Free bacon butties for the dads - wtf!!

[PlumPudd]

Someone posted this to a community WhatsApp group near me. What the hell?!? I thought it was a joke but apparently it’s a national initiative and happens in playgroups and churches all over the country!!

Free bacon butties for dads to incentivise aka bribe them into spending some of the weekend playing with their own kids!

Firstly, why should they be rewarded / bribed with bacon butties. It’s basic 101 parenting - looking after your own child who you helped to create at the weekend - nobody is giving mums anything to get them to spend the rest of the weekend with the kids.

Secondly, bacon butties for blokes?!?!? What sexist nonsense is this, is bacon too manly for women to handle? Is it the Yorkie bar of sandwich fillings. I bet if they were going to bribe / incentivise mums they wouldn’t give them bacon, they’d give them fondant fancies or face masks or something.

Lighthearted rant over… I know it’s good to encourage equal parenting etc but talk about setting a low bar

We have this at our church, and get volunteer men in to cook the bacon.
There are so many toddler groups etc which are mainly full of Mums that’s some Dads don’t feel comfortable. This is a group where the men can make other male friends and socialise, with the bonus of coffee and a bacon sarnie if they want one. It gives their wives/partners a lie in and morning off of child care.
We serve free drinks biscuits and cake to the daytime groups (mainly mums, some Dads, all welcome) too if that helps.

The community group in our village did a monthly Saturday morning Dad's and Toddler Group which included a butty from the local cafe.

My DP used to go with our little ones and come home with interesting craft things they'd made.

DP loved it cos he worked away in the week alot so this was time with the little ones chatting to other dads who he saw in later years at school events.

There was a team of women making them cuppas which used to make me raise eyebrows and ask "can't one of you do it?"

Be one of God's followers in exchange for a weekly bacon buttie... hmm, tempting.

A Methodist Church offering wine? At 10am?
That's highly unusual!

I do find it unfortunate that most / so many mum groups are on weekdays and incompatible with most FT-jobs (and many PT-jobs as well)...

But that depends on demand, I suppose... SAHM and many mothers that work PT may prefer or even need mummy groups on weekdays.

I think OP and PP need to give the group organisers the benefit of the doubt.

I have worked for a church and a LOT of time is spent genuinely trying to figure out what would make people happier when organising groups like this.

Offering food is a key part of Christian events as there is a huge element of the faith that centres on hospitality. It’s not to “entice” (how patronising…), it’s to bless.

As for it being for dads, there are a lot of female only groups and a lot of mixed groups which are predominantly female (make of that what you will). Not everyone is comfortable meeting up for play dates with people of the opposite sex that they’ve met at a group, so it’s a great way to link dads to hopefully help make connections and build community (another important part of the Christian faith).

No they are running them themselves it's specifically for evangelism to encourage men to feel comfortable in the church building and around other Christians. It's 100% not rented out the idea is not as a playgroup it's sole purpose is to build relationships with men in the community.

Wine at 10am...that's definitely going to entice the wrong crowd, I think ;)

As for dads' groups...all for it. There's the argument that it perpetuates the "mum as default parent" problem, but equally...for those mums who are the default parent - for whatever reason, legitimate or not - life is a constant whirlwind free of relaxation, and this gives those mums a break from everyone in the house to unwind.

The fact that it's run by a church is the unfortunate part that would stop many from attending, bacon butties or not. I'd argue that we need more of these sessions, run by anyone but churches. Give the mums a break, give the kids playtime and give the dads their own space...and bacon. Don't see how anybody loses in that scenario, myself.

It doesn't say it's a reward or incentive. It's just a nice thing for dads.

I thought the wine was a bit OTT myself and it’s why I remember the big banner they had put up when I walked past the church. Usually it’s tea and biscuits.

And yet it happens all the time.

Hospitality is a HUGE part of the Christian faith.

just to say if you are on o2 get the Greggs app bacon/sausage buttie on a friday or saturday. coffee free too on other day of the week for anyone don't have to be a dad or mum

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 17:44

It is quite odd to me that a lot of posters on this thread seem to put obligations on organisations which are charities and where the funding comes from voluntary donations from the members of that charity (not from government) where there is precisely zero obligation on anyone anywhere to attend, and they react with

• its not fair it is not offered to/open to women
• it not fair that these people get offered [the kind of food i like][food generally][are allowed to drink hot drinks] and I am not offered these things
• its not fair it is on a weekday why can't it be at the weekend, I work on weekdays
• its not fair that it is on a weekend, the groups I am available to go to are on a weekday and i want something just for me on a weekend
• its not fair that in order to attend I have to darken the doors of a church no less and I might hear or see the word Jesus whilst I am there which i find offensive
• its not fair that the heating is on whilst they run these groups - have they not heard of climate change?
• it not fair that it is offered to parents, i have struggled with infertility for years how insensitive of them
• its not fair that it is only on during term time, don't they know that there is nothing for families to do during school holidays? how selfish of them to have a break during the school holidays
• its not fair that they offer bacon, don't they know I am Jewish, I am vegetarian, I am vegan, I am on a strict keto diet so cannot eat the bread roll it comes in
• it not fair that the kids can only come along if they are babies or toddlers, don't they know that my delinquent teenager is bored and is hungry for free bacon butties on a saturday morning?
• why does the mother of my children get time off whilst i have to skulk in a horrible community hall/church hall on a saturday morning, don't they know i want to be sleeping off my hangover in bed? Are they deliberately trying to emasculate men? I think they are....!

Yes on reflection I think the people who put a lot of hard work into these free initiatives should give up. Someone is going to be offended.

How do you know that confidently enough to state it 100%? Can you really speak for every church playgroup in the country?
I went to a church playgroup when mine were little. It was so popular there was a waiting list, but the only church reference was at Christmas when you got an invite to the Christingle, and anyone who was offended by that is looking for issues.

Some may do it to build relationships, some may do it because they find that there are men who want somewhere to drop in on Saturday mornings that isn't too expensive.
Our local Home Start used to do exactly that-a drop in for men (with sausage butties) on a Saturday morning because that's what they found worked for men. They tried doing it for any parents and found that the men dropped off, so went back to a dads and grandads group.

This is a national initiative that’s been running for over a decade. It wouldn’t still be going if there wasn’t a demand.

It’s no different to a midweek group with food offered (we used to do toast and fruit for the midweek group).

I have been involved at my local group since the start. Our group isn’t large, but is highly valued by those who attend. It’s even won regional awards. We’ve had mums come and they’ve been welcomed. Non meat alternatives are provided. No one has ever complained - but I suppose they wouldn’t come if they didn’t like the sound of it. Just like I wouldn’t go to a vegan convention as a life-long meat-lover.

👏100%. We live in a time where you can’t do right for doing wrong and it’s so tiresome.

Maybe this is to encourage dads to meet other dads, bit like mums and toddlers I went to back in the day.

@Lovingitallnow

I wholeheartedly agree! It very much depends upon who has organised it. You raise a valid point. And whilst it is sexist, I do think that if it encourages the men to go out with the kids, so that the women can go off and have a bacon sarnie with friends in a cafe, then it's not quite so annoying! But it's still sexist.

Yellowlily8 · Today 17:52

'It doesn't say it's a reward or incentive. It's just a nice thing for dads.'

It's the same thing though. Anything that is nice is enticing or rewarding. And it is specifically aimed to entice and reward the men. More than that though it sets the tone that, "this is a manly space. It has meat. For men". It encourages men to attend by it catering specifically to them. It's all rather 1940s. Which would be fine if they offered us women a glass of gin and a valium tablet mid week.

I saw a thread today asking people to use edit (I've never been able to find it) instead of correction posts - but if everyone did that, we'd miss out on glorious posts like this one.

I've just found it.😂

Obviously men should not have to be bribed to attend activities with their dc. But life is what it is, and these groups are just trying to mitigate some of the harm to kids from having shitty unconnected fathers. Incentives like this work, less because men really want a bacon butty, but because it provides some men with an alternative narrative. So they don't feel they can say "I recognise I need support in being a good dad" but they can say, "I only show up for the sarnie". It protects fragile egos.

Nothing wrong with it.
There's a mums-only group in my area that gets free tea/coffee, toasties and cakes.

Bacon may be an option for the toasties, who knows. But it's only for women.