Free bacon butties for the dads - wtf!!

[PlumPudd]

Someone posted this to a community WhatsApp group near me. What the hell?!? I thought it was a joke but apparently it’s a national initiative and happens in playgroups and churches all over the country!!

Free bacon butties for dads to incentivise aka bribe them into spending some of the weekend playing with their own kids!

Firstly, why should they be rewarded / bribed with bacon butties. It’s basic 101 parenting - looking after your own child who you helped to create at the weekend - nobody is giving mums anything to get them to spend the rest of the weekend with the kids.

Secondly, bacon butties for blokes?!?!? What sexist nonsense is this, is bacon too manly for women to handle? Is it the Yorkie bar of sandwich fillings. I bet if they were going to bribe / incentivise mums they wouldn’t give them bacon, they’d give them fondant fancies or face masks or something.

Lighthearted rant over… I know it’s good to encourage equal parenting etc but talk about setting a low bar

Just to add if anyone is in Camden area. Here is a link to Camden Dads. I understand the swimming is really popular.

https://www.lovecamden.org/documents/20142/29216303/Camden+Dads+-+Drop-ins+%28July-Dec+2023%29.pdf/7da778c2-930b-3d2a-4d55-f4b142f85e64?t=1687175125130

Men need to be offered free cooked food to spend time with their own kids?! Do they do this for mums? Wtf kind of offensive idea is that.

@PlumPudd I know this group, You must be near Me! (p.s - I have never got any free bacon at a Mums and Baby group! 👎)

I argued that this is something that should be challenged and by creating a dads only group, it would make the mum only groups worse.

Why should it be challenged? I agree things like the PTA should be mums and dads, but there is a place for mum only or dad only groups. For example, breastfeeding mums may not want to be breastfeeding or discussing intimate health issues with dads present, so mums lose out on support by every group becoming both mums and dads. The same would be true for dads I imagine. They must have male type concerns that they would not be comfortable discussing around women like getting the snip…how is it really, do you feel different?

There is value to be had for dads being with the children and being around other dads and developing a dad support network just like we mums do, and have done.

I think the only thing to be challenged is mum groups almost always being during working hours in the week. That used to frustrate me to no end being a working mother. I wished they had mum groups on the weekend when I was a new mum.

Absolutely no issue with dads groups. Great! It’s just the idea that they need to be enticed in with bacon that feels a bit silly, and potentially a bit insulting to men. A bit like when the conservatives tried to go for the working class vote by making bingo and beer cheaper.

I’m imagining the people who dreamed it up having this sort of chat.

Jane: “Apparently it’s good for kids to spend time playing with their dads, and it’s good for men to get out and meet other dads. Let’s run a dads playgroup.”

Steve: “But men don’t like spending time with their kids or talking to people Jane - it’s a non starter.”

Jane: “Hrmm, we need to tempt them in with something they do like then, what do men like Steve?”

Steve: “Err I dunno, beer and breasts?”

Jane: “We can’t have beer at a playgroup Steve, and there are breasts but not the right kind of breasts. What else do men like?”

Steve: “Err Meat?”

Jane: “You’re a genius Steve, men love meat. We’ll give them free bacon sandwiches to get them to come in. Then once they’ve been lured in by the smell, we’ll close the doors and start singing wind the bobbin up, they’ll be trapped. You go and design the poster, and be sure to put BACON in big letters.”

Steve: “Righty ho.”

Anyway, just a lighthearted rant. I’m not going to be staging any protests about it, not unless someone else wants to organise one and provide free smoked salmon bagels anyway…

99% of playgroups are aimed at women, so this just a way of getting dads' together to spend time with their children in a similar setting.

There's nothing offensive about it - if women want to have a playgroup that involves bacon sandwiches then there's nothing stopping them from starting one.

Absolutely no issue with dads groups. Great! It’s just the idea that they need to be enticed in with bacon that feels a bit silly, and potentially a bit insulting to men

How is it any different from women being enticed to events by free prosecco?

Haha, very true OP

I thought this type of group was aimed at men who are moving on from contact centre visits, to seeing their children 'in the community'.

The mums group where we used to live used to offer free food to mums once a month, sometimes cakes, sometimes bacon cobs, sometimes fresh somosas, at christmas it was things like mince pies.

The Methodist church up the road has one for mums- Wednesdays at 10am and it advertises free snacks and wine.

there is sexism in both when these are scheduled and in what is on offer as the enticement/bait.

Ours had hot drinks cake and biscuits presume that offering was because it was an afternoon session

refreshments are a nice extra but in all honest I don’t think a bacon sandwich would persuade anyone into going that didn’t want go in the first place

I initially read it as meaning 'hide any health stuff'!

That would be equally silly and faintly demeaning @margotrose. As would any group that tried to entice specifically women / mothers in by offering fairy cakes, knitting, kittens, unicorns, Botox, dieting advice, pictures of naked rugby players, lipsticks, pink clothes etc.

Claim you identify as male.

My kids (and their dad) still have fond memories of the local 'bacon butties' group. They all remember it, and it must be 10-15 years ago (depending on which child/ren were being taken there. I think it was an effective lure, as the name of the group is long ago forgotten and it just goes by 'bacon butties'

PlumPudd · Today 17:07

Amusing (I think ?).

But the ones I have seen have been run by charities such as churches. It is not a government initiative or some woke/right on initiative to bribe men with sex or bacon or anything else (with the assumption they are hopeless exactly as you describe them in your sketch) to interact with their own children.

They are entirely voluntary, usually timed at about 9am on a saturday morning and are attended by men who look like they have had little sleep and not because they have been partying all night, but because the have a newborn baby and they are looking for somewhere to go on a saturday morning. Most look grateful for somewhere to hang out for an hour or two with their newborn - who cares if they talk sport or eat bacon butties, who cares??! the kids are safe, its inside so it is warm in the winter. it is sociable (and therefore even patronising to say they would not attend without incentives).

I think it incredibly patronising to suggest that but for the bacon butties no one would turn up. My guess (and I am female) is the main attraction is that it is aimed at men and so men with small babies can talk to other men with small babies.

Personally i think that is a good thing and I am not getting into any woke gender based discussions as previously commented if you are female and you go along you are not going to be refused entry. But the appeal is that it is men who also have new babies/toddlers.

Clearly a missed opportunity to call the group bacon buddies

“It’s just the idea that they need to be enticed in with bacon that feels a bit silly, and potentially a bit insulting to men”

I don’t think we need to worry that men will be insulted by being offered breakfast. It might be a bit clumsy but I see it as a good thing to have father focussed groups. My husband has a degree of flexibility with his work and sometimes has weekdays off and I work shifts. I take my son to lots of play groups/classes during the week and find them really welcoming but they are full of mums. My husband goes to the same groups when he gets a weekday off and doesn’t particularly enjoy the experience because he’s the only Dad there. He is sociable and friendly but never feels that he is part of the group. He’d love to attend a group specifically for dads and their children! He wouldn’t need to be bribed by a bacon sarnie but I’m sure he wouldn’t complain if he were offered one!

I don’t see it as a bribe or incentive to attend, more an attempt to make it feel welcoming. People can complain “us mums don’t get bacon sandwiches” but we also don’t get made to feel excluded from groups because we’re the male parent.

A slightly different topic but I think one that feeds into this kind of thing as it’s a demonstration that the mother is always assumed to be the “default parent”. On two separate occasions my husband has been asked by a healthcare professional: “Do you know his date of birth?” when taking our son to an appointment. They’d never ask a Mum this. It’s a huge shame that Dad’s who are great parents have to constantly battle assumptions made about them simply because they’re male parents. Also being asked, when I’m out, if he’s “babysitting” our son is another example that happens very frequently!

I can't believe I missed that opportunity for all these years (not usually slow with a pun)😄

You need to lighten up, there's bigger problems than this. Let the kids have a fun day out with dad and bacon sandwiches. If it's not for you thats fair enough but just don't go. I'm not sure what this thread aims to achieve?

Quite a few mummy groups do offer cakes, coffee, smoothie bars etc. where I live afaik.

I would definitely prefer a bacon butty (or even better, pastrami on rye 😁)..

But apart from that: why not? Seems like an easy PR move to boost visibility.

And father focused groups are fantastic IMO.

"It's not fair, you never do anything to help with the kids at the weekend!"

"I'll take them to that new playgroup thing on saturday"

"It's not fair, you're getting a free sandwich!"

FFS!

But bacon sarnies are also a weekend treat which is when the dads take over the church groups in our area. It’s not sexist I don’t think but I’m open to being mistaken.

I can clearly see the issues around these things being too heteronormative and segregated. Though on the other hand I also see the huge value of dads’ groups when men don’t get mat leave to make local friends. My partner really benefited from our local dads’ church group. He felt really isolated in the area when we had our first and his monthly Saturday group really helped.

"The Methodist church up the road has one for mums- Wednesdays at 10am and it advertises free snacks and wine."

IslaWinds · Today 17:15

This is wild if true! A Methodist church offering wine an snacks to mums at 10am!! Bet it is sold out lol!