I dislike DSS | Mumsnet

paddlinman · 2023-10-04T20:23:40+00:00

I know I'm being unreasonable but I really dislike him He's 16 and we've recently moved house and he's now here most the time but I disliked him prior to moving. He doesn't shower often or brush his teeth, he's rude, disrespectful and lies all the time. From silly things to telling DH I hit him. He doesn't eat at the table, he instead takes food to his room and doesn't listen when we tell him no. He doesn't bring his plates down so he has lots in his room until either me or DH have had enough and get them for him. His room also has loads of food packets and bottles that haven't been thrown away. He also ignores us about that. His mum isn't interested and says he's the same there but she lets him get on with it. He's also inappropriate with having his hands down his trousers and DH tells him multiple times to stop and he does but then does it again soon after. Me and DH are happy together and I don't want to split with him over this but I don't know what to do.

towriteyoumustlive · 04/10/2023 21:34

YANBU

You need to speak to your DH and come up with a plan of action of what needs to happen.

16 year olds still need boundaries and expectations with consequences.

Fidgety31 · 04/10/2023 21:45

He sounds like a typical teenage boy tbh

Justcallmebebes · 04/10/2023 21:51

You may dislike him but I assume his dad loves him and they come as a package. He's 16 and sounds like a typical 16 year old lad so you either like it or lump it or alternatively leave your partner and let him find someone who accepts his son

CyberCritical · 04/10/2023 21:52

The living about serious things like you hitting him needs to be addressed by his dad. Everything else sounds just like my brothers when they were 16. Generally unsociable and a bit gross. They grew out of it and then different gross things started like spraying themselves with a couple of cans of lynx everyday.

Wishitsnows · 04/10/2023 21:54

Sounds like your DH is not a good parent. Don’t have a child with him!

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:08

I can't believe people are saying this is normal. The hygiene, sure. Rudeness, disrespect, lying, hands down his trousers, lying about you hitting him, no, that's not normal. What does your DH intend to do about it?

MariePaperRoses · 04/10/2023 22:09

Other than his hands down his trousers he sounds like a typical teenager but the eating in his room should stop and you have to tell his dad that you are not going to clean up the boys mess and bring the plates etc down any more.

That's just pig behaviour at any age.

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:14

MariePaperRoses · 04/10/2023 22:09

Other than his hands down his trousers he sounds like a typical teenager but the eating in his room should stop and you have to tell his dad that you are not going to clean up the boys mess and bring the plates etc down any more.

That's just pig behaviour at any age.

Do 'typical teenagers' usually lie and tell their parent their stepmum hit them? Because if this behaviour is normal then something has gone seriously wrong with society.

MidnightOnceMore · 04/10/2023 22:18

I really dislike him and telling DH I hit him
Presumably some connection between these two things.
Sounds like a tough situation for him, at least you have a choice in the matter.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2023 22:19

I hope he’s not there without his dad being present? I wouldn’t ever be alone with someone who lied about me assaulting them. How did DH deal with it?!

He sounds revolting, it’s absolutely not “normal teenage behaviour” and I don’t know why people persist in trotting that out. It’s not bloody normal and I wouldn’t tolerate it under my roof. My teen DSS isn’t a soap dodging slob with no manners, DH would be horrified it he was.

DH sounds pretty passive, is no one trying to prepare him for the big wide world? Does he have any friends?

ConnieTucker · 04/10/2023 22:20

but she lets him get on with it.
so do you. You and his father are cleaning up after him.

what are the consequences in place for his appalling behaviour?

and also, to pp who said he sounded like a typical teenager, he doesnt. Thats not typical behaviour. At all.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2023 22:21

MidnightOnceMore · 04/10/2023 22:18

I really dislike him and telling DH I hit him
Presumably some connection between these two things.
Sounds like a tough situation for him, at least you have a choice in the matter.

Are you suggesting OP actually did hit him? Or that he’s justified in his false allegations because his step mum doesn’t enjoy his grim rude behaviour?

I wouldn’t like anyone who lied about me. Would you?

Justcallmebebes · 04/10/2023 22:21

Isn't it a bit hypocritical that any post from a woman posting that her DH/DP doesn't get on with her child results in virtually every response telling her to put her DC first and to get rid of the DP/DH but when it's a woman posting about a SC responses are totally different?

He's a child and if his stepmum dislikes him then surely the dad needs to step up and put his child first, not his relationship. Plus, we are only hearing one side of the story. Anyone heard to the child's point of view in this scenario?

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:21

MidnightOnceMore · 04/10/2023 22:18

I really dislike him and telling DH I hit him
Presumably some connection between these two things.
Sounds like a tough situation for him, at least you have a choice in the matter.

How do you know which came first? Literally any sane person would dislike this boy.

He's got a great life. He can be rude, disrespectful, lie, touch himself all day long in public, lie about his stepmum hitting him, has slaves who clear his room for him. And not a single adult in his life will say boo to him about it.

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:23

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2023 22:19

I hope he’s not there without his dad being present? I wouldn’t ever be alone with someone who lied about me assaulting them. How did DH deal with it?!

He sounds revolting, it’s absolutely not “normal teenage behaviour” and I don’t know why people persist in trotting that out. It’s not bloody normal and I wouldn’t tolerate it under my roof. My teen DSS isn’t a soap dodging slob with no manners, DH would be horrified it he was.

DH sounds pretty passive, is no one trying to prepare him for the big wide world? Does he have any friends?

There's a persistent pattern on here of people excusing all kinds of appalling behaviour as 'typical teenage behaviour'. Or they chalk it up to puberty. It's really odd.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 04/10/2023 22:23

Poor kid
yep, mostly normal gross adolescent male behaviour, but he needs to step up the hygiene and eating issues. His Dad needs to gently encourage him around this.

Caerulea · 04/10/2023 22:24

Fidgety31 · 04/10/2023 21:45

He sounds like a typical teenage boy tbh

I have 2 current teen boys & one 22yo. Lying about violence & hands down pants is NOT typical!

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:25

Justcallmebebes · 04/10/2023 22:21

Isn't it a bit hypocritical that any post from a woman posting that her DH/DP doesn't get on with her child results in virtually every response telling her to put her DC first and to get rid of the DP/DH but when it's a woman posting about a SC responses are totally different?

He's a child and if his stepmum dislikes him then surely the dad needs to step up and put his child first, not his relationship. Plus, we are only hearing one side of the story. Anyone heard to the child's point of view in this scenario?

The child's not on mumsnet, obviously enough. If the father were to put his child first he would have prevented him from growing up to be a rude, disrespectful, publicly masturbating, lying, disgusting, lazy slob. That was his job.

ConnieTucker · 04/10/2023 22:25

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:23

There's a persistent pattern on here of people excusing all kinds of appalling behaviour as 'typical teenage behaviour'. Or they chalk it up to puberty. It's really odd.

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typical teenage boy behaviour. All i assume is their teenage boys were the same and so to them it is normal.

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:26

Twoshoesnewshoes · 04/10/2023 22:23

Poor kid
yep, mostly normal gross adolescent male behaviour, but he needs to step up the hygiene and eating issues. His Dad needs to gently encourage him around this.

Are you actually claiming that lying to his father that his stepmum hit him is just normal teenage boy behaviour?

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:27

ConnieTucker · 04/10/2023 22:25

typical teenage boy behaviour. All i assume is their teenage boys were the same and so to them it is normal.

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Maybe. Funny thing on other threads is I've asked a couple of them if their teenagers were actually like that and they weren't! Not even close. So weird.

Justcallmebebes · 04/10/2023 22:30

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:25

The child's not on mumsnet, obviously enough. If the father were to put his child first he would have prevented him from growing up to be a rude, disrespectful, publicly masturbating, lying, disgusting, lazy slob. That was his job.

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But you have only heard one side of the story, that's my point

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:31

Justcallmebebes · 04/10/2023 22:30

But you have only heard one side of the story, that's my point

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Do you generally only post on threads where all involved are contributing their side of the story?

underneaththeash · 04/10/2023 22:35

Twoshoesnewshoes · 04/10/2023 22:23

Poor kid
yep, mostly normal gross adolescent male behaviour, but he needs to step up the hygiene and eating issues. His Dad needs to gently encourage him around this.

No, he just needs parenting.
you need to have a shower isn’t a difficult thing to say.
no-one should be eating in their rooms, especially if they can’t bring the plates down afterwards.

Justcallmebebes · 04/10/2023 22:40

Pollyputhekettleon · 04/10/2023 22:31

Do you generally only post on threads where all involved are contributing their side of the story?

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No but the hypocrisy is staggering. If you are a woman and your DC is in conflict, for whatever reason, with your partner, general consensus is you have to put your child first and leave.

However, if you are a woman in conflict with your SC, then the child is at fault together with the child's father who is obviously a bad parent responsible for their child's reprehensible behaviour. Which is admirably demonstrated here on this post