. Hot drinks and biscuits. And bacon sandwiches.

Food, drink and tidying up all done by women. IiRC what I was told at the time a mum (whos DC had outgrown the group) supervised the craft and lead the singing whilst the dads ate their butties.

JoinInBetty · 05/10/2023 18:30

Us ladies only nibble on a lettuce a leaf a day never a door step bacon buttie with ever so offending butter and sauce of your choice

Ameanstreakamilewide · 05/10/2023 18:36

PurpleMonkeys · 05/10/2023 15:20

Ide tofu...

For fuck sake phone.. when have I ever typed ide tofu in the 3 years I've had you?.

*Indentify

Ducking winker of a phone

😂😂😂

Georgyporky · 05/10/2023 18:37

Get all the Mums together, tell the wankers you all identify as male & demand your butties.

IdleAnimations · 05/10/2023 18:38

Georgyporky · 05/10/2023 18:37

Get all the Mums together, tell the wankers you all identify as male & demand your butties.

Or they could create their own group with the same offer instead of hating dads having one morning a bloody month.

HarpieDuJour · 05/10/2023 18:39

IslaWinds · 05/10/2023 17:15

The Methodist church up the road has one for mums- Wednesdays at 10am and it advertises free snacks and wine.

there is sexism in both when these are scheduled and in what is on offer as the enticement/bait.

I'd assume it's non-alcoholic wine if it's being offered by a Methodist church, so fair enough for a morning slot. Not my taste, but maybe it's popular there?

Findyourneutralspace · 05/10/2023 18:41

i can’t get worked up about this - a lot of blokes feel intimidated at toddler groups and a lot of dads only see their kids at weekend and don’t have much of a support network. Men’s mental health is a big concern.
Our toddler group used to have fantastic cakes for the mums (or the occasional dad who turned up once or twice).
I don’t know what else this organisation has on offer for the mums, but I’d have been happy if my kids’ dad had taken them to this on his weekends.

millymog11 · 05/10/2023 18:44

Millicent I take your point here this sounds a bit unbalanced.

Presumably the women who ran the men's group did it voluntarily in other words they did not have to run the craft/singing/clean up if they did not want to? (or even be involved if they did not want to).

I admit there might be places where the stereotypes are much more ingrained. But I still think the spirit of both groups dominated by women/mums and by the same token groups run for fathers like the one described - are primarily designed to get parents out of the house and give them a chance to socialise with other adults who are at the same point in life (young kids) in a space where the children are safe and can enjoy themselves.

There will always be the thorny issue of "you-are-still-responsible-for-your-child" messages, and I've known some people (men mainly but i am sure some women have done it at some point too) totally take the piss and literally try to "drop their kids off at the door, decline the bacon butty and say they will come back to collect after an hour or two". (!!!)

But the ones I have seen / observed on a saturday for Dads do not involve regimented play/craft activity as much a toys out for the kids and Dads are supposed to keep an eye whilst socialising and that is it.

Maybe to that extent it is sexist, I don't know. I still don't think the sexism of the attendees is the fault of the organisation which puts on the event.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 05/10/2023 19:07

PurpleMonkeys · 05/10/2023 15:20

Ide tofu...

For fuck sake phone.. when have I ever typed ide tofu in the 3 years I've had you?.

*Indentify

Ducking winker of a phone

I so want to use idetofu as a user name but my phone would mess that up too!

FixTheBone · 05/10/2023 19:15

Ffs it's one Saturday a month.

I think we should outlaw every single mum and toddler group, remove social structures for mums, and see how that affects people's attitudes to childcare....

Or, just encourage it for what it is, a way to try and engage dad's more.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/10/2023 19:19

It’s just the fact blokes get given something nicer than women ever get, isn’t it? And the fact that it’s something that needs preparing (by whom? Women?)

Women always get offered sweet stuff. I don’t like sweet stuff - I’m a vegetarian now but would have preferred a bacon sarnie back when I ate meat, or anything hot and savoury - so much nice than cake or biscuits!

Watsername · 05/10/2023 19:38

At our monthly dads group the helpers are men. Most are the people who attend the group, and those who have been through it and whose children are now too old to come (ie at university). Until recently the church leader in his 70s was the chef providing the refreshments.

KrisAkabusi · 05/10/2023 19:38

Georgyporky · 05/10/2023 18:37

Get all the Mums together, tell the wankers you all identify as male & demand your butties.

Men trying to get other men to socialise with their kids = wankers? Nice. No wonder this place is accused of hating men!

SplendidUtterly · 05/10/2023 19:50

Georgyporky · 05/10/2023 18:37

Get all the Mums together, tell the wankers you all identify as male & demand your butties.

This!

SootysCaravan · 05/10/2023 20:04

I hear you, OP. Mum’s pay £2 for a lukewarm cup of tea and Dad’s are plied with bacon sandwiches and unlimited biscuits to no charge.
Ruffled my feathers, which I put down to hormones, but here we are four years later and I’m still eye rolling!

mishmased · 05/10/2023 20:32

@PurpleMonkeys I was trying to work out what id tofu meant 🤣🤣🤣

Mikimoto · 05/10/2023 22:50

Georgyporky · 05/10/2023 18:37

Get all the Mums together, tell the wankers you all identify as male & demand your butties.

If you call them wankers, do you mind if they call you Karen?

AvocadotoastORahouse · 05/10/2023 23:04

Gosh, churches being patriarchal, sexist and giving something extra to men for just being men - who would ever have thought it Grin

SplendidUtterly · 06/10/2023 01:03

SootysCaravan · 05/10/2023 20:04

I hear you, OP. Mum’s pay £2 for a lukewarm cup of tea and Dad’s are plied with bacon sandwiches and unlimited biscuits to no charge.
Ruffled my feathers, which I put down to hormones, but here we are four years later and I’m still eye rolling!

It's not hormones.
I am eye rolling with you.
Funny part is most of the dads should be staying well away from the bacon butties. But it is what it is🤣

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/10/2023 01:51

Surely the issue here is that if women don't like the refreshments at their groups they should be asking for a change rather than demanding men DON'T get bacon at their groups???

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 06/10/2023 06:08

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/10/2023 01:51

Surely the issue here is that if women don't like the refreshments at their groups they should be asking for a change rather than demanding men DON'T get bacon at their groups???

There is a lot of gender stereotyping, social pressure and even shaming (or mild forms of social shunning) that tends to go on in many churches / church run groups and similar organisations. (Not all, I know. No need to tell me.)

I haven’t been back in church for about 12-15 years but I remember this quite clearly. And I’d be very surprised if it had completely changed since then.

I also remember that the women in charge (99% of volunteer work etc. was women lead) enforced this institutional sexism.

going into the details would take too long, but let’s just say that it was all very 1950s.

I understand that mothers who rely on these groups may be more cautious.
especially if it may lead to your child being (subtly) excluded, not invited to play dates etc.
and there are a lot of services offered (at greatly decreased costs) that many mothers - especially single mothers, also mothers who already struggle financially and or their MH etc. - rely on.

and there’s obviously also the issue of time and energy it would take to challenge these things.
or “simply” starting you own organisation.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 06/10/2023 06:09

But I am not against men (or anyone else) getting bacon 😂

good for them. And it sounds like a nice PR stunt to highlight daddy groups / father focused groups. Which is great IMO.

rwalker · 06/10/2023 06:47

Slightly off topic but relevant where I work 90% of workforce male

every now and again the have a push on engagement and staff morale

part of that was changing how we do team briefs
they did a questionnaire offered

pastries
pizza
bacon sandwich
nothing

as options
bacon sandwich was 1st and nothing Was 2nd

if I was organising this makes perfect sense to offer bacon sandwich

angsanana · 06/10/2023 06:53

My kids are teens now but I never went to a "mums" group. They were all called ridiculous things like bumblebabies and baby jamz and baby sensory and tumble tots.
Dads were few, but always welcomed.
There's no need to reward men for doing the basics.

KrisAkabusi · 06/10/2023 07:04

Dads were few, but always welcomed.
There's no need to reward men for doing the basics

Clearly there is!

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