Aibu to be angry that my abusive ex is becoming a police officer

[glossypeach]

I just feel so on edge and agitated since I found this out. He abused me the entire time we were together, I accidentally fell pregnant and left as soon as I found out to protect the both of us. The abuse got worse where he made multiple threats on my life where I had to go to the police my entire pregnancy. He never got convicted and only got a ‘caution’, but that’s obviously common as abusers very rarely get brought to justice.

Anyway, I have to ‘co parent’ with him. Out of the blue I get a message stating he is going through training to work for the police. I just feel so stressed that a person like him is allowed to. Not only did he abuse me, but he has had run ins with the law for harming his own sister, drugs, fighting, stealing. The list goes on. I’m just severely afraid that he could get nasty again in the future where I’d feel for my safety again yet I’d go to the police and they wouldn’t protect me because they’d rather protect their own.

It doesnt matter.

Well it is, it’s been exposed over and over.

I come from a policing career background - staff. Vetting has been under the microscope very recently for not picking up red flags (Wayne Couzens was unfortunately the tip of the iceberg). Vetting processes have not been robust enough for quire some time. The good news though, is that all the recent scrutiny can only mean improvements. As others have said, I suspect he won't get past it when he completes his training etc. But I'd definitely be contacting your local force's professional standards department. Mistakes do happen.

As an aside, there was a sergeant I used to work with who was jailed for 20 years for the most horrendous child abuse. He'd been found 'upskirting' young girls several years previously, also whilst a serving officer. A senior officer granted him leniency and let him keep his job but put him on desk duty, as he pleaded mental health problems due to marriage breakdown. Very few had any idea about any of this, until one day his victim raised the alarm. I felt sick when I realised I'd been working alongside him - liked him, even. It sounds far fetched and unreal. But it happened. The senior officer who granted him leniency made Deputy Chief Constable and eventually retired on a full pension.

I'd like to think that things have changed. I no longer work in policing.

It's almost as if teh vetting process was different for men ...

You could try reporting it to CrimeStoppers so it should get passed on to the relevant police force

https://crimestoppers-uk.org/give-information/forms/give-information-anonymously

I don’t think that that is true. Harold Shipman has been dead for nearly 20 years. He started his killing spree before I was even born. (And I am not young!) Even with googling I can’t find any sign of “another Harold Shipman”. Lucy Letby is the second “nurse of death” with Beverly Allitt being the first - although her murders were more than 30 years ago. (I know! Shocked me too!) Again - even with googling I can’t find any more.

For police officers I can reel off Wayne Cousens, David Carrick and Adam Proven without having to try. All of these were convicted in the last 3 years. A quick google pops up a suspended officer called Rupert Edwards who is in court right now charged with raping two women.

It doesn’t feel the same to me.

Have you been living under a rock?

There are thousands of abusive police officers.

Absolutely flag this to the force he is applying to - his name will have appeared on the PND/PNC, as you say he has been known to them before. It doesn't matter if he is applying to be in the Police, or he is applying to be Police staff (civilians) - the same process applies.

As other PPs have said, vetting (not just in the Met) and dismissals are a super sensitive area at the moment - trust and confidence in policing is at an all time low, so any reporting of individuals like this should be picked up.

Op, I would also recommend that if you don't hear what you need to from the force, contact your police and crime commissioner and copy it to his/ her chief executive.

As other PPs have said, vetting (not just in the Met) and dismissals are a super sensitive area at the moment - trust and confidence in policing is at an all time low, so any reporting of individuals like this should be picked up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seems to me improvements to vetting are very much like Status Quo farewell tours.

Probably because they were actual bad apples and not part of a wider, systemic problem. This is exactly what I hate most about the police though, an absolute lack of accountability and instead just whine about not getting the respect and admiration they think they’re entitled to.

HMICFRS Vetting and Misogyny Report

Some interesting bedtime reading for anyone who has time. This was published very recently.

Pretty stark except taken from near the top of the report:

We formed a review team, including current vetting experts from police forces. This team reviewed 725 vetting files relating to new recruits and transferees. We asked forces to give us vetting clearance files from the preceding three years, relating to police officers and staff who had previously committed criminal offences and those the force had other concerns about.
In the majority of cases, the review team agreed with forces’ decisions to grant vetting clearance. But there were 68 cases where they disagreed. There were also 63 cases where the review team believed they may have agreed with the decision, had the rationale contained greater detail or potential risk mitigation measures been properly considered. Although we found many examples of good decision-making, our vetting file review revealed some disturbing results.

To put this in context, that's a 9% 'wrong vetting decision finding.

Those who work in policing are understandably defensive of the profession, the majority are just trying to do a good job. The current environment of a lack of public trust and confidence must be demoralising, and is probably fuelling an increase in assaults on officers.

But equally, a fish rots from the head. I believe that bad police officers have been enabled and emboldened by the most hard right Home Sec in quite some time. Suella Braverman dismisses real and valid concerns as 'woke'.

What we are witnessing in policing is akin to the unsettled times of the 1980s. A lurch to the right is never good.

If you are a serving officer, you have a duty to acknowledge that there are significant problems and to help root out the bad apples. Otherwise you are complicit in accepting the status quo.

Because you dont hear about them that's all.

If you look at the GMC (Doctors) website of misconduct hearings you'll see a shitload of stuff that will shock you. Same with the NMC (nurses).

I've worked with 3 medical professionals who were all jailed and eventually struck off.

One for sexually assaulting numerous colleagues.

One for grooming a 14 year old into a sexual 'relationship'.

One for supplying cocaine, prescribing themselves drugs using fake ID and downloading CSAM.

They weren't national news stories.

And that's ones that went to jail and were struck off. Many more don't end up like that. I've known a Dr who wasn't struck off despite being convicted of downloading CSAM.

Did you not see this recently? This did at least make national news

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/sep/13/sexual-abuse-female-surgeons-quit-misogyny-women-healthcare

My DH had to pass vetting before he stepped foot into the policing college. I can’t see them forking out to train a potential officer only to then complete vetting and find they’re not suitable due to their criminal background. He must be lying or in the very early stages before vetting has been completed.

I meant in the early stages of applying.

There’s a reason many (not all, before anyone jumps down my throat) police officers decide on that career, they are bullies and love the power and authority over people.

A lot police officers treat people like utter shit. They’re angry people and want someone to take it out on. I’ve known loads of them the same. It’s only naïve people who don’t realise this.

So I wouldn’t at all be surprised if he wanted to do it.

If you don't sack officers that would have failed vetting, it costs you nothing does it ?

You must report this behaviour and his history.

Look up Police Me Too.

Sorry I don’t understand what you mean?

If a reason for vetting is to avoid the costs associated with sacking a police officer (which almost never happens) then one justification for not vetting is that it saves that cost.

The actualite is irrelevant, by the way. You have more chances of winning the lottery than of being sacked if you are a police officer.

OP keep all your evidence ie the emails and messages & screenshot them too as a back up.

Did your ex ever get a conviction? He'd never pass the checks if he did. The police should have records of all previous contact with him too.

You are still not making sense?

Seems an arse about face way to do it - what's the point of all the other stuff/time and expense in assessment when a quick equivalent of Google is going to bounce some of them straight out before passing Go?

@RedRedlarge

I have been let down by the police monumentally. But some do care, actually.

Im glad you have met some that do. Im yet to.