Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Free bacon butties for the dads - wtf!!

283 replies

PlumPudd · 05/10/2023 15:16

Someone posted this to a community WhatsApp group near me. What the hell?!? I thought it was a joke but apparently it’s a national initiative and happens in playgroups and churches all over the country!!

Free bacon butties for dads to incentivise aka bribe them into spending some of the weekend playing with their own kids!

Firstly, why should they be rewarded / bribed with bacon butties. It’s basic 101 parenting - looking after your own child who you helped to create at the weekend - nobody is giving mums anything to get them to spend the rest of the weekend with the kids.

Secondly, bacon butties for blokes?!?!? What sexist nonsense is this, is bacon too manly for women to handle? Is it the Yorkie bar of sandwich fillings. I bet if they were going to bribe / incentivise mums they wouldn’t give them bacon, they’d give them fondant fancies or face masks or something.

Lighthearted rant over… I know it’s good to encourage equal parenting etc but talk about setting a low bar

Free bacon butties for the dads - wtf!!
OP posts:
IdleAnimations · 05/10/2023 16:05
  1. We can’t expect to organise as women only if we don’t allow men the same. Hypocritical to the extreme.
  2. You’re implying that the post is stating bacon is only for men, which is a reach.
  3. I welcome dads having their own groups so they can bond with other dads as they spend time with their kids.
  4. If you’re that bothered, run a side by side womens group and offer a bacon bap.
Nicesalad · 05/10/2023 16:05

So you don't think that offering men free bacon sarnies whilst not offering them to women is gender discrimination???
Well, they only offer them to men who are dads. What about childless men? Or men with adult children?

Everanewbie · 05/10/2023 16:06

Christ its a wonder why any organisation bothers trying to put on something nice. What if I don't eat bacon? Encouraging dads is sexist! Holding it in a church hall excludes other faiths! I'm dairy intolerant, its discrimination that they don't offer 15 types of oatmilk.

millymog11 · 05/10/2023 16:06

" She thinks that the organisers think they are, which is misogynistic crap."

She thinks there are some men out there who, without being bribed/cajoled into taking their kids out for an hour or two by the prospect of a bacon butty, would not do it.

Maybe there are men like that. Who cares!
What is ridiculous is the idea that because organisations offer this, more men are going to refuse to look after their children unless they get a bacon butty.

Are you bonkers?
Long may things like this continue.

rwalker · 05/10/2023 16:07

I’d would of gone to that
I went to a few playgroups and men weren’t made very welcome gave up after a few and never went back

IdleAnimations · 05/10/2023 16:09

Oioicaptain · 05/10/2023 16:03

Lovingitallnow · Today 15:33

'Depends on who organised and funds it. If dads organise and fund I've no problem.
Does it matter? As long as its not public money and there is no discrimination on race or gender then its private money that can be given away how it wishes.'

So you don't think that offering men free bacon sarnies whilst not offering them to women is gender discrimination???

The group is for dads.

To this logic, all mothers groups which happen to serve tea and biscuits are also discriminatory.

Discrimination is sometimes allowed which people forget - if it’s reasonable.

“The Equality Act says discrimination can be justified if the person who's discriminating against you can show it's a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim. If necessary, it's the courts which will decide if discrimination can be justified.”

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/check-what-type-of-discrimination-youve-experienced/justifying-discrimination/

Justifying discrimination

Explains the reasons why discrimination might be justified in some situations, according to the Equality Act 2010.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/check-what-type-of-discrimination-youve-experienced/justifying-discrimination/

JumalanTerve · 05/10/2023 16:09

millymog11 · 05/10/2023 16:01

On a personal level having (more than a decade ago) suffered from postnatal depression, I can tell you that local church groups for (admittedly mainly mums but also parents in general) mums and newborns/toddlers was literally a lifeline for me to get out and talk to other parents and have a cup of coffee - and I wasn't the only one.

Who gives a sh*t if the messaging offends anyone OP, who are you to say that those once per month Dad's Saturday morning get togethers might also be a lifeline for some Dads with their first newborn who really need conversation with another man in the same position?

I agree with this. From a dad's POV when I went to groups when my eldest was a baby, all the mums were (mostly) perfectly friendly but especially in the first few months we just didn't have the shared experience that drive the conversations - I hadn't given birth, I wasn't breastfeeding, I didn't have the same pressures and feelings that new mums were bonding over. When I found a dad's group I found it very beneficial to be able to share experiences with people who were more in my position. This was just in the earlier period though, after 8-9 months or so I just took him to the same places mums went to

Edit - re reading the OP I can't work out if it's a dad's group at which there are sangers, or a mixed group where the food is only for the men. First option great, second is ridiculous!

Oioicaptain · 05/10/2023 16:10

Nicesalad · Today 16:05

So you don't think that offering men free bacon sarnies whilst not offering them to women is gender discrimination???
Well, they only offer them to men who are dads. What about childless men? Or men with adult children?

Don't be ridiculous! No, that's clearly fine because it's a playgroup!! It's obviously for parents! The discrimination is that they are treating women parents different to make parents. That is blatant gender discrimination.

elliejjtiny · 05/10/2023 16:10

We have these in our area. It's because not many men come to baby/toddler groups normally so they try and offer an incentive. When I went to toddler groups the ones that weren't so popular would sometimes have better biscuits/cake etc on offer. My 12 year old goes to a handwriting group at school and he gets food if he goes. I think most of the children wouldn't go if they didn't get their free food.

LolaSmiles · 05/10/2023 16:10

Some people don’t drink coffee. Do they feel discriminated against because they can’t partake, and glare balefully at the other parents who areaccepting coffee, or do they just think “Well, I’ll give that a swerve, then” and get on with their day?
I suspect most normal people do the latter, but there’s always one, I suppose 🙄
I don't think preferences on hot beverages is the same as cultural and religious dietary requirements.

If the aim is to improve the amount of dads spending time with their children and offering a space to do that, then common sense says it's probably worth having a meat and non meat options given we live in a multicultural society.

Megifer · 05/10/2023 16:10

I'm not sure if some of these comments are genuine or just on a wind up now.

But no it's not sex discrimination if a group run for men offers bacon butties to those men attending.

It might be if it was a mixed sex group with women being turned away from the bacon station and told they can have a massive salad instead. Or if the same group put on a women's session and only offered cucumber sandwiches. Is that what's happening here?

maddiemookins16mum · 05/10/2023 16:11

It’s no different to tea and cake offered as a bribe at other events.

Everanewbie · 05/10/2023 16:14

People talking about a bacon sandwich like its some inducement for men who wouldn't otherwise bother. They are putting on an event for dads and putting on something cheap and easy that they think they might like. For goodness sakes, a bacon roll in a cafe in a a couple of quid. You can make one at home in 5 minutes. This is not discrimination.

Oioicaptain · 05/10/2023 16:14

'The group is for dads.

To this logic, all mothers groups which happen to serve tea and biscuits are also discriminatory.

Discrimination is sometimes allowed which people forget - if it’s reasonable.'

Honestly, I despair!! Do you really think that offering a stale custard cream is the equivalent to a bacon sarnie? Is it favourable? Of course it's bloody not. That's why they are using it as an incentive to encourage and reward those reluctant dad's. And of course they will be serving them tea. And I bet that they also have access to the biscuit tin.

Lovingitallnow · 05/10/2023 16:14

@Oioicaptain I don't know if that was for me or who quoted me. But no if a group of volunteer dads want to organise a session for dads I don't really care- in fact I'd salute them well done. If it's the same group that does the regular mornings and they're just doing bacon buddies yeah I'd judge the hell out of them. Whilst also acknowledging that at the end of the day more dads taking on childcare responsibilities for their kids the better. Even if they have to be bribed into it. And if they make dad friends and they start doing dad play dates I'm ok with that too.

Lovemusic82 · 05/10/2023 16:16

It states “free bacon butties” doesn’t say who they are for?
It’s a group for dads and kids so I don’t see the issue, I think it’s great that there’s somewhere dads can take the kids at the weekends to give mums a rest? Also good for single dads that have their kids at the weekends.

ASimpleLampoon · 05/10/2023 16:16

I have been to a playgroup where, on the insistence of the funders, mums were expected to engage with organised educational activities with their kids not sit around chatting and drinking coffee as a condition of attending. We are a so called "deprived" community though.....

FSTraining · 05/10/2023 16:16

@PlumPudd That's one way of looking at it. A lot of Dads find Mums very reluctant to let them have 1:1 time though, and these initiatives help that.

Cowlover89 · 05/10/2023 16:17

On and yabu. It's great for dad's.

LolaSmiles · 05/10/2023 16:17

Everanewbie
I've never heard of this organisation but have just had a look and it sounds ok.

They say they're based on a playgroup format and want to be a space for fathers, father figures and male carers to spend time with their children and meet other fathers. They talk about having the grill on and offering breakfast butties.

Given how many men feel isolated and are hands off parenting, it seems a good idea to me. I would assume that the people running it will organise the offer according to their local communities. Most events I've gone to have meat and non meat options but maybe that reflects my community

SnowflakeCity · 05/10/2023 16:17

I think it is great. There is an epidemic of loneliness in men at the moment, suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. I think encouraging men to get together and hang out with their kids is great. I really don't care what they choose to eat when they do it.

Not everything is about women and that is ok. You can think something like this is great and that mum and baby groups are great too. This isn't an either or men vs women thing.

IdleAnimations · 05/10/2023 16:19

Oioicaptain · 05/10/2023 16:14

'The group is for dads.

To this logic, all mothers groups which happen to serve tea and biscuits are also discriminatory.

Discrimination is sometimes allowed which people forget - if it’s reasonable.'

Honestly, I despair!! Do you really think that offering a stale custard cream is the equivalent to a bacon sarnie? Is it favourable? Of course it's bloody not. That's why they are using it as an incentive to encourage and reward those reluctant dad's. And of course they will be serving them tea. And I bet that they also have access to the biscuit tin.

Why is every dad who might like a bacon sarnie a reluctant dad? In most social situations there is a sharing of food and drink, this is a completely normal British past time.

If you switched the sexes I’m sure this wouldn’t even be an issue would it? Ask yourself that.

In a society where fathers are abandoning kids more than ever, I see no issue with the ones who stay having a support group of other dads. But then I don’t see a bacon bap as the oppressive patriarchy, it’s just bacon lol.

mrssanchez · 05/10/2023 16:20

Sounds great to me, some dads need a nudge to get out there, spend some time with their babies and meet other dads. Bring on the bacon bribery!

I did all the playgroups when DC was a baby, as I was breastfeeding and DH was at work, it made sense but it would have been nice for him to have something like this on a weekend occasionally.

Megifer · 05/10/2023 16:23

Imagine begrudging Dads (kids too i imagine, cant see them going hungry if they want one) a free bacon barm while they attend a DADS group and labelling it as a sexist issue 😂😂😂

Don't like it? Grow a penis and go along, might be easier to approach the hosting hall or whatever its called to suggest you run a similar women's group tho, I can't see them saying no 😊