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AIBU?

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Original poster

I dislike DSS

87 replies

paddlinman · 04/10/2023 21:23

I know I'm being unreasonable but I really dislike him

He's 16 and we've recently moved house and he's now here most the time but I disliked him prior to moving. He doesn't shower often or brush his teeth, he's rude, disrespectful and lies all the time. From silly things to telling DH I hit him. He doesn't eat at the table, he instead takes food to his room and doesn't listen when we tell him no. He doesn't bring his plates down so he has lots in his room until either me or DH have had enough and get them for him. His room also has loads of food packets and bottles that haven't been thrown away. He also ignores us about that. His mum isn't interested and says he's the same there but she lets him get on with it.

He's also inappropriate with having his hands down his trousers and DH tells him multiple times to stop and he does but then does it again soon after.

Me and DH are happy together and I don't want to split with him over this but I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
dontwanttobethatguy · 05/10/2023 11:36

He will fledge the best and grow up in a year or two. Make the best of it while holding your ground on house rules.

SquirrelFeeder · 05/10/2023 12:10

Sorry but I have to say it - you knew^^ he had a son. You knew there was always a chance you would dislike him or that you'd not get along.... These are the risks you take when you marry a father

happsy · 05/10/2023 12:23

No man is ever worth that much for putting up with shitty children or ex partners crap. He doesn't sound like any of the teens I know.

Original poster
paddlinman · 05/10/2023 16:33

DH constantly is telling him to bring his plates down, don't be disrespectful and to get his hands out his trousers but he doesn't listen or care. When he lied about me hitting him he told him that he if did it again he'd remove his phone but he didn't care but didn't know why he said it. It isn't just that he doesn't like me as he lied and said a sibling at his mums smashed his phone etc when they didn't.

He reminds him to shower but he doesn't, he did have friends but when DH said if he didn't shower he wouldn't have any friends he said he doesnt anyway.

OP posts:
KajsaKavat · 05/10/2023 18:41

It really sounds like he is unhappy and need love and guidance from his dad.

DisquietintheRanks · 05/10/2023 18:58

paddlinman · 05/10/2023 16:33

DH constantly is telling him to bring his plates down, don't be disrespectful and to get his hands out his trousers but he doesn't listen or care. When he lied about me hitting him he told him that he if did it again he'd remove his phone but he didn't care but didn't know why he said it. It isn't just that he doesn't like me as he lied and said a sibling at his mums smashed his phone etc when they didn't.

He reminds him to shower but he doesn't, he did have friends but when DH said if he didn't shower he wouldn't have any friends he said he doesnt anyway.

Right. And does it not occur to anyone that there's something more going on here?

Pollyputhekettleon · 05/10/2023 20:17

paddlinman · 05/10/2023 16:33

DH constantly is telling him to bring his plates down, don't be disrespectful and to get his hands out his trousers but he doesn't listen or care. When he lied about me hitting him he told him that he if did it again he'd remove his phone but he didn't care but didn't know why he said it. It isn't just that he doesn't like me as he lied and said a sibling at his mums smashed his phone etc when they didn't.

He reminds him to shower but he doesn't, he did have friends but when DH said if he didn't shower he wouldn't have any friends he said he doesnt anyway.

Does your DH have any intention of doing some parenting? Lying about your stepmum hitting you gets a punishment, not a threat of possible future punishment if he does it again. Same with the lie about a sibling smashing his phone. There are no consequences for his behaviour. Just 'constant telling'. Well of course it's constant since there are zero consequences. Is this how he's always been parented?

He told your DH he has no friends but you don't say what happened after that? Don't you notice that's kind of important? Did your DH discuss that with him? Has anyone tried to find out why he has no friends and sounds really miserable?

Marcipex · 05/10/2023 20:56

What sanctions are you using?

Do you confiscate his phone/console/screens?

Do you withhold pocket money?

As just telling him isn’t working, you need stronger measures.

Spencer0220 · 05/10/2023 21:07

I would come down on him like a ton of bricks.

When you cook dinner don't give him any unless he brings a plate down. Seriously. He'll soon bring it every time.

JuliusWho · 05/10/2023 21:13

Is a 16 year old refusing to shower and clean their teeth really that common? If this were an adult it might be a sign of poor mental health and, coupled with the comment that he has no friends, I’d be a bit concerned. He certainly doesn’t sound happy. The lies could be related, too.

TodayForTomorrow · 05/10/2023 21:14

He sounds pretty unhappy and the 'no friends' comment would ring alarm bells for me.

Beachwalker66 · 05/10/2023 21:16

This boy sounds incredibly unhappy.

Your DH behaviour is pretty ineffectual, he should be spending lots of time with DSS trying to build his self esteem and give better guidance.

Is he capable of parenting his son properly?

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