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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be angry that my abusive ex is becoming a police officer

100 replies

glossypeach · 04/10/2023 21:32

I just feel so on edge and agitated since I found this out. He abused me the entire time we were together, I accidentally fell pregnant and left as soon as I found out to protect the both of us. The abuse got worse where he made multiple threats on my life where I had to go to the police my entire pregnancy. He never got convicted and only got a ‘caution’, but that’s obviously common as abusers very rarely get brought to justice.

Anyway, I have to ‘co parent’ with him. Out of the blue I get a message stating he is going through training to work for the police. I just feel so stressed that a person like him is allowed to. Not only did he abuse me, but he has had run ins with the law for harming his own sister, drugs, fighting, stealing. The list goes on. I’m just severely afraid that he could get nasty again in the future where I’d feel for my safety again yet I’d go to the police and they wouldn’t protect me because they’d rather protect their own.

OP posts:
Hellaweirdhuh · 05/10/2023 03:19

He won't pass vetting.

It's similar in the NHS and city councils. DBS check is one of the last things we do. I've lost count of the people I've offered a job subject to references and DBS then had to 'phone them up and say the offer is retracted due to something on their DBS which they haven't previously disclosed.

bemorebernard · 05/10/2023 04:07

Do you realise every pc has bwv on every minute of every job they go to ? The bbc is not impartial . For every shift every pc does there will be 8- 10 hours of bwv , that's 145 000 pcs everyday.

Body worn video is more Likely to show pcs being abused actually . This is just an anti police agenda. I've never assaulted anyone yet I've been shot at , bitten and abused . Load of absolute garbage.

bemorebernard · 05/10/2023 04:14

Back to op

He so won't pass vetting! But give the force he's applied to a heads up

Kedece2410 · 05/10/2023 04:37

He's lying or he's becoming a civilian in the job

Civilian staff are vetted too

Hibiscrubbed · 05/10/2023 05:03

glossypeach · 04/10/2023 21:41

I would have thought he was lying but he sent me screenshots of his emails to prove it, I assume. And quite honestly, he’s really not that smart to be able to fake proof. I have no knowledge on the process of becoming part of the police force, but surely it’s very strict with who they allow, especially as they have access to their own database?!

So he’s thick as mince, abusive to women and likes to dabble in drugs? I’d like to think the police would take one look at him and his record and deny him access, but I fear he’ll be just what they’re looking for.

anareen · 05/10/2023 05:18

"Work for the police" as in an actual officer or something else. Abusive people love to play around with wording 🙄

Were the "run ins" warnings or are those things on his criminal record? If those things are on his criminal record then there is no way he would ever be an officer or work for law enforcement.

He stated he is going through training... what training? Just college courses or the police academy? He would not be allowed into the academy if he has a criminal record.

Redlarge · 05/10/2023 05:19

The checks arent the same any more.

Redlarge · 05/10/2023 05:19

Mayhemmumma · 04/10/2023 22:17

I unfortunately feel he'll fit right in to the police force.

Me too

ThePoshUns · 05/10/2023 06:53

Redlarge · 05/10/2023 05:19

The checks arent the same any more.

They are my wine had to go through vetting for a volunteer role. They even trawled his social media.

ThePoshUns · 05/10/2023 06:53

*my son, not my wine!

letspopthekettleon · 05/10/2023 06:58

VestaTilley · 04/10/2023 22:25

YANBU. Report him. Anonymously if needs be - or to the police and crime commissioner. They’re supposed to be clamping down on this!!

This! Report asap

insearchofapotato · 05/10/2023 07:01

WandaWonder · 04/10/2023 21:37

How is this legally possible?

That's what I am wondering ?

Has he form for telling porky pies OP?

C1N1C · 05/10/2023 07:01

Some might say it attracts a certain type of person...

Blueeyedmale · 05/10/2023 07:13

OP I think it might be a case of what others have said,and the vetting procedure will happen after the initial training,after recent cases you would hope so it would not be good for the police wanting to restore confidence in women and girls to have in the police if people like this are slipping through the net

LilyJessie · 05/10/2023 07:19

Please call 101 and report this asap,
Thank you!

SerendipityJane · 05/10/2023 07:25

DontGiveMeThatOldCrap · 04/10/2023 21:43

Report the bastard. The police force can do without scumbags like that

Actually I can see him getting fast tracked for promotion.

DisforDarkChocolate · 05/10/2023 07:29

The bar is ridiculously low to join the police. Any not actually bloody rude can pass the CBI test, you can even swear as long as it's not 'repeatedly'.

Do you know what force? If so contact their HR team and say you have concerns about his suitability and why, what the impact could be on victims and their police force.

angsanana · 05/10/2023 07:32

Don't raise it with your ex. Call the police (101??) and raise your concerns. See how you can do it anonymously, and without outing yourself. TBH if there are cautions on record they would point to that and not progress him

angsanana · 05/10/2023 07:35

I'd just like to add that an abusive ex once PUT ME DOWN AS A REFERENCE for a job - it was in a sensitive field and so I was very honest with them (I proactively called them up and pointed them to the arrests, cautions) as I felt sick at the thought of him being in a position to use others. He didn't get the job

pilates · 05/10/2023 07:39

I thought the vetting for police is stringent nowadays

SerendipityJane · 05/10/2023 07:45

pilates · 05/10/2023 07:39

I thought the vetting for police is stringent nowadays

A lot of people thought it was 10,15,20 years ago. Yet we have forces riddled with criminals.

Makes me wonder about all the other positions a lot of people assumed were heavily vetted. Because I suspect the polices laissez-faire attitude did not arise in a vacuum. And considering the security services are allowed to break the law (including murder) with immunity, I really want them vetted.

LaMadameCholet · 05/10/2023 07:54

I don’t understand how he could possibly pass vetting? My sister, who was a prison officer without a blemish on her record, had her application to join the MET police refused because her partner had a minor criminal conviction that was over a decade old, and before she met him. She was quite a way in to the application procedure when she was rejected though - maybe your ex hasn’t got that far yet?

ChristmasFluff · 05/10/2023 08:01

He's lying.

He doesn't need to know how to fake the texts, he only needs to know someone who can do it for him.

But please write to/email the force just in case, and let them know. If it's true - well that's something the local press would be interested in.

Redlarge · 05/10/2023 08:21

LilyJessie · 05/10/2023 07:19

Please call 101 and report this asap,
Thank you!

People are really assuming here that the police will care
They wont

Redlarge · 05/10/2023 08:21

happygertie · 05/10/2023 01:59

Contact the force and report your concerns. They should have professional standards department

They do. They dont care either. Riddled. Look after their own.